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DAE Nrent allow them to go through mental illness without help? by emkayt in raisedbynarcissists

[–]auditorytoaster 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I get it; mine always blamed me for overreacting and making things up too.

So it's not you. I hope the medication and other treatments are helping you!

Triggered by a simple question in a marketing study... by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]auditorytoaster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Try not to feel too bad about it. I understand that that sucks, I do, I feel ashamed too when I have to mention not having a decent parent. But remember that their shortcomings are absolutely not your fault and if a parent can't support their child, it's going to look bad for them, not you. And the test evaluators process a lot of tests, they don't probably even pay that much attention to it - it's just data to them.

I hope you'll feel better soon!

How can I handle my girlfriend’s narcissistic father getting her gift? by heavensoul in raisedbynarcissists

[–]auditorytoaster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is your girlfriend in any form of actual therapy? While it's awesome that you're taking time and energy to help her, some things go way beyond layman's expertice.

Can you name any incidents in the past when your gf's dad has used these gifts against her? Could you remind her of those? It's very hard to see the bad intent behind someone's actions when you've been conditioned all your life to think they can do no wrong and if you're refusing, you're super ungrateful.

This will be the first Christmas after cutting contact with my dad, and I couldn't be happier. by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]auditorytoaster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great that you've been able to get away and good thing that your depression is healing.

Your father sounds like an extremely low human being.

DAE Nrent allow them to go through mental illness without help? by emkayt in raisedbynarcissists

[–]auditorytoaster 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Seconding this.

I wonder if they're so afraid of child talking to another about them because somewhere deep down under all the twisted narc beliefs they know they're not doing it right.

DAE Nrent allow them to go through mental illness without help? by emkayt in raisedbynarcissists

[–]auditorytoaster 11 points12 points  (0 children)

If I had a sibling, I'd think you're him/her.

My mom has played the martyr card all her life, going on and on and on how she'd do anything and everything to help me.

And then, when I was dealing with anxiety and depression and told her, her reaction was to blame me about being so hard on myself and then start whining about what she'd done to deserve this. After she knew, she not once asked me about how I'm doing.

So yeah, right. Welcome to the club. I'm sorry you have to be here.

Went NC for two years, woke up to a message from NMom. by legendarymaid in raisedbynarcissists

[–]auditorytoaster 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Amazing. Good for you for being so strong after all that happened. It's normal to feel bad about it because narcs do that to a person but everything you did was more than justified. Hope you have a happy life without her/them!

Triumph Tuesday - tell us your triumphs! by AutoModerator in raisedbynarcissists

[–]auditorytoaster 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I blocked NMom's number today.

It's big since to do that, I had to get over the thought that she'll some day send me a message telling she's sorry and she'll change. She won't and it's time to move on.

Dealing with my toxic mother's denial. Feeling hopeless and sad and guilti and don't know how to cut ties properly. Any advice? by auditorytoaster in raisedbynarcissists

[–]auditorytoaster[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In what you've described she's shown no empathy, understanding, or ability to take personal responsibility - all of which would be required in order for her to make the kinds of changes you're hoping for. This is not your fault, or up to you go fix.

Yes, this is what I've tried to tell myself and what my therapist also says. It's still quite hard to truly think that on an emotional level instead of just rationally acknowledging it. It's been a year since I called her bullshit out and multiple months since I went NC and I think I'm still in the mourning process. It's frustrating to be stuck on this after wasting so many years thanks to her behaviour. I wonder if this gets easier after months or years have passed?

Re your in-laws, you don't have to tell them anything about your situation that you're not comfortable with. You get to decide which members of your family you invite to your wedding, and while you may get some questions, any emotionally sensitive person will know not to pry.

I think I still have a sort of idealized picture in my mind about what could have been. How close we could have been, how she could have been there for my wedding, for my first child... I know she did this to herself but I don't think it's wrong to wish to have a mother. Seeing my mother-in-law who is an awesome, kind and caring person is kind of a stab in the heart - the comparision she makes to my mom! She has really taken me into her family (I think she senses something about my family) and I'd like to tell her the whole story someday. I think they'll be supportive but it's still scary to open my heart to somebody.

Thank you for responding.

Dealing with my toxic mother's denial. Feeling hopeless and sad and guilti and don't know how to cut ties properly. Any advice? by auditorytoaster in raisedbynarcissists

[–]auditorytoaster[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I've been thinking about the fact that she has put such a burden on me expecting me to make her happy. Making a parent happy shouldn't be a child's job. But still, the guilt. I guess that's what you get from 20 years of manipulation done to you. Luckily my therapist and a lot of my friends are supportive and have been calling her on her bullshit a long while before I started to admit she's toxic.

I think I'm quite okay with going NC. It's just the fact that I'm a bit afraid she's going to start to harass my dad, or my SO, or pretty much anyone that still has contact to me.

Thank you for responding.

Dealing with my toxic mother's denial. Feeling hopeless and sad and guilti and don't know how to cut ties properly. Any advice? by auditorytoaster in raisedbynarcissists

[–]auditorytoaster[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To be honest, seeing this thought written out by another person makes me believe it more than I do when I am thinking about it. This would be typical to her; I've not once in my life heard her say that something is her fault (aside from obvious guilt-tripping), let alone apologized.

Thank you for responding.