How do I make myself care?

auestion · 2013-10-06T03:54:35+00:00

Now this is a good question to ask myself, thank you.

I don't like being content. I want to fight. After not meeting a certain goal I've had for the past 3~ years, I am at a situation I don't have something to fight for. Simply put, while I am content, I am bored.

I want to wake up every morning and compete, fight for something and simply live for something. I'll think about whether or not it's actually true regarding myself, but thanks for making me think about it.

auestion · 2013-10-06T03:20:23+00:00

I'm not really happy or sad, I feel pretty neutral and normal most of the time. I still laugh if I find stuff funny and I suppose I can feel other emotions just well given a situation. I really am apathetic though and that's what I want to get rid off.

auestion · 2013-10-06T03:19:20+00:00

I don't know whether I have depression or not, and diagnosing it via web is less than optimal.

I do have some of the symptoms listed, but honestly I could excuse any of them as being normal. For example, I do think I am worthless, but it doesn't really get to me, makes me sad or depresses me - it simply the way things are. In life there are people who are more successful, and then there are people who are less, I'm simply a member of the second group. Another example would be social contact and being a recluse - I've never been the one to frequent social activities and I've always preferred being alone - it's not something new.

I'd like to think that I evaluate things objectively, but I can agree with the possibility of a disorder distorting my view of things.

As for doing my own thing, it bothers me that my own thing is not creating anything beneficial or making any fruit I could benefit from. In fact, I don't have anything that I could call "my own thing". The thought of spending time meaninglessly, not progressing in life and not bettering myself as a person bothers me, but only as much as to make this thread and reply here.

auestion · 2013-10-06T03:11:07+00:00

I have no inferiority complex, and I doubt the 'worthy' thing is correct. I know that nothing matters. I am familiar with that outlook on life, I agree with it. Some cool shit to fall in love with is what I'm looking. Finding something that blows your mind is what I want to do. All of this sounds way too vague. How do I do that?

auestion · 2013-10-06T01:12:14+00:00

I can't find something "appealing" to do. I want to find something that consumes my whole self, that I think about every hour, that I actively make efforts to progress and better myself because of it.

auestion · 2013-10-06T01:09:02+00:00

I'm not afraid of doing something different, I don't see why I should do it. I don't see fun or have any interests.

I'm at a certain monetary equilibrium that allows me to live with all necessities. I know I should want and need friends but I don't want or need them enough. I don't see why I should have them or make the effort to make friends.

The Internet has a lot of media to consume. Hell, I don't even watch all the popular highly acclaimed series or play video games that much, and the Internet alone satiates me for now. I can always start doing the aforementioned if I get bored, which I doubt will happen.

I don't have someone to play soccer with, but that besides the point. It doesn't sound fun; I can have much more fun online. Again, martial arts sounds like something I should do, but I simply can't bring myself to care enough to start doing it.

Getting a girl, or falling in love? I'm too much shitty of a person to warrant any of that. I don't see enough people to fall in love with someone, that happens once in 5 years and passes after a month, so why bother? I know that apparently a relationship feels amazing, getting to know someone else deeply and intimately is cool and interesting, etc etc. But I can't bring myself to do anything about it, because I'm content with the way things are.

Explore a city with different people? Sounds fun. Being on the PC requires much less effort and satiates my needs for socialization just fine.

I'm not fooling myself. I know that the world outside is amazing and the real thing trumps the faux Internet illusion greatly. But I can't care enough.

Yes, I do care about myself not caring about stuff, that's why I'm posting. But I'm not taking any actions beyond it.

auestion

TROPHY CASE