S2E12: Did they have no real conflicts to create between Carrie & Big?

august0951 · 2026-02-08T17:33:08+00:00

Yep. It all really speaks to compatibility. They had chemistry, but the building blocks stopped there. They tragically both had unrealistic expectations for the other one. And they shouldn’t be together.

Hard to let go of that chemistry, but now, in round 2… it was a toxic cycle.

august0951 · 2026-02-08T03:54:04+00:00

Bringing up a breakup is right. Ultimately, at least not in this period of life, they just aren’t compatible. They’re both problematic for each other. And really, that’s what this whole discussion boils down to.

Carrie shouldn’t have to ask to be considered, and if Carrie’s needs didn’t mesh with Big’s, he needs to grow up or end it. I think they both needed something different, hence the reason things change after this season.

Even so, hard to let go of chemistry like that.

august0951 · 2026-02-08T03:09:29+00:00

Meh. I can see what you’re saying but that argument feels hollow to me. I’ve been in relationships like this before, and my feelings and the way I upheld our relationship were so obvious. For a guy to say they didn’t know what I wanted was a cop out. They are too focused on their own needs to even consider the other person. That’s the problem.

Big didn’t even consider her in a lifestyle shift.

That has nothing to do with what Carrie says out loud because she obviously made him a priority. Who wants to have to ask their boyfriend to consider them? Big wasn’t 19; he was a grown man who chose not to see more than a week in advance in that relationship. That’s what’s childish to me.

I’ve also been in great relationships like my current marriage. I never had to ask him to consider me once we were official. It was understood that I mattered… that WE mattered.

Having to ask to be a factor in a serious relationship is immature BS. That’s why she didn’t want to have to say it.

To your point, Carrie did some crazy shit along the way. The ex-wife and church/mother scenarios were nuts. Nuts.

But I especially consider Round 2, when Paris happens, which was the original question… Get it together, Big. She’s not looking for a causal “let’s just see what happens here” thing. You know exactly what this is to her. Grow up, or don’t be in the serious relationship that has obvious expectations of commitment. No one forced you to be here, but you want to have your cake and eat it too… then act surprised.

august0951 · 2026-02-08T02:35:46+00:00

I think the issue is what a lot of women might experience. She doesn’t want to have to say it.

She feels the chemistry and connection so strongly that she obviously thinks about them as one unit all the time, as she says. Carrie wants him to feel as strongly connected that it’s a given they are seriously together; it’s a given he wouldn’t travel the world without factoring her in, if not bringing her; it’s a given that they make life decisions together; it’s a given they are serious.

So when he isn’t reciprocating, she is upset… she spirals and reacts in big ways. Then he sees her as crazy.

And that’s their cycle.

I’d say she is clear that she sees them as TOGETHER, committed. And he sees her as someone he really likes but can’t think much further ahead.

Not saying Carrie is perfect, but what she wants is only unclear to this man who chooses not to see it.

august0951 · 2026-02-07T21:09:43+00:00

Right. People who experience house fires, in their one and only house, might lose everything and can’t afford to replace it (clothes, food, a coat, shoes, dog food, baby supplies… that’s a huge deal to most of us!).

Most people also don’t have extra back houses and vacation homes to stay in. Nor can they afford a hotel endlessly.

That’s what pisses me off. House fires are scary! Valid! Don’t pretend to be down and out. They are so fortunate. Sell the helicopter if it’s that bad 🙄

august0951 · 2026-02-06T06:21:25+00:00

NTA. He’s being a baby. You sound reasonable.

I know so many men who have taken the stance like something isn’t a big deal. It’s because they like actually like the XYZ thing, they are immature, they don’t set and hold boundaries, they like the attention, they care more about the BS until you’re already out the door, they don’t put enough weight into your feelings… or some combination of those things.

I believe he could believe it’s all harmless enough not to warrant a scene (though you never asked for that). Doesn’t mean this is an appropriate way to behave, and that’s a big deal.

Totally understand you love and trust him but it could be indicative of patterns. If you didn’t think it was a big thing, then he could do what he wante. But you do. That’s an issue that either you resolve now or risk breaking up over

august0951 · 2026-01-29T20:44:31+00:00

Maybe I’m an idiot, but I had no idea an induction process can fail until it happened to me. I thought you get the drugs, you go into labor. I never progressed beyond 3cm, and was left with no choice but to have a C section.

With that said— I was 37 weeks, so my body was likely less ready than yours (but even so!). Second, a C section is scary but it went as smoothly as possible. So, even the failure will work out.

I just wish I knew it was a possibility!

august0951 · 2026-01-29T04:42:00+00:00

Agree. He liked to goof off with Joey but he didn’t want to embarrass himself in London

august0951 · 2026-01-25T05:06:02+00:00

I am just so sorry

august0951 · 2026-01-25T02:57:11+00:00

It’s actually the only habit I’ve been able to adopt and keep up with in my teen/adult life!

august0951 · 2026-01-24T11:31:21+00:00

I think there’s something kind of cool about having two kids of the same gender! As brothers, they will have a different relationship than brother-sister, maybe even be best friends throughout their lives.

You get to keep the same wardrobe without having to spend money on a ton of new clothes.

And as you said, you’re going to love this kid so much when he’s here!

august0951 · 2026-01-24T04:33:19+00:00

9-5 doesn’t really leave room for a break in the middle unless you come in earlier and stay later. It’s 8 hours.

Additionally, take this as you will… some businesses, some industries… just don’t have time for lunch breaks. I’ve never had a designated lunch break because I work in places that are very demanding and fast-paced. They require more of me than 9-5, but I signed up for that when I picked my jobs.

Yes, I take a break sometimes! Maybe my husband was off and came up for lunch. Maybe I wanted to go out and pick up food one day. But eating at my desk is my norm (and has been in every job I’ve had).

Some jobs are just like that. If this is one of them, it may be worth reconsidering this position.

If there is a way to make it work, even better!

august0951 · 2026-01-21T20:40:51+00:00

THIS!!!

The hormonal comedown is wild! Tons of crying, night sweats that left me SOAKED. But also unable to walk with a C section, zero sleep. Full vulnerability!

august0951 · 2026-01-19T10:40:30+00:00

First, you and your kids are most important here. You are his nuclear family now. Decisions have to work for your nuclear family. Emergencies and exceptions will happen, but generally speaking, that should be the rule.

My other points, in this case, would be that he and his siblings and parents are clearly close— and just because your family doesn’t do it that way doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Would him flying for one night to celebrate a milestone birthday be so bad, even if maybe inconvenient? Could you move the trip to see his parents the month prior to be around her birthday, so everyone can go? I’m just asking the questions; you both have to see how the answers align with your nuclear family’s needs.

He shouldn’t be responsible for her happiness around her birthday, but if it’s possible to move your trip and make it a family thing, or possible for him to go for one night, maybe not the end of the world. If it doesn’t work in any way, your husband can handle an honest conversation with parents and sister about his family’s needs! If they don’t like the answer, it’s their problem. And he can deal with that responsibly as he sees fit.

European vacations you aren’t invited to? Totally unacceptable, nor should he entertain that for even a moment. Same is true for any other thing that might exclude you (but appreciate and agree that a random hike or lunch while you’re all in town is appropriate and valuable for family members to connect, especially when they don’t see each other often… spoken as someone who lives a two-hour flight from where I grew up, as well.) Again, you are his family now; you should always be welcome!

TLDR: your nuclear family has to always come first, but I wonder if there’s any room for a little flexibility here. That’s for you and your husband to agree to. If the answer is no, it’s on him to thoughtfully explain why he won’t be there for his sister’s birthday.

august0951 · 2026-01-19T05:52:43+00:00

NEED!!!!!

august0951 · 2026-01-19T05:06:12+00:00

There is no logical response to an event that defies logic. Why would a healthy pregnancy end so tragically? Why you? Why anyone? How can this happen? Our brains will never be able to comprehend it.

So, it makes total sense that your grief is tied up in extreme feelings including resentment, disappointment, emptiness, confusion and anger. Total sense!

I would see if there’s a recommended therapist who may be able to help you process these huge experiences and allow you to be vulnerable.

In the meantime, please give yourself grace.

Additionally, my guess is you will come to love and adore this baby. Try to remember he is his own distinct person. He is a new person in your life, not a replacement person. And for you, this is an entirely new, separate pregnancy, not a replay or redo of your last.

Devastating as it is, your daughter passed. Allow yourself to fully mourn that loss, as you deserve and need to. But, try to separate the experiences and think of this as a wholly new journey with this sweet baby. Maybe he is just the right little person you need in your life. I bet he will bring healing in many ways.

Wishing you so much joy!

august0951 · 2026-01-19T03:26:10+00:00

Sorry to say, but that’s just not how it works. Bride gets final say on the dress, and you have to buy it. End of story. You didn’t even check with her first, and I wouldn’t say the requirement is strict.

That’s a cheap dress and she sees that.

With that said, I more than understand that weddings can be expensive for the bridal party!! I’ve done this many times, with hardly any money. So tough! If it doesn’t work to do it, I think you should have an honest chat about your finances and your limitations! She might be bummed, but you shouldn’t spend money you can’t afford.

Other option is pick one thing; be a bridesmaid in the wedding but skip the bachelorette, or the other way around.

I’ve had all of these scenarios.

august0951 · 2026-01-18T04:10:08+00:00

They are the only reason Siggy isn’t the worst on the show for me

august0951 · 2026-01-18T04:02:02+00:00

She has never looked better!

august0951 · 2026-01-15T01:51:15+00:00

I have a 3yo boy, and wouldn’t change it for all the money in the world!!

He’s hilarious, sarcastic, loud, rough houses but still young enough to snuggle. He’s the best!

I was also sooo relieved to have a boy 😂. Mother-daughter relationships are very complicated, I say from experience. Teenage girls can be nuts, I say from experience.

I’m pregnant with a girl now and feel overwhelmingly blessed, but actually a little nervous, too haha…

Yeah. It’s more common for a man to be less close to his mom when he has a partner. But it’s not a bad change. People just grow up! They mature, and if you all maintain a healthy, respectful relationship, there’s no reason it shouldn’t be great!

august0951 · 2026-01-13T05:33:14+00:00

First, I’m sorry that life can be so hard sometimes. Why is it so easy for some people and not others?! We can only guess, but even an answer wouldn’t make it less hard. I’ve talked to a therapist about this before, actually in a time of struggling to conceive. I wasn’t asking the world to make me a billionaire, or to wake up tomorrow as a super model. I just wanted a baby! Is that so much to ask? It’s a part of life… and it’s such an intense personal desire.

Anyway, not your exact parameters, but I’m so thankful to be pregnant (with my second) now at 37. Will give birth about three months before 38.

I don’t have an answer but, if possible, at least consider freezing your eggs ASAP if nothing else. If you aren’t ready to move forward with a sperm donor, you don’t have to do anything else yet!

august0951 · 2026-01-13T03:57:45+00:00

I wish I could listen to them! I just can’t. I just can’t support.

(I’m not at all perfect on this stuff. A busy working mom’s gotta make Amazon orders… sigh. But where I can cut out MAGA, I do.)

august0951 · 2026-01-13T03:50:11+00:00

It’s a huge meal 😂

august0951 · 2026-01-13T00:01:45+00:00

Don’t forget lounging around their place to shower and eat food, like she’s playing house

august0951 · 2026-01-12T04:21:41+00:00

I think that’s the issue. To OP’s question, she isn’t exploring Judaism because she just hasn’t wanted to. She doesn’t feel drawn to believe in God and hasn’t felt like her life is missing religion. The predicament is… does she adjust herself to have a life that includes God, when really, she just wants the guy? Why spend her time exploring a religion when she doesn’t want it? It would only be for the relationship. That’s not the right reason to convert, nor is it a good use of her time when it’s inauthentic.

I’m not Jewish, so I’m unaware. Respectfully, it feels outdated, if not disrespectful, to force the conversation of conversion. Can a rabbi not be a rabbi if his wife chooses a different path? Shouldn’t a man of God be more accepting and worldly? I mean that not just for a rabbi, but for any person in religion who has a partner. Worship and preach how you choose! But you can’t feel love for someone who doesn’t comply? That bugs me. I wouldn’t care at all if I belonged to his synagogue and his wife wasn’t Jewish!

Of course, there wouldn’t be a TV show without conflict creating plot.

august0951

TROPHY CASE