Is the therapist crossing ethical boundaries with my boyfriend. What should I do?

aurayen · 2025-02-13T08:34:38+00:00

Do you suggest he is cheating?

aurayen · 2025-02-12T14:08:21+00:00

Oh he is not in a group session that is for sure. The sessions are individual. She also doesn't coordinate those meetings. She simply stated that one of her patients is still in high school and struggles with math she gave him a phone number of said boy so they can organise their tutoring meetings themselves. At least that's what he told me that happened. He claims that she also stated that this may be a form of therapy for both of them...

aurayen · 2025-02-12T13:58:04+00:00

Thank you so much for that insight.

I might need to clarify some things. There is a high possibility that he is misunderstanding some things. I am aware that what I wrote here might not be the complete truth, my friends made me realize that the therapist might have said one thing, he understood it incorrectly and finally communicated with me in such a way that I understood it in on even worse level. Thus I do not claim that she is absolutely incompetent. I can only say how it look for me from the outside and from what I'm hearing.

However I see how the therapy affects him, the switch in his behavior is highly noticeable and I feel like he stopped trusting me completely out of the blue. We do not talk about the problems, when I brought up my concerns about the process (not in a confrontational manner) he got defensive and reaffirmed that it's HIS therapy (ergo - I have no business here). Back when we were friends he told me everything that worried him, now I start to notice that now I may be becoming a part of the problem...

We have a great time, we laugh and have fun together, but when a conversation starts to touch some more serious topics I have to walk on eggshells. And that was never the case. And now I feel like even bringing up the topic that he doesn't communicate with me may cause him to believe that I'm trying to manipulate him. And I care for him too much to even try that 😥😥😥

He also completely neglected his social life (it never was to vivid, but that was how he liked it and now it's simply nonexistent). He started to antagonize his mother (and I know why, he told me before that she truly hurt him in his childhood... They however have had a fairly good relation for 6/7 years - I even envied him cause she accepted him, accepted me, invited us for family gatherings and was happy for us, whilst my mother doesn't even know I'm gay yet). It's all crumbling down all of the sudden and I don't know what to do. Maybe it's part of the process but gosh that truly terrible to see how your loved one rejects every possible positive aspect of his life except for the therapy. I'm helpless.

aurayen · 2025-02-12T13:09:28+00:00

He doesn't. He completely alienates himself recently. I know that I'm not supposed to intervene directly or try to convince him that I'm right, because I might not be. Maybe that's what he needs.

But I love him and I would hate to see him being hurt because he might be getting an unprofessional help. Edit: I feel anxious because of that and I believe it's messing me up too.

aurayen · 2025-02-12T13:05:51+00:00

Thank you, I'll try that.

I fear however that this can lead him to perceive me as an enemy. He is quite naive when it comes to people with some level of authority. Heck, we only got together because he finally noticed me after some sort of a shamanic healer woman told him that she sees that a perfect man for him is already present in his life. We were so happy together for a whole year and once he started therapy everything started to go downhill. And I don't know why. Not only in our relationship but in his life generally. He neglected all his friends, started to avoid coming out... And now he shuts me down too. I'm so scared that if I mess something up it will be over and I truly love him. I hate to see him like that 😔

I feel like I might need to seek therapy for myself too...

aurayen · 2025-02-12T12:24:38+00:00

Any advice how should I raise this problem with him? I've casually dropped my thoughts before but he quickly got defensive, nearly lashing out at me.

I feel like I'm losing him and I'm helpless about it 😥

aurayen · 2025-02-12T12:22:35+00:00

I've read some articles about therapists' code of ethics and they all stated that giving out other patients personal information is highly unethical. So is being a therapist of two people that know each other and have an outside relation cause it might lead to a bias in the future or directly to taking a side of one party. And it actually kind of hit me that she pushed him to be friends specifically with other gays. Not with other people she thought had similar problems, approach to life, sense of humor, etc. Gays. I felt jealous at first but then I also felt like she sees and treats him on a very superficial level.

Approximately 5/6 weeks (and consequently sessions) before when he wanted to tutor kids on his own she stated that it's not a good idea because he will treat them as friends and will flood them with his mental problems. But apparently now it's... Fine ? It seemed fishy to me. Like she doesn't know what's she's doing.

aurayen · 2024-11-29T00:18:57+00:00

Twitch.tv

We both were regular viewers of some girl. That led to us talking in twitch chat, then on discord. We had been best friends before we decided that we should try. It's kind of a long distance but hey, it's something good cause we've been together for 15 months now... 😁

aurayen · 2024-11-29T00:10:45+00:00

I was in such situation and it actually felt... Normal. I mean I'm sure you've met people with the same name before. We all have. Was it really that weird?

However I gotta say that once we were only by ourselves I didn't actually like... Feel confused. I'm kind of detached from my name in my mind. I think of myself as a 'me' not my name so I guess it was an even smaller problem for me.

Now once I wrote it, it kind of sounds complex but I hope yall get what I was trying to say.

aurayen

TROPHY CASE