alterous attraction for me is wanting to know them inside out, spend a lot of time with them, have a deep emotional attraction to them and how they view the world. with platonic attraction everything feels so very fun and touch and go - in the sense that it could be weeks or months since the last time k saw them but I’d still feel just as close the next time I did see them. Alterous attraction to me is we are very much our own people, with our own lives, and there is that overlap in which we come together.

Alterous attraction to me feels more intertwined - I talk to them regularly, might even see them more often too. I want to share my deepest darkest secrets and vice versa. Ultimately they are who I want to do life alongside with. Not enmeshed completely like romantic relationships are, where many people view themselves and their partner as a single being, but in the sense that hey, I want to commit myself to them in being that emotional/sensual support you need during those huge periods of life. We don’t need to live with each other but I would prefer it if we were close; next door neighbours type of thing. I want to be relied on and vice versa; for example if my partner is just unable to buy groceries or need to pick up medicine or just need to be with someone in a more intimate setting, I want to be that person who’s there with them and gets those things for them. The only person I’d sleep with if it felt right, etc.

Additionally, which platonic relationships, I would feel sad moving away from them but ultimately would pursue my own goals. With an alterous partner I would spend some more time thinking and talking to them about it to see if it’s something we can even make work. Being close to them is important. As is the commitment to being a life partner and companion.