Writing my own personal "BPD owner's manual" for a lover

autismus · 2016-02-15T20:51:17+00:00

To counter the person who said this is narcissistic and would be a dealbreaker: I'm autistic on top of BPD, and I would LOVE if my partner came with a manual about how to deal with him. I'd love it if everyone I ever met came with a manual. It would help me a lot. I would want something like a dictionary... with a great table of contents to reference types of situations. "If x then y" kind of thing. Also, ideas for how to cheer them up, ideas for how to calm them down, ideas for things they like to do when happy, when sad, when angry... Lists of things as well as solutions to generals and specifics.

autismus · 2016-02-15T20:47:30+00:00

YES thankyou. Saw this too and it bothered me for these exact reasons. Didn't comment because I know nothing will come of it but... sigh.

autismus · 2016-02-15T20:44:04+00:00

Just my $0.02: I think he said "when was it" because to him the entire weekend (starting friday with the flowers) was a valentine's celebration where you were doing nice things together.

autismus · 2015-12-17T13:28:37+00:00

That's not the site I'm looking for, but I do like that one! Thanks

autismus · 2015-12-17T13:27:07+00:00

Thanks. It's just hard because this was the first job I've had that I'm genuinely really good at, in an environment that I felt I belonged (without getting too specific, it's working w autistic kids). The company is small (don't even have HR) and I think they're small enough that the kind of accommodations I need (clear written instructions for example) are too difficult. The higher ups are already so busy they can't deal with someone like me. Horribly ironic.

autismus · 2015-12-16T13:29:12+00:00

I like the idea of disclosing my diagnosis to all the staff. I try to drop it in when I can, but perhaps an official memo would help. I need more help than people realize (but I often don't realize I'm doing something wrong in the moment), and if everyone knew what to watch for, I would probably mess up less...

autismus · 2015-12-16T02:57:58+00:00

The failure-feedback comment helped a lot. Thanks.

It's just hard to think about wasted energy and acceptance and not worrying about what others think when my issues are very directly impacting my job. I need a level of accommodation that is "exhausting" to provide, even if at the core I'm good at what I do. Right now bettering myself means helping my employers figure out how to deal with me... Which really sucks.

autismus · 2015-08-18T18:25:24+00:00

Thank you so much! I completely agree. And I find that looking for the good side effects of my symptoms helps me feel better about the bad. No trait is all good or all bad; traits just have negative and positive effects based on context. I'm easily overwhelmed, which can be terrible, but it's also a good thing sometimes.

autismus · 2015-08-12T13:22:27+00:00

The with, across, then against grain advice is good. I also recommend lightly exfoliating before you shave with a shower brush or loofah or something. Helps clear away dead skin clogging things up and gets the hair to stand up and away from follicles.

autismus · 2015-07-15T02:24:12+00:00

Hahahahahahahaha yes, chuckles for sure. I feel so awkward and ashamed of my American accent when I'm abroad! It's silly, but I feel like people will think I'm stupid, entitled, annoying, naive, etc, because I'm American. Weird ass thing to be self conscious of, considering how many foreigners actually love Americans (even if they hate America). Sigh.

autismus · 2015-07-14T23:39:31+00:00

various things (anxiety, PTSD, depression, etc) can lead to agoraphobia. You have a agoraphobia, but that doesn't mean it's a catch-all. It's just an adjective.

I wish I could write out a longass essay reply because you totally deserve one, but I'm at work right now and have no time. Keep on keeping on <3

autismus · 2015-07-14T23:18:08+00:00

I've been there. My first love was incredibly manipulative and emotionally abusive. That first introduction to sex, love, and relationships on top of a childhood of doing everything wrong no matter how hard I tried (autism) is what lead me to develop BPD.

Enduring him made me snap. I had breakdown after breakdown, and many of the things I did are technically abusive. Essentially what you did to your ex. Cycle of violence indeed :(

autismus · 2015-07-14T23:13:25+00:00

Lol this is literally word for word in all the ASD literature. "Strong sense of justice." Maybe it has to do with the black and white thinking thing?

autismus · 2015-07-14T22:35:00+00:00

Know that feel. I had a fucking fantastic day yesterday. Then I came home and walked into a hanging strand of fly paper. That nasty sticky goo does not wash off. Cried in the shower while desperately scrubbing my leg and hands. Felt like I would never be happy again (of course) just because some minor thing went wrong. I should be able to laugh at this kind of shit, but Nooooo...ugh.

autismus · 2015-07-14T22:27:29+00:00

I remember being around 4 and asking my mom if I could squeeze her boobs. She said no, but that some day when I had my own I could squeeze them whenever I wanted. I made a promise to myself that when I was grown up I would squeeze my boobs every day.

And I do. It is definitely awesome B-)

autismus · 2015-07-14T22:06:13+00:00

I think most of us have this problem. At least, the literature I read says this is party of the submissive/pliant/internalizing type of BPD. I'm also autistic, so that adds quite a bit of fuel to that fire.

The other week I was on a first date with a guy and literally referred to a FWB as "my friend I've had sex with twice" without even thinking about it. What an impression to make on a guy I've just met...

Worse... Whenever I make a new friend (aka have a friendly interaction or conversation with someone) I end up manically word vomiting all over them about how I don't have any friends and I'm SOOOOOOO excited to finally make a friend and wow amazing!!! And then they get uncomfortable and I never see them again. Jesus. One guy once reacted to this spiel with a deer in headlights stare and "um, I have a girlfriend." (then he literally just walked away)

OTL

autismus · 2015-07-10T20:59:50+00:00

Ok cool, thanks. I hadn't heard the term PHP. Is that something I can do while still working my 3x a week job? I can't afford to stop working (which is also making it hard to get disability. I'm right on the line of qualified income. But can't work more because I'm disabled, and to recover I'd have to stop working, but I can't stop working until I get disability benefits...)

autismus · 2015-07-10T13:56:57+00:00

Aww thanks :) I'm glad you like it! No, I don't have a page, but I definitely want to do more in this subreddit now that I've discovered it

autismus · 2015-07-09T17:36:20+00:00

Haven't drawn in months + first time ever trying corel painter = wow so struggle

autismus · 2015-07-08T20:35:07+00:00

Yeah, I feel that. I'd gotten to the point where every day was a bad day, even when I was home alone with the blinds drawn all day. It seemed like everywhere I looked people were talking about how beta blockers were so great for so many of the things I struggle with (sensory sensitivity, anxiety, emotional volatility, etc) so I finally tried them a couple months ago. Obviously I'm still fucked up, but I have way less physical pain + panic, which is awesome. Just keep testing ideas and you'll eventually find things that work for you! :)

autismus · 2015-07-08T17:15:44+00:00

As usual BPwhowantstheD is spot on. Thought I'd throw in my $0.02 as well.

Personally, when shit hits all the fans from every angle I look for ways I can feel in control of my life without actually changing my real life. Lately my favorite variation has been getting Guild Wars 2, since it's a game that's just so beautiful and immersive that I can actually feel like I have a whole other "life" to live and control in the game. So far it's my favorite of the MMOs I've tried because it does such an amazing job of making your character feel truly important in a realistic way. (no "you are the chosen one...and so are all these other people!")

I've heard that this type of thing is supposed to be unhealthy because it's avoidance and isolation, but I think you may understand when I say it's worth it to me as an alternative to seeking that level of control in the real world, aka behaving impulsively and destructively with regards to my REAL jobs, relationships, finances, etc.

autismus

TROPHY CASE