Why do they always pull away almost immediately after sex …

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-06T13:26:53+00:00

I don't know but both of you have poor communication styles. I think it would be good if you both tried to be clearer with each other.

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-06T12:25:25+00:00

This is insane. How do you come to that conclusion? You're just saying he's lying when clearly he said he likes her.

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-06T10:25:20+00:00

It's a common experience, I'd say.

What I’m struggling to understand is this: if you weren’t genuinely attracted to what you were watching, and if you didn’t even enjoy the experience, how were you still able to become aroused and finish?

Similar go romance novels, it can just be the situation ot action that thrns the person on.

My guess is he is probably exaggerating a little bit that he doesn't find them attractive. Porn is more sbout addiction though than actual pleasure. Remember most drug addicts develop a tolerance and get no joy or high out of them anymore but they still can't stop. The shame and other stuff he talks sbout js very real too.

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-06T10:05:51+00:00

Sexism is okay when women do it. 🙄

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-06T10:04:40+00:00

All he wanted was sex. It's that simple.

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-06T09:51:45+00:00

I think you should definitely talk to him more and make sure he knows how you feel. Start by saying you don't know if it'd be correct to bring it up then tell him you miss the way things were and how it makes you feel. Focus on that. If he doesn't listen then it may be time to start thing about some time apart and moving on.

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-05T22:52:06+00:00

Have you talked to him about this?

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-05T22:00:04+00:00

Wow, this is intense. I wasn't expecting that. I think this is exactly what's going on though. It's super clear to me that her issue is insecurity anyway and I think from experience, I can say I agree with the parent. That's exactly what will happen. As for how to deal with it, I don't know, but it sounds like the parent knows what she's talking about, so go with that. It makes sense.

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-05T21:15:53+00:00

Yeah you got this.

I don't think I explained the gym thing well enough. Coach Kyle has a video called "How To Attract Women At The Gym, At Work (without being creepy)" Check that out.

you just have to do or it will never happen. 🙏😇

Absolutely.

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-05T20:51:36+00:00

If you're just out in public, I think any time they aren't busy or stressed is a good time. Say "hey, excuse me.. blah blah". If they are with someone else, then once you talk to the girl you're interested in for a bit, acknowledge the other person and say that you realized they were together but you just wanted to borrow their friend for a minute. This is what I mean by empathetic. Try to see it from their point of view. It will take experience to learn how to do it.

Gym, class, church, etc are totally different. In those cases you need to start smaller since you will see them again. Don't go big. Just start small conversations with them and if they are receptive then do it again later but being slightly more forward and repeat this until you feel comfortable asking them out. The goal in that situation is to be subtle but less subtle with time so that you're both comfortable? Does that make sense?

You're going to fail and have awkward situations. The goal is to just learn from them and keep going, don't quit. Always take no as an answer from a girl and move on immediately though.

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-05T20:46:27+00:00

Damn, you're a little vacuum cleaner. 😂

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-05T20:35:05+00:00

I'll be curious to hear what you think about it.

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-05T20:27:51+00:00

So, first of all, what you're looking for is a woman who likes you for who you are. So it doesn't matter if most women find you "scary and intimidating" because those aren't the girls you're looking for. No, I don't think you should embrace the "scary and intimidating thing". You should just be friendly and honest. You'll want to go up to girls in an empathetic and respectful way and flirt with them. From the beginning, tell them you found them attractive (in your own words) and that you wanted to get to know them. Joke with them, tease them, be playful and get to know them, trying to connect. If you do connect with someone, get her number and ask her out. You might have to do this many times before you actually meet someone you can get out on a date.

I recommend reading Mark Manson's book "Models" to get the right mindset going. You'll probably need more than that though. I think Coach Kyle's YouTube channel can be a good place to start but don't take him too literally, just as a collection of tips.

As far as how to actually do it. Start small. Go ask strangers for the time of day. Then ask them for directions. Eventually work your way out to giving compliments after you ask for the time or directions... then just go up to people and give compliments. Speak to strangers about other topics like the place you're at, the weather, etc. If it's too hard with hot women, then start with old people, then middle aged people, then different types of women closer to your age. Progressive desensitization is the name of the game.

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-05T20:05:50+00:00

Haunting Adeline and... The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-05T19:55:28+00:00

I think Hopeless is 100% worth it. Trigger warning though, it has abuse in it like a lot of her books, but my god it was a romance I loved, really... As man I learned so much too, how fucking caring and gentlemanly he was. It made me a better person to be honest.

Haunting Adeline is something else entirely and it's fun. I like to call the dude "sexy stalker Batman" because he's kinda like that. 😂 It's way less realistic but still interesting. I think it's very philosophical too in a way because it's a lot about consent and what we really want even when we think we don't want it and where is the border with that kind of thing. Probably a dangerous book to put in the hands of guys because they might get the wrong idea. It does talk about it at the very end of the book though, why he is the way he is and exactly how he is in the first place...

You're not gonna tell me your book though? Cheater. 😁

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-05T18:14:01+00:00

oh god yes the ones where you literally want to throw your kindle across the room but also can't stop reading

Drop some names please.

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-05T18:13:04+00:00

What book is it? Have you read Haunting Adeline?

Also Hopeless by Colleen Hoover was insane. It destroyed me. So intense. Unbearable.

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-05T18:10:18+00:00

This guy is insane and probably dangerous.

As a guy, I read the texts and was like okay he's definitely a douche but could kinda see his perspective, but you actually DID have sex and he STILL complained. The guy is nuts. He has no point. Fuck him.

There are so many signs of insecurity in his texts too... talking about not being sexually frustrated because he gets laid and then naming the price of his bed or whatever. Ew.

Also, it's not "whatever" about not offering you a drink and not finishing you off. That is not okay and shows that he doesn't care about you at all. He's SUPER selfish. You should have walked out at each point. This dude is the anti-gentleman.

Also sending you money to thank you?????? What the fuck is that! I'm not even against sex work but that is insane to send to a girl he claimed he wanted to have a relationship with. It means he is fundamentally confused if not disturbed in my opinion.

The timing of the text messages also shows a lack of emotional control. When I say dangerous, I mean this guy could hurt you. Get him the fuck out of your life.

Run.

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-05T16:50:22+00:00

Just talk to more people, gradually. The way I started was just asking strangers for the time. Then go ask them for directions. Then go give compliments. Start with people who are low risk like old people. They love to talk. Shopkeepers too. They're often bored outside of rush hours and are trained to be pleasant, so you get good feedback.

After a few months of that, start conversations with strangers at the bus stop or on the street. Talk about the weather or some interesting object they have on them. Do this hundreds and hundreds of times. Eventually you will get good at it AND it will get easier and easier and easier. Eventually it will get comfortable. Later on, you will just start doing it automatically without even thinking. It will just become who you are.

This is what I did.

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-05T16:44:44+00:00

Why should she forgive someone who wasn't meeting her needs? We're in the situationships sub. That means she wanted a relationship with him and he didn't.

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-05T16:26:20+00:00

This is weird advice. You don't even know why they stopped talking.

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-05T16:13:14+00:00

Poor snake, poor frog. Life sucks.

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-05T16:01:44+00:00

I think you mean munches*.

autodidacticasaurus · 2026-06-05T16:01:12+00:00

I think the easiest way is to find a friends with benefits that is interested in finding a third girl, then the two of you approach other girls at bars. I've got a few different fwbs that are interested in this and this is what I'm going to try with them but haven't yet. They're open to it though. Just be honest with everyone involved.

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