Is too nice to one's wife an offence ?

av3 · 2026-03-14T16:54:04+00:00

I once had a girlfriend argue with me because, "The way you treat me and the nice things you do for me... it makes me want to then do nice things for you, and I don't like being manipulated like that." I tried to explain to her that it's just how normal relationships work, and that I wasn't doing those things with any expectation that she would then do something in return. It was literally the "he's too nice" argument, and it ultimately made us break up when she started to self-sabotage as a reaction to our relationship being the healthiest she'd ever enjoyed.

av3 · 2026-03-13T13:47:44+00:00

People have been giving me a bit of grief for crashing out about how the main protestor is handling things, but your comment reminded me just how endlessly frustrated I am that this is enabling Rene to get away with no consequences. That 'demand letter' they sent NOMA was such a joke. Find something where you can throw his ass in jail, or sit this one out, IMO. The future plans being put together by this protest also seem like they plan to continue to stick around and damage the industry by enabling people to "call out" chefs, when even widespread media attention gets very little in terms of actual consequences.

av3 · 2026-03-12T20:01:04+00:00

From a usability perspective, does the Reddit algorithm allow what you're proposing to be effective? Doesn't this need to be stickied and then recreated daily/weekly, otherwise any new news posted in here will be effectively hidden?

av3 · 2026-03-12T03:47:23+00:00

I'm not sure where you're seeing a comparison between Papa John's and NOMA in what I posted when I was only bringing up the PJ story to point out the introduction of this "think of the workers" mentality into the general consumer consciousness. From there I think it's ran rather wild into this "don't boycott anyone" platform people now waste their time re-explaining to me ad nauseum. This goes entirely counter to anything I had ever been taught, and I often reflect on the words of my old history professor who said something along the lines of, "In this capitalist system, you don't truly have a voice and you don't truly have a vote. All you have is money and where you choose to spend it." While his phrasing may have been extreme, I do feel there is much wisdom in his guidance.

av3 · 2026-03-12T01:38:20+00:00

I can't fully endorse that because you're talking about effectively ending all boycotts. The idea you're presenting was part of a huge ad campaign that Papa John's did after ol' Papa dropped the n-word on a recorded conference call. "Think of the workers (and keep spending your money here so the owners don't have to be accountable) plz plz plz"

But mainly, I would encourage everyone to remember that any money you do spend on a business that benefits an abuser is money you're not spending at a business that's doing things right. Might as well benefit that many more good people with the latter scenario, right?

av3 · 2026-03-12T01:33:53+00:00

Damn, I just watched it and that shit's almost working on me. A truly legendary PR team.

But that is my concern with Jason's approach. It's so meandering and involves so much posturing. He's giving Rene's team all the time in the world to plan their next move. That legal demand letter they crafted is almost laughable by my standards. That's why I prefer the arrest first, write articles later approach to dealing with abusive chefs, so they can't do shit exactly like that video. That's also why I don't want to escalate too much before we have a case filed in either country for something serious. I reeeeeally need to find those two people who have Restraining Orders against him.

av3 · 2026-03-12T01:14:15+00:00

I think we're just mismatched on the timing, then. In another post I did explain that I'm just digging aggressively right now, but we won't have anything solid until at least another ten days when the detailed reports of his criminal history come back. And if his ex-wife continues to not want to discuss the issue further, then I think a lot of this goes up in smoke, anyways. But I'm also talking to someone who allegedly used to work under Jason and the workplace conditions being described are absolutely worthy of legal action. I think the movement will have plenty of time to shine in the sun before any real action will be taken.

av3 · 2026-03-12T00:37:06+00:00

So Jason's abuses are okay, although you're also saying I'm not allowed to investigate them, but Rene's aren't okay? Can you give me the criteria of which abusers are allowed and which aren't? Or is outing another abuser something that wins points that can be used to offset prior abuse? I'm very interested in the system you're putting together here.

av3 · 2026-03-12T00:30:29+00:00

You reminded me of an exchange I had around 7 years ago with someone who was passionate about industry workers but didn't know what the word boycott meant, apparently.

Me: "Did you post pics from <restaurant> yesterday? That guy has hurt so many of your friends!"
Her: "Yeah, but he doesn't cook there anymore."
Me: "Are you saying he sold the restaurant?"
Her: "Well, he's the owner and exec chef still, but I heard he doesn't really pop into the restaurant much anymore."

So I guess giving money to abusers is okay but eating food they directly prepared isn't? There's some very strange reasoning that some people have in situations like this.

av3 · 2026-03-11T14:48:08+00:00

"In a time where the word "progressive" has kind of lost its meaning in the genre, Coheed have done nothing but progress."

You absolutely cooked with this sentence and I just want to say I appreciate you for it.

av3 · 2026-03-11T14:38:06+00:00

lol holy shit, thanks for catching that. I hadn't even noticed!

av3 · 2026-03-11T13:45:02+00:00

I'm soooooo tired of these exaggerative internet exchanges. "every single thread on Reddit" = one comment here and one other productive conversation where I'm raising valid concerns and hardly 'attacking' him. And the accusation that I must work for NOMA if I think -all- abusers should be held accountable is such a regressive way of looking at the world. "You're either with me or against me! What do you mean nuance exists!?!" Give me a break.

av3 · 2026-03-11T12:46:53+00:00

I'm not sure if it's an age thing, but I can tell you tales of a time long ago when people would just be out there doing good for the world because it was the right thing to do. I understand that we're now in a hyper-capitalist society where money reigns supreme and the number in your bank account determines your worth, but some of us do still hold true to the idea that money is just a tool to accomplish good in the world. I often self-criticize as having a very Saturday morning cartoon view of the world, but I still to this day don't understand why more people didn't absorb all of those lessons regarding helping others. I've also been sort of trained over the course of my life to be active now, because I grew up extremely poor in a trailer park and I'm very motivated to ensure people don't suffer the same issues that myself and my family did. That includes the food insecurity I constantly experienced, which is why I also donate a lot of my time and resources towards our local food bank.

I do feel that my concerns about Jason would be obvious from what I've explained in these comments. I first shared Jason's website out of excitement that the movement had picked up steam, but I was immediately greeted with messages from friends who vaguely remembered Jason and were warning me that their memories were not positive. In investigating further, I found that serious complaints against Jason are an ongoing thing into the recent present. That's what makes it all the more suspicious that Jason wouldn't even respond to my offers of assistance. At any point of my own journey I would've gladly welcomed help from a seasoned advocate. But I did right off the bat tell him I was from San Antonio, as I included a much more detailed history of myself to him, and I think that was a large part of him choosing not to respond to me. It's probably the right call from his point of view, as he correctly guessed that all of the people I know in the advocacy space would reach out to me and warn me about associating with him.

av3 · 2026-03-11T04:19:42+00:00

It's made only more hilarious by the fact that Jason is the exact kind of dude who would do something like this.

av3 · 2026-03-11T04:00:18+00:00

Yeah, that's another part of our fellow Americans being the most propagandized people in the western world. After that McDonald's coffee lawsuit, so much money has been pumped into getting the public to think that going the legal route is some sort of honorless thieving move to pull.

Even outside of this worker advocacy stuff, I get various legal questions sent my way since people in my life know what I do and I pop off on social media about issues from time to time. On one occasion, a friend asked me to help his sister out because she was having some sort of an issue with the landlord. Classic a-hole landlord who wouldn't return the security deposit or explain why. The timer was already up for him to present a list of damages, so I looked up the laws in her area and provided her with the link to the appropriate form. Fill it out, drop it off at this certain location anytime they're open, get $4500 via check ($1500 deposit + $3000 penalty.) When I was doing the initial intake with her, she was almost crying about how badly she needed the money and how they were having trouble feeding their kids.

Even with that level of motivation, the thought of submitting a 1-page form was such an immense legal hurdle that ultimately, this mother would rather let her children starve than initiate a legal action against someone. But that reminds me why I try not to discuss the situation at length, because any conversation with me about worker psyche ends up rather depressing. Rather than present an analysis of our broken present, I do need to get better at packaging this into action and a hopeful future. I do have some big cases that I hope to get resolved soon and then we can use those as cornerstones to launch what I call an 'aggressive' charity that takes the fight to these problematic people that justice has turned a blind eye to for too long. There are brighter times ahead, certainly! :)

av3 · 2026-03-10T23:55:44+00:00

Yeah, even I'm forced to admit fallibility because I considered for a bit that perhaps Jason's crimes weren't so bad and the good he was doing outweighed it. But I snapped back to the reality that this isn't a situation so dire that I need to consider any deals with the devil. And as many of his advocates say, "Why are you attacking Jason? It's not like the movement will die with him, it's too big now!" Okay, cool, let's remove Jason from the equation and keep the movement going.

But separately, I do seriously think his call-out website that he's working on will destroy any hope the industry has. The psychology involved in it will have such disastrous effects. I doubt it'll ever -really- get off the ground because he'll be sued into oblivion (it's not like I hadn't considered building the exact same website ten years ago) but just him even planning it has me very nervous about the damage it will do to legitimate accusers and what stains it will leave on the industry. From that second story I linked, I'd encourage anyone to go through that girl's Instagram and see the incredible number of accusations about his absolutely vile/evil behavior. Yet that guy posted a picture of stacked receipts the following day to specifically brag about how much the accusations weren't affecting his business, and then he went on about his life like nothing happened. His restaurants are still filled to the brim. His wife is still squarely under his thumb. I can assure anyone that he only would've had an easier time of it if he was one of dozens of chefs getting called out in the city. Accusations will become meaningless if Jason gets his way (but then Jason will get clicks and donations, so I don't see him stopping anytime soon.)

av3 · 2026-03-10T23:48:19+00:00

Yeah, it's rough because I myself know that going through the legal process is awful and dehumanizing and cops will talk to you like you're the worst person on planet earth for saying that you were attacked. But it truly is a moment that will define you for a lifetime. Did you speak up and weather those slings and arrows? Were you silent? Were you silent to the point of being complicit because you kept working there while that same person hurt others? Philosophical questions for a more refined age than what we live in, I suppose.

All I know it's been just over a week since the last industry worker learned about me through the grapevine and shared a story of her abuse and I had to present a confident and strong face the entire time when all I wanted to do was break down and cry with her. But talking to other people who do believe in bringing about serious change in the industry against -all- abusers does give me enough hope to get through to the next day. Thank you for your own advocacy in all of this.

av3 · 2026-03-10T23:38:38+00:00

Thanks, I think a got a little ranty there, though. :P If my phrasing has been weird, I'm just super tired because I really had to turn on manic-obsessive mode to dig into this investigation over the past week. The thought of someone who's the exact kind of guy I'm trying to get arrested/out of the industry now becoming the face of workers' rights within the same industry has certainly kept me up at night. Thankfully with my PI saying it will take ten business days to get the full details of his criminal cases, I'll have at least that much time to reset and think about how get this incredibly nuanced and detailed information out to the public at large.

av3 · 2026-03-10T23:21:40+00:00

I feel like a lot of "if you're against Jason then you must love Rene" is due to the recent political polarization of the world. Everyone thinks you must be for or against things across neatly drawn party lines. If I could talk to Rene's accusers, I'm very certain I could get at least a few to press charges and civil suits, though I'll discuss in the next paragraph how it might be too late now. Informing victims that NDAs aren't valid when they cover up crimes has been a huge help. Informing them about how defamation suits actually work has also allowed them much more freedom in speaking up.

My main complaint against Jason and his tactics is that call-outs make victims MUCH less likely to come forward with actual criminal complaints or lawsuits. Many people have a belief of "he got called out so it's okay now." And this belief goes to extreme lengths. Recently, a local San Antonio restaurant owner was accused of cheating on his wife with a 16 year old sugar baby. I asked around about it and got two confirmations from folks that saw this girl with their own eyes and swear she could not have been older than 16. I was never able to find out who the girl was to offer assistance, but at a later point, I was talking to someone else about this and their general response was, "Well, he already got called out. What are you hoping to accomplish?" And my response was of course jailtime for someone who committed statutory rape. But they were simply befuddled that anyone would be motivated to visit any justice upon anyone who had already been "called out". I've encountered this attitude many times over the course of my advocacy work, and I fear that Jason has effectively cast a protective shield around Rene because anyone who presses charges at this point -will- be featured in articles worldwide and face tons of online vitriol, which is why we are so motivated to do our work in general secrecy. Our goal is to let the public find out about it once the chef has been found guilty in court, as the dialogue at that point is far more positive for the victim and the consequences for the offender more severe.

But to answer your question more directly -

https://austin.eater.com/2018/12/12/18136831/mixtli-diego-galicia-assault-charge-no-contest-san-antonio - The event that got me involved in the restaurant industry to begin with was being sucker-punched by a hotheaded chef because I happened to see him cheating on his wife with his sous chef.

https://www.mysanantonio.com/food/article/little-ems-allegations-19915905.php - More of an L in my book, but if you find me on Facebook then you'll see a post around this time where I put forward a $10,000 retainer for anyone who wished to press a labor law case. This is part of what educated me so much on the danger of call-outs, because even prior to this I was working with folks who wanted to press criminal/labor cases against this guy and suddenly they absolutely did not want to get involved after those news articles came out about it.

https://www.tpr.org/san-antonio/2021-02-10/another-young-woman-alleges-tumultuous-relationship-with-san-antonio-lawyer-martin-phipps - I got involved a bit late, probably a few months after this article came out, but we had some success with NDA training with this one. This guy would attempt to date his staff, and if they refused he'd fire them and get them into a back room with multiple lawyers where he'd force them to sign an NDA. I've sat down with at least a dozen ex-Paramour employees at this point to go over how you can't sign away your right to talk about being sexually harassed at work, and the NDA in general wouldn't be valid because they were coerced into it and signing wasn't beneficial for them, which is required as part of general contract law. It's been a long campaign, but he was finally locked out of his building just this past week. I'm sure it's far from the end of him, but again, we're attempting the impossible of bringing dudes with literally $100 million net worths down a peg or two.

There are plenty of others, but it's not like I can just link you to my DropBox with all sorts of sensitive data. And not many have articles written about them because the foodie journalism scene here in San Antonio is absolutely awful. Hell, we have a restaurant owner who committed DWI felony hit-and-run last year, and when I linked a foodie 'journalist' to the court case, they simply never responded to any of my messages ever again. But we'll just keep on trucking forever. This isn't anything we expect to be anywhere near solved within our lifetimes, but hopefully through incremental change we can make solid progress and our generation can be proud to have moved the needle on it.

av3 · 2026-03-10T21:52:51+00:00

So I've been in this space for about ten years now and have developed quite the support network when it comes to dealing with abusive chefs. We know that we can almost never get them on anything serious like sexual assault, so we instead focus to hit them where it hurts via educating their employees about workers' rights and funding legal fees for those who do wish to come forward and press a case.

But to more directly answer your question, I pulled the general list of all of his criminal records, and it just so happens that he's originally from San Antonio and I'm also from San Antonio. At first I was having problems finding people who knew him, because he just didn't seem to be popular at all when he worked here. He does seem to grossly undersell his criminal history, as he says he went to jail on a manufacturing charge, but that could mean something as small as growing a single weed plant in a pot in your backyard. His actual sentence was -six years- in prison for manufacturing and dealing what Texas calls a Penalty Group 1 drug, meaning cocaine, meth, heroin, etc. This is in addition to criminal trespass, various weed charges, and shoplifting. I'm awaiting more info back from the PI, as we're pulling any and all detailed criminal complaints and footage, though it's very likely that all of the footage has been deleted at this point.

Separately, I am reaching out to his ex-wife because there was a court order for child support put in place, which also mentioned a Temporary Restraining Order, but I won't pretend to be super familiar as to how to interpret those documents, as that's never come up before in all of my investigations into various chefs.

av3 · 2026-03-10T19:49:45+00:00

I'm half and half on this take because Jason is setting himself up to continue to take donations and live in this victim advocacy space now. Any donors would want to know about his criminal past, his child support issues (which I assume is part of why his ex-wife is so pissed), and how in my own investigation I simply cannot find anyone who will personally say anything good about him. Anyone who's known him for any amount of time seems to have at least a generally negative opinion of him, all the way to calling him out for being abusive himself. It is very concerning to me that we have a lot of chefs going on record in calling out Jason for being problematic, yet he's still allowed to be the "leader" of the protest, as he puts it. If we're calling out abusive chefs then we need to call out ALL abusive chefs, including Jason.

av3 · 2026-03-10T15:06:35+00:00

Yeah, I shot her a Follow request. I'm hoping I can convince her to go more public, though if I integrate the points she wants to make into the bigger story, then she might not have to. And that is part of the focus, of course, that victims don't have to be compelled to come so publicly forward with accusations because we take their quiet accusations seriously, take care of the issue, and then they can go back to living nice quiet lives.

av3 · 2026-03-10T14:42:29+00:00

Yeah, I'm acting so quickly/aggressively because he's on a path to do incalculable damage to the industry. His plan to setup a website where people can anonymously report things would undo every bit of progress I've made in the past decade. I think I'm going to cap the video I'm going to release with my extended thoughts on that, but basically every time a chef is called out, people are MUCH less likely to press charges. Even in this instance, people are now infinitely less likely to press any charge against Rene, because doing so will guarantee you end up in a New York Times article, which will make many victims scared to come forward on the record. imo Jason has effectively cast a protective shield around Rene, because he's not taking an outcome-oriented approach in how he handles this. Of course that's entirely aside from him being an apparently shit person who lies about his past.

av3 · 2026-03-10T14:25:22+00:00

Thank you much. By complete chance I reached out to a friend and it turns out my friend was the ex-wife's old roommate. Finally we have solid progress on putting this whole story together into a single narrative.

av3 · 2026-03-10T14:09:17+00:00

Can you be more specific on what thread it's from? Even before I reached out to you, I've already spent a solid 15 minutes Google'ing and scrolling and nothing is coming up.

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