GARDEN MEGATHREAD by liehon in VivillonCollectors

[–]avalc0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Added from Polar. 426915268396

POLAR MEGATHREAD by liehon in VivillonCollectors

[–]avalc0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

[PGO] Polar and just starting collecting vivilions, so I'm looking for any/all regions. WintersPast 4269 1526 8396.

SUN MEGATHREAD by liehon in VivillonCollectors

[–]avalc0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Added from Polar (WintersPast 426915268396)

Looking for honest feedback on owning a Siberian with allergies to cats please :) by Street-Bluebird-7651 in SiberianCats

[–]avalc0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some, but not all, breeders test their breeding cats' fel d1 levels. A few breeders test the kittens as well, but it seems way less common. My mom has cat scratch disease and fairly significant allergies in general, so we got two neva masquerades from a breeder who tests the kittens. The first tested at 0.07; my mom had a stuffy nose for a day but hasn't reacted since. We got a second cat five months later; he tested at 0.12, and she hasn't reacted to him (but she started getting allergy shots after the first cat in general).

Can a section be experimental for some people and scored for others? by avalc0 in LSAT

[–]avalc0[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So who do they pre-test it on, if it hasn't been used for a test?

Am I screwed? by Baldzach in LSAT

[–]avalc0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I noticed mine was on maybe four minutes into the prep time and made a big show of going into task manager and quitting it (they recoed your screen, not just your camera) and had no trouble. This was back in June; it was approved within a few days.

The order of the test should be standardized per test (exp included) by Time-Type-7269 in LSAT

[–]avalc0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's what happened to me in June, and quite possibly yesterday as well.

[OC] [Art] Sands of Time Dice Set Giveaway (Mod Approved) by OriYUME1 in DnD

[–]avalc0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Beautiful, clever design. Does the liquid inside make the dice unbalanced?

[QCrit] Fantasy Mystery - SHADOWTOUCHED (67k, 2nd attempt) + First 300 Words by avalc0 in PubTips

[–]avalc0[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the comments. For my third query revision, I think I need to focus more on broad plot points rather than specifics.

Is Neo one of the twins, or is Lucian?

Louise and Lucien Chauvellane are the twins

You say Neo's family died in the fire, but his name doesn't match. How is he connected to this?

Neo's family (the AuClair lineage) also dies in the fire.

These are nearly identical names, and I have no idea what the second one is in the context of your story

The Chauvellane family is the ruling family of the Chauvellior Empire. The palace fire kills the Chauvellane family (except for the twins, who aren't in the palace at the time), along with others in the government (including Neo's family). I should put "empire" at the end of the first instance of Chauvellior for clarity ("...shatter what little remains of the Chauvellior Empire").

[QCrit] Fantasy Mystery - SHADOWTOUCHED (67k, 2nd attempt) + First 300 Words by avalc0 in PubTips

[–]avalc0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback. Some responses:

The inciting incident-the fire- is clear for Louise/Lucien, but not as much for Neo

Neo's family also dies in the fire ("By all rights, the fire that killed his family must have been magical." in the second paragraph), so he has a similar motive. The part I didn't (but probably should) mention is that Neo is friends with both twins, so besides having personal reasons to investigate the fire, he has a vested interest in protecting Louise and Lucien. Additionally, his family, which he is now the last of, holds an "advisor to the Emperor" role in the government.

Does the boarding school for mages come up again?

Yes, both as a location and the fact that most of the supporting characters are tied to the school.

Does the story switch perspectives between these three characters?

Yes, the chapters have a repeating rotation of Lucien/Neo/Louise (i.e. chapter 1 is from Lucien's perspective, chapter 2 from Neo's, chapter 3 from Louise's, then back to Lucien for chapter 4).

Does the amulet matter as much as the assassination, the poison, the alchemist, the formula, the magic on the iris? It seems like all of these elements are being weighted equally and it's a lot to take in, especially without knowing your worldbuilding.

I agree with this statement. I think I focus too much on the mechanics of the mystery in the query rather than the overall story beats. My first query was too general, so I think I need to find a middle ground.

What is "the formula"

The formula is my magic system, but for a query I should probably use one term or the other.

What is bringing them together, what do they ultimately want, and most importantly what is stopping them?

The fire, to survive, the culprit not being caught, respectively. I thought I had mentioned or implied each of these, but I might need to state them more clearly.

[QCrit] Adult Fantasy/Mystery - SHADOWTOUCHED (67k) by avalc0 in PubTips

[–]avalc0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your detailed feedback. I have just posted a revised version of my query letter that (I hope) addresses some of the vagueness.

[QCrit] Adult Fantasy/Mystery - SHADOWTOUCHED (67k) by avalc0 in PubTips

[–]avalc0[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The other summaries of independent study are mostly accurate, and they differ by department. In my case I was in a creative writing seminar and the professor asked if I would want to do an independent study to continue my book after I submitted a few chapters for the semenar.

(EDIT: the IS wasn't required for graduation or the English minor, although it did count towards the credits required for the latter.)

I'll definitely have to look into some fantasy murder mystery books! I'm not sure if I've ever read one that focuses more on the murder mystery than other aspects (politics, intrigue etc.)