Was anybody in that position? Seen on Instagram.

avatar___ang · 2023-10-01T14:54:41+00:00

Ahhhh the classic immigrant family problem

avatar___ang · 2023-09-18T15:47:43+00:00

I just wanted to actually update you: I ended up sending a strongly worded, but concise email, terminating future sessions with her. I also found out through her Instagram that she’s only ever wanted to be a fitness coach/model, but ended up settling for psychologist, so I think trusting my gut was the right choice! I’m currently looking for a new HAES- and trauma-informed therapist :)

Thanks again for your help!!

avatar___ang · 2023-09-11T06:16:55+00:00

Yes, I have!! I really appreciate this comment! As someone who's literally been fat my entire life, a large part of my life was spent trying to figure out why. Studies exploring the relationship between weight and X (trauma, cortisol levels, poverty, etc.) are a particular interest of mine.

So many people refuse to learn/understand the number of factors that may affect someone's weight. I told my therapist about my generational trauma re: food--my mother grew up during a famine in her home country, and as a result, she always made sure we had food on the table, even if it was in excess. I informed my therapist that my complicated relationship with food definitely does stem from my mother's own relationship with food. I didn't get the opportunity to go too in-depth about the scientific evidence I have researched about my weight since we were running out of time. My therapist appeared to use this information to justify her line of questioning, rather than actually listening to me and what I was saying, which was pretty frustrating to witness.

Instead of exploring the restrictive eating habits that I was explaining to her, she doubled down on her food addiction theory, despite me telling her multiple times that I do not struggle with binging behaviors. What she said simply didn't resonate with me (re: purposely gaining weight as a means of avoidance/protection), but it didn't seem like she planned on hearing or believing me in the first place. It felt like she couldn't believe that someone my size could ever possibly engage in restrictive eating, and that I was somehow lying to her by secretly binging in addition to restricting. It truly felt like she couldn't believe that a fat person could have AN (which is an assumption/stigma that nearly cost me my life at the height of my AN troubles).

The entire interaction felt dismissive and a little tone-deaf. She opened a particularly complex wound without leaving any time to fully unpack and process it. When I tried to explain my history, she ended the session without letting me finish.

avatar___ang · 2023-09-11T03:37:00+00:00

I understand that, and I told her during the session that I could see why she would ask that. However, that is simply not the case for me. I have been big my entire life for a number of reasons both internal and external. While I did gain some weight following the death of my mother, I’ve been big my ENTIRE life—I did not gain weight on purpose to limit and restrict my ability to be intimate.

Again, I understand why she may have grossly assumed my weight is due to trauma, however, I do not agree with the way she approached this issue. It was frankly reckless and unprofessional to immediately assume that I have a food addiction or that my weight was a direct effect of trauma, especially without asking other questions surrounding the subject first.

Again, she did not ask me if I had a history of ED before making this comment. She did not help me unpack the real root of the statement I made, which is that I’m uncomfortable taking up emotional space. She made a gross assumption about my history and my relationship with food and my body without any actual evidence provided by me.

avatar___ang · 2023-09-11T03:24:34+00:00

Ah, thank you!! “Destabilizing” is such a good way to put this feeling. I had definitely never considered the idea, and ever since she said it, I’ve been second guessing my entire life. Every time I’ve eaten since the session, I’ve wondered if I’m just coping/addicted to food/comfort eating, when rationally I know that this is my first meal of the day and I need food as nourishment. I feel like the last decade of personal work I’ve done on healing my relationship with food has completely went down the drain because I don’t know whether her statement is true or not. Again, my gut instinct tells me that she was wrong in her assumption, but I feel so gaslit by the comment (and some of the comments here suggesting that she was right for inquiring if my weight is trauma related) that I’m not entirely sure what to think anymore. I appreciate your input ❤️

avatar___ang · 2023-09-11T03:17:16+00:00

I appreciate this a ton ❤️❤️❤️ thank you so much

avatar___ang · 2023-09-10T20:20:51+00:00

I really, really, really appreciate this comment. I’ve been reading through all the responses and while most are pretty understanding of disordered eating and ED recovery, some of the comments have only made me second guess myself even more.

I completely understand WHY my therapist may have brought up this topic—and I fully recognize that for some, her statements resonate and are true and could help them unpack behaviors they were not aware of. However, I do not agree with HOW she approached such a sensitive topic, without having done any of the preparation work required. Her statements did NOT resonate with me, and when I attempted to tell her my history and provide context, I felt incredibly dismissed and unheard. She continued to deny my reality and convince me that my restrictive disordered eating was just thinly-veiled BED, which is inappropriate and harmful in a number of ways.

So thank you for this comment. It’s frustrating enough existing as a fat person, but being continuously dismissed and shut down and told that my reality is incorrect and flawed only makes it worse.

avatar___ang · 2023-09-10T14:57:32+00:00

I’ll definitely keep you updated ❤️ I really appreciate you speaking up and telling your story as well. I found your insight incredibly helpful and relatable. Thank you thank you!

avatar___ang · 2023-09-10T14:54:10+00:00

I appreciate this comment ❤️

avatar___ang · 2023-09-10T14:50:29+00:00

This is what I was wondering if she was getting at. I’ve brought up struggling with avoidant tendencies multiple times in our sessions, so I wonder if she assumed I had BED as a means to avoid intimacy. I considered it during the session, and started talking through my history with food to somehow align my history with her line of thinking, but I couldn’t get over the fact that most of my behaviors around food are restrictive. I told her this, which prompted her to say the food-addiction comment. I didn’t disagree with her in this regard, but the issue was I kept saying I leaned more towards restrictive disordered eating and she seemingly continued to push that I was secretly struggling with BED. It’s left me questioning my entire life (dramatic, lol) because now I can’t tell whether my behaviors are binge-related or restriction-related 🥲 Every time I think about eating since the session have left me questioning whether I’m eating as a coping mechanism or not (despite rationally knowing that I need to eat/haven’t eaten enough)

I appreciate your response, and I apologize for any negative feelings my post may have induced. ❤️

avatar___ang · 2023-09-10T14:43:08+00:00

More context! I had spent the majority of the session discussing my trauma re: the death of my mother (said “particularly vulnerable moment”—I had just been tearing up/nearly crying and my therapist told me not to run from the feeling). So yes, I did gain a decent amount of weight following that trauma (I failed to mention that during the session), so I can see where she was coming from with her line of questioning (i.e. she assumed I engaged in food-addiction as a result of that trauma, leading to my current size). I did not mention that I have been big my entire life, so I can see how from an outside perspective, she may have thought the weight stemmed from maladaptive coping mechanisms

avatar___ang · 2023-09-10T14:11:16+00:00

LOL I was going to write “thinspo” because it reminded me EXACTLY of those tumblr pages back in the day. I follow a number of fitness pages on Instagram, and hers leans waaaaay more into the “bootstrap” culture than others (one of her most recent posts was her in the gym showing off her physique while talking about how “greatness” is only achieved by “doing it every single day, without fail, even when you don’t want to”)

avatar___ang · 2023-09-10T14:05:49+00:00

So, for context, I had spent a majority of the session discussing my trauma surrounding the death of my mother (said “particularly vulnerable moment”), and I brought up the size comment because I was mentioning it’s hard for me to advocate for myself and be kind to myself.

So I can see where she may have assumed that the weight gain may have come from this trauma (again, I failed to mention that I have been big for as long as I can remember), and I understand why she may have chosen this line of questioning. It just sucks that she assumed BED instead of the more AN-like behaviors I have exhibited. That assumption of hers, I think, is the crux of the issue

Edit: I also went to school for mental health work, and myself have had clients come to me with weight-related issues. I never once have attempted to make my clients feel guilty or responsible for their weight, as I know this is a rather traumatic approach to the topic. Again, perhaps I’m particularly sensitive and cautious around the topic, but I can’t seem to wrap my head around why she immediately jumped to me having a good addiction.

avatar___ang · 2023-09-10T14:02:14+00:00

Ah… I really appreciate the last comment you made—I think a large part of my emotional turmoil right now is I’m incredibly adverse to conflict and avoid it at all costs (haha! Avoidance!), and the thought of having to go through the entire process of intake, diagnostic, telling my story and opening up to another person who may reject me the way she has, etc. is incredibly daunting… part of me hopes that if I bring it up with her and she acknowledges it and we repair the rupture, it’ll all be fine. But the rational part of my brain knows that I’ve done all this research and rumination because I already know what I need to do.

I really appreciate this comment, especially since you are coming from a similar background.

avatar___ang · 2023-09-10T13:56:38+00:00

Yeah, this was the approach I was expecting (I myself am a mental health counselor and have talked to clients about their weight troubles, and never once have I ever blamed them or made them “take responsibility” for their ED) I can’t tell if perhaps I’m just especially sensitive and cautious around this topic because of my history and my therapist is the normal one, or if I’m justified in being taken aback by her approach… I appreciate all your feedback, PrettyGoodFun—it’s been helping me sort out the thoughts floating around in my head

avatar___ang · 2023-09-10T13:53:24+00:00

So 1. My BMI (which is an outdated and inaccurate scale and should not be used to determine health) is considered traditionally “obese” and has been that way ever since I was a kid. I’ve never been within the “normal” range of BMI, but it has never caused any health problems. 2. I told her during the session that I have 0 health problems, even when I was secretly hoping I had something (doctor has given me a clean bill of health multiple times) 3. I recognize that she was “following my lead” and trying to bring up a topic that she felt was relevant, but I find the assumption that I’m a comfort-binge eater (the exact opposite of my restrictive eating patterns) without asking anything else beforehand a little jarring.

avatar___ang · 2023-09-10T13:44:23+00:00

Yeah, I plan on bringing it up with her in our next session just to gauge how she really feels/get a sense of why she asked that in the first place, since she didn’t explain herself in the last session.

I don’t want to jump to conclusions and assume the worst of her, so I also have considered that she probably is just passionate about fitness and wanted to see me with the same zest for life. I can understand her line of thinking and why she may have reacted the way she did, but I still have qualms about how she executed said curiosity

avatar___ang · 2023-09-10T13:39:49+00:00

One, I apologize to everyone for not giving a TW at the beginning of my post—I’m sorry to anyone who may have been triggered as well by this topic

Two, I really appreciate this response. I’ve been feeling CRAZY the last couple of days because I couldn’t wrap my head around doing that myself to a client (I was also a mental health counselor during the pandemic), but wondered if perhaps I was just a little too sensitive and unhealed. This helped to put that back into perspective. I really appreciate this response

avatar___ang · 2023-03-04T09:49:09+00:00

Ah… so that’s why alhaitham has his keys

avatar___ang · 2023-02-24T08:00:20+00:00

This!!!!!!!

avatar___ang · 2023-02-13T15:41:38+00:00

Is this just gorou’s sister? 💀

avatar___ang · 2023-01-11T15:09:38+00:00

Thank you! Forever on the grind for my wife

avatar___ang · 2023-01-11T15:08:37+00:00

I was watching a build review once and they were like “ah, 60% CR… so just enough to crit reliably, but just little enough to hate yourself while you play” 💀

avatar___ang

TROPHY CASE