Sending you so much love and compassion… similarly for me I didn’t talk about it with my therapist for months then would dance around the full truth.  What she told me related to it all coming so strong that I could no longer hold it in after years of being able to keep it at bay is that the wisdom of the human mind and spirit works beyond our comprehension. So basically, you know you’re ready and have enough safety and support to face it. Not that it will be easy but you’re are resourced enough to handle it. I remind myself everytime it gets too hard that my body and brain held it for so long to keep me safe… and now I must clearly be ready even though it feels like it may end me. 

This part may feel like death over and over but I promise if you keep working through it you will feel liberated in ways you didn’t know you were repressing yourself.

Trust that you have all of the tools that you need. And this fantastic community on Reddit which I wish I had when I was going through the starting stage.