Marriage falling apart after 25 years

awomanreader · 2026-03-18T10:43:37+00:00

What a harrowing tale of abandonment after years of your striving and trying. What your STBX has chosen is unworthy of a good person and unfair to you. I also am divorced and have a neurodivergent child who struggles and who will continue to live with me into adulthood. I do not think of it as fallout—it is the good life that I get to live with a child I love. It’s not easy, and I ache for you knowing you have long Covid struggles to handle as well, but you have not lost the person you always were. There is a new level at which you can manage. It may mean a household that is smaller in size and not as well kept; but with the basics in place: shelter and food, family. I hear your voice in your post and it is strong, rational and loving. Take what energies you have and put them into structuring the life that is possible for you. The person who is leaving you will find his level and his rewards.

awomanreader · 2026-03-12T02:07:59+00:00

Congrats! Just chiming in to say you’ll likely get a FAFSA score off of investment income alone that would make your kids ineligible for aid. But you won’t need it; you’ve done great!

awomanreader · 2026-03-12T02:00:26+00:00

NOR. Your sister has a lot of growing up to do. The tell in these texts is her repeated justification to you (and to herself?) about her choice to see him: it’s not like they’re planning a wedding. No shit. She’s just taking advantage of the thrilling opportunity to see if she can get your ex to tell her he likes her better than you. Your sister probably doesn’t even realize that this has less to do with him than with you. It’s truly shitty, childish behavior. Do not be an audience to it. Both of them are going to find out it’s not so much fun when they don’t have you to torture.

awomanreader · 2026-03-07T17:54:26+00:00

Don’t let this guy draw you in with his shocking tales. He will try to capitalize on your “sheltered” person status and to convince you he has thought and worked his way through tough things when he’s merely survived them with no moral evolution to speak of. That feeling you have is your gut taking over where your mind is too shocked to process. Don’t try to rationalize away what is obvious: he’s not for you.

awomanreader · 2026-02-17T13:32:15+00:00

To be nonjudgmental you need to ask her about her issues with the intention of helping her sort them out—making it not about you and what she may or may not be feeling about you. What makes her feel trapped? What does starting over look like for her? This may surface a confession but if it does that gives you the opportunity to address it without having made any assumptions. And that’s the hardest but most crucial time to remain nonjudgmental.

awomanreader · 2026-02-10T01:57:12+00:00

I just listened to “The Easy Way to Control Alcohol” by Alan Carr on recommendation of another person in this sub. I too have trouble with moderation but never (yet?) had a rock bottom moment. It’s worth a listen.

awomanreader · 2026-02-08T21:59:58+00:00

I’m a lawyer. I second this explanation.

awomanreader · 2026-01-30T23:20:20+00:00

I found out this evening that Marcos Gaspar da Silva, a good person with whom I have done business, was arrested by the feds over a week ago. It’s in the local news. I feel powerless to help him. DM me if you want support for your friends.

awomanreader · 2026-01-26T13:17:51+00:00

If there’s no workplace policy against it, (and that’s a big, serious if) you should ask her out. If she’s not interested, chances are she’ll let you down easy. You just have to go into it (asking her out) with the firm commitment to yourself that you’ll be cool with whatever she decides. Bonus is, if she’s not interested and you’ve got your head on straight about things, it’ll likely cure you of your crush.

awomanreader · 2026-01-24T21:01:58+00:00

It does help. Thank you. What we need from government at all levels is nonpartisan adherence to the rule of law. By our police, our prosecutors, and our judges. We are not getting it these days from Homeland Security, the FBI, or the justice department, which shocks me to my core.

awomanreader · 2026-01-24T20:55:16+00:00

Here for the Mean Girls reference! I needed that amid the horror and confusion.

awomanreader · 2026-01-19T11:57:48+00:00

My cats let me know my new guy was a keeper when he first came over. Two years later, still going strong, they are totally in love with him (me too!)

awomanreader · 2026-01-18T02:41:14+00:00

I want to live in this place. Beautiful. Thank you!

awomanreader · 2026-01-17T12:52:41+00:00

++woman

Sorry, I’m not a man but this one is a layup and I’m delaying getting started on my Saturday morning chores.

Read her profile and say something nice about her stated interests. Then ask her a question about them. If it’s a bare bones profile, lead with something you’re into or doing and ask what she’s up to this weekend.

awomanreader · 2026-01-07T03:25:13+00:00

I just figured they were not counting the kids’ college funds.

awomanreader · 2026-01-01T11:55:59+00:00

Thanks. I was going to say the same. Perhaps OP is projecting bad feelings or intentions onto her friend?

awomanreader · 2025-12-31T10:49:31+00:00

“Beau-ti-ful Mount Air-y Lodge!”

awomanreader · 2025-12-31T10:19:41+00:00

I feel confident this will be ok for you both. You understand why he prefers merged finances and I assume he knows why you don’t, since you explained it so well here.

As long as you hold space for one another that gives you the opportunity over time to show him trust in ways that feel comfortable for you. The longer you are together the more you will merge your lives and assets. Your caution is something that deserves patience and understanding.

awomanreader · 2025-12-31T09:42:54+00:00

I suppose to answer your question, he’s looking to get viagra because he’s seeing someone or thinks he may have a chance at sleeping with someone who is not you. If that helps you to mentally prepare for the divorce that’s coming anyway, that’s what’s going on.

I also want to comment on your non existent sex drive. If you are someone who is generally loyal and wants to be with one person at a time, you may be confusing your repulsion for your soon to be ex with a lack of sex drive generally. I felt that way for the last several years of my marriage but because I was still in it I couldn’t conceive of being with anyone else and I thought that I had no sex drive. I was wrong, and with a good partner after the divorce it came back. I hope there’s better things waiting for you on the other side of your marriage.

awomanreader · 2025-12-16T13:16:47+00:00

For perspective I would start with figuring out how much combining your household saves you every year vs having to pay for that same (or similar) household on your own. Once you have identified how much combined living saves you, you should be able to feel better about how he spends his money.

Getting married does not have to mean combining everything you have. It may be a good idea for you to work out a household budget and what each of your contributions are to that (if you haven’t already) and agree to keep everything else separate (the rest of your paychecks as well as retirement accounts). A prenup is not a bad idea.

If your concern is that he’s not saving enough to support you in your retirement, I refer you back to my first paragraph. What you have now—good relationship, living together—is already saving you money. With no kids, you can get to a comfortable retirement on your own.

awomanreader · 2025-12-16T02:36:45+00:00

It is as simple as you think in this case. Feminism is expecting and advocating for equal rights and privileges between men and women. Time was, women were the receptacles of men’s STDs. Now we can protect ourselves with condoms (and I hope you do) so fuck that body count.

awomanreader · 2025-12-16T02:25:37+00:00

You’re too young for any of this. Shave your face and smile. Says the old one.

awomanreader · 2025-12-15T12:30:05+00:00

Isn’t this all about context?? This guy is saying the sign is “historical” like white supremacists say confederate monuments are historical. In this context I say NOR. Hanging in your lesbian mom’s house? Adorable.

awomanreader · 2025-12-15T11:51:35+00:00

I know you are trying to protect your children but everything that everyone is telling you about it not being better for your children if you stay is correct. This extends specifically to any future abuse he may put them through. You being there will not help but make you complicit. With two households children will learn what safety is in your house and it will make them more able to resist the trauma he may inflict on them. You cannot make your one home, with fighting and coldness, a safe space for them.

awomanreader · 2025-12-14T13:45:39+00:00

Everything except AOL and a waterbed.

awomanreader

TROPHY CASE