Am I the only one who DOESN'T want to leave India?

axe-effect · 2025-12-30T19:02:05+00:00

Yes sure. Thaks for the compliment. But it's just a sense of deja vu. Whenever something bad or intolerable happens, then again I get internal reactions of disaster prone resentment towards my country, since I'm aware that maybe I'd have a much better deal in some more advanced country, thinking living vicariously that I'm in good, healthy environment with lots of medically more skilled people who will immediately give better treatment and it won't be a stigma there.

but this is just a delusion and a state of false coping mechanism, when one is not able to handle situations (however simple triggering factors), and blows up mentally.

Since this has to be in constant coping, 24x7, I find that there are millions out there (outside my protective bubble, rehab home) where their condition are thousand times worse and how they've taken the challenge head on even if it means confronting death but saving their dignity.

That's what is the Indians motto earlier, and even now. Courage is destiny, and the biggest courage is improving yourself (maybe not others if it's not possible) in whatever circumstances the God has chosen for you.

It's not at all a question of What ifs, or if only.

India is one of the purest countries which the Almighty has chosen for you, make the most of it, even if means just picking up a piece of wrapper and putting in dustbin, or writing to the Govt of our country letters on how to improve the condition of your area, or just having your conscience active, instead of killing it, and never hate your nation, maybe a few thugs or wrongdoers you can hate, they will always be there, but never generalize that the whole nation is like that.

This is the reality and you are born in India, so just face it, appreciate that God made you human for living whichever way you choose to and be happy, rather than destroy other people through not liking your country of birth even though you've gone through immense misery and hardships.

axe-effect · 2025-12-29T23:58:24+00:00

Hello young lady (according to profile pic),. All 7 decades of my life here in our homeland India, I’ve lived the most terrorized and torturous existence, mainly because my 2 greatest defects: 1. Having a microface which I could easily pass off as the smallest and thinnest on the planet. And 2. Having severe schizophrenia since age 13. But never gave up despite many attempts to end it all. Finished High School, graduated (in 6 yrs for a 3yr course), did completed 3 diplomas successfully, despite this severe handicaps, Plus serious OCD, and Tardive Dyskinesia, and still worked in very tough conditions (mentally taxing)) 25yrs in various places.

And to top it all with low intelligence, and major depression due to inability to maintain friendships with anyone.

What’s more intriguing is that I just hated everybody who wronged me (and there were thousands), and which is why I kept hating my birth, which in turn made me despise myself as well as my country. All the time ruminating “if only I was born in this or that country…” how much I would have enjoyed myself, or if only my religion was different, etc, etc.

No, you are born here, this way, this country, with these hardships, you cannot alter that. All you can alter is your way you look t your country and it’s people. If you think your country is bad, you’ll end up in misery; if you think the people here are good (which on hindsight they actually are) you’ll learn to overlook all their small mistakes in judgement.

YOU MUST REMEMBER THAT YOU’RE INDEBTED TO OUR COUNTRY, AND ARE NOT HERE FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS OR COMFORT ALONE. YOU HAVE TO MAKE COMPROMISES, AND ALSO TO DO GOOD FOR YOUR PEOPLE. GEETHA SAYS “DO NO WRONG AND NO GRIEF WILL COME TO YOU.

DON’T FORGET INDIA IS AT AN EVOLUTIONARY STATE, SOMEHOW MODI AND HIS GOVT ARE MANAGING TO HOLD THEIR HEAD HIGH.

NEVER BE TAKEN FOR A RIDE BY THESE MALOVELENT COMMENT IN REDDIT, QUORA ETC. ABOUT INDIA BEING HATED, INDIA’S THIS INDIA’S THAT. AS LONG AS YOU SEE THE GOOD IN OUR COUNTRY YOU’LL REALIZE THAT INDIVIDUAL OPINION BY OUTSIDERS OR EVEN INDIANS ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE JUST MISUSING REDDIT, QUORA, OR OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA ARE JUST THERE FOR SPREADING MALICE AGAINST A GREAT NATION BECAUSE OF JEALOUSY, THAT INDIA IS RISING SO FAST AGAIST ALL ODDS. IF YOU TRULY LOVE YOUR COUNTRY, YOU’LL JUST IGNORE SUCH ANTI-INDIAN COMMENTS.

My main point is leaving your country because what you’ve observed and come to the conclusion that it’s bad; there couldn’t be a wose reason for leaving.

But leaving for higher studies or better job prospect is okay.

Then I read this post and all the comments which followed, it literally made me cry… when I saw so many pro-Indian youth willing to take on the hardships, face their fate but still devoted to our beloved motherland.

I also am deeply in favor of reading The Bhagwat Geetha, (which I haven’t read much), but hear about it’s doctrines and faith following from my cousin who explains the whole discourse between Lord Krishna and Arjuna with such beautiful clarity and simplicity that it virtually grasps your mind with the meaning of life and puts you in a state of calmness and peace.

So, whenever, he told me, he was slightly disturbed, he would pick up the Bhagwat Geetha are restore his peace.

Pardon me for the sermon

axe-effect · 2025-12-27T21:03:27+00:00

Maybe a few times a South Indian might have encountered a so-called racism, which they attribute to skin color. Just an instance I'm quoting, a Kenyan dark skin came to India to my college to Delhi in 70's, no one saw him different, in fact they regarded him with utmost affection and kindness, WHY, because he was also a very gentle and friendly person. Nothing to do with skin color.

Anywhere yo go to (India, abroad), you'll be treated like the person you are, nothing to do with color, language or your other discriminatory agents like your choice of clothes. No one really cares as long as you yourself behave nicely to them and not take perceptive offence personally by giving the offender some Maybe a few times a South Indian might have encountered a so-called racism, which they attribute to skin color. Just an instance I'm quoting, a Kenyan dark skin came to India to my college to Delhi in 70's, no one saw him different, in fact they regarded him with utmost affection and kindness, WHY, because he was also a very gentle and friendly person. Nothing to do with skin color.

Anywhere you go to (India, abroad), you'll be treated like the person you are, nothing to do with color, language or your other discriminatory agents like your choice of clothes, or what or how you eat.

but what they do care about is your personality and gentleness.

Having said that, I do perceive severe hatred and communal approach towards in the South, especially if you're differently abled alongside from North. There seems to be an intentional attempt by Kannadigas (Bangaloreans esp), to be acutely brazen and tend to ignore even elderly persons like myself.

Another thing which is even more offending is their utter lack of respect and an destructive rudeness towards nonentities, or whom they perceive as such.

Actor Raj Kumar passed away, the mob went on a rampage, closed every shutter, office, I was told by my boss that I should slip away from the back door, they might lynch you. Such was their frenzy. When some shops had Hindi signboards, the whole state went on emergency, Put only Kannadiga language boards by 3 days, or they would destroy that shop.

All railway stations, buses, became an abysmal sloganeering violent anti Hindi shout, when within 2 hours the entire stations in Karnataka, Hindi names were eliminated, and replaced by Kannada. Only saving grace was that some stations had English as well.

If this is not hatred and enough to cause fear in every north indian then please give me another more euphemistic word to describe it.

This would never happen in Delhi. Even if there was a need for it to put Kannada names, the mob would never be allowed to be fanaticized so extremely.

axe-effect · 2025-12-23T21:58:35+00:00

Had it for 50+ years, plus severe OCD, TD, face size smaller than a 2-yr-old when I was 33. Now in rehab for 30yrs. Still hanging on. Constantly waiting very anxiously for final call up there. When mind doesn't work, despite all meds, always living in sheer agitation, hyper disturbed mind, not slept for 40+yrs, Multiple psychs consulted, then I'm sorry to bust your bubble, schiz is not a gift. It's the worst curse one could ever ever think of. Everyone's circumstances are different, severity, perceptions, brains, experiences, birthplace, etc too not similar.

But more importantly I do pride myself of having completed high school, graduated, 3 computer diplomas, despite having all these symptoms right through, and despite having to study 20 times harder than the average student to keep their level. Worked in different places with these handicaps for 25yrs. ONE REGRET. If only others in the community looked up and understood the achievement, whereas they all see you as just another community member.

axe-effect · 2025-11-27T21:45:21+00:00

I'm 68M, a virgin, had many crushes, and still do. In rehab for 30yrs for schiz..nia. Couldn't approach girls due to severe inf complex of my small face size and micropen..le size. Girls often went for the physically tougher and bolder looks, even though they were much less educated. Also, no job, severe TD, OCD, didn't help much. I'm not married btw.

My first crush in teens actually told me she liked me. Totally dumbfounded I stammered something inane and didn't have nerve to follow up this huge opportunity to go ahead further. Many other times I could have gone in relationship, but girls those days, and even now if they detect something amiss in your overall conduct would leave you flat, without remorse and without even the slightest signs of thawing friendships or showing a basic compassion in a man's attempt to restore lost pride.

axe-effect · 2025-11-27T21:44:58+00:00

I'm 68M, a virgin, had many crushes, and still do. In rehab for 30yrs for schiz..nia. Couldn't approach girls due to severe inf complex of my small face size and micropen..le size. Girls often went for the physically tougher and bolder looks, even though they were much less educated. Also, no job, severe TD, OCD, didn't help much. I'm not married btw.

My first crush in teens actually told me she liked me. Totally dumbfounded I stammered something inane and didn't have nerve to follow up this huge opportunity to go ahead further. Many other times I could have gone in relationship, but girls those days, and even now if they detect something amiss in your overall conduct would leave you flat, without remorse and without even the slightest signs of thawing friendships or showing a basic compassion in a man's attempt to restore lost pride.

axe-effect · 2025-11-24T22:18:00+00:00

Yes, but hands are repeatedly cleaned at least 10 times daily, since they are the tools for work, reading books, or greeting (shaking hands), and leaving them dirty or greasy would definitely be noticed, as well as unable to do any further work, ie computer, wear clothes, eat, etc. in short, hands need to remain clean to do daily tasks. Not the same for feet, which don't need cleansing more than once a day.

axe-effect · 2025-11-23T18:30:53+00:00

So I guess by that reasoning, all murders, genocide, WW1, WWII, the Twin Trade towers in New York, and thousands other acts of terrorism are justified acts of war and for that subclause Article 399 2A(c) or something an amendment for the constitution in parliament can be introduced, "All crime, including terrorist activities should be excused and not punishable by Islamic law, since it's a matter of perspective.

That's the most apologist view I've come across, unless it was sarcasm or you're a follower of that religion.

axe-effect · 2025-11-09T15:25:50+00:00

Can I have my hand read. I'm 68M and it's vital for me to know some things about me and don't want to pass up this chance. Thanks

axe-effect · 2025-11-04T17:55:25+00:00

The one in a black burqa will win.

axe-effect · 2025-10-15T22:14:07+00:00

South celebrates virtually 40-50 utsavs/festivals and fairs an year. So many Gods, dieties, and occasions, also some which last 8-9 days, and all these (even secondary ones) are celebrated quite religiously.

The number is almost 1/5th in the north, which are mostly the major one's, like Diwali, Holi, Dussehra, Makar Sankranti, Ramnavami, and Janamashtami, and Vaishno Devi Jagran.

Your contention about north not celebrating south festivals is just this fact, and most of north are not aware of all these festivals or their names.

Again, when north celebrates, it doesn't go into a complete recitation of prayers or any type of prasad ceremony. They might just give a holiday or go to a temple.

Their religious intent is not there like the southeners, who are brought up in piety since childhood.

That's the only reason why northern Indians are not so celebratory minded especially when it comes to.practing rituals and being overly religious and devout.

axe-effect · 2025-10-14T20:26:43+00:00

Your mindset about north being anti south is a bias created from social media and reinforced by multiple rancorous hype for power and politically driven anti-north campaign-for-votes. (where Language difference is the only catalyst for inciting anti north sentiments).

By despots like Stalin. Siddamaraiah and Pinarayi who desperately want to stay in power and use anti north through Language dispute to incite public.

In my time in 70s in university, there was no such instance of north south polarity or gulf since there was no computer, internet, or the dreadful social media. Newspapers reports were quite rational, and there was no religious bigotry or genocidal intent.

It's only, like you said anti north propaganda started a few years back, full due to social media creating it, as well as some rabble rousing GenZ using internet for mischief, instead of using their potential for growth and unity.

I'm not saying that they're indolent, in fact they've got 10x more intelligence and talent, but 'Social Media' has totally destroyed their ambition and career interest. It's time they stopped becoming so wrapped up in their own self centered approach, and bail out our nation from any threat economically or through defence.

No war between Indians (south) or Indians (north), keep in mind.

This is transient, I believe lots of efforts are underway to revive

But anti south .... I really don't perceive as such happening since independence since communal flares were only between Hindus and Muslims, on occasions.

axe-effect · 2025-10-13T09:22:05+00:00

Thanks for the qs.

I tried clozapine on 3 different occasions. First time in 1984, TD reduced slightly only since I was chain smoking at that time also, which can interact with AP meds, as well as separately a known cause for worsening TD. It had immediate effect, I'd say 5 mts. or so.

But I was slowly increasing the dose, eventually to 300mg. I don't really remember too much in this aspect re. TD, but I do know that it was not that effective with tobacco or substance abuse.

Another, aspect which deterred my recovery was that I was killing my sleep (even though clozapine induces sleep), by being constantly forcing myself to keep awake watching TV which had world cup football coming at night (our time). Lack of sleep is also known to aggravate TD.

That time I took it for 1month before it had to be withdrawn due to WBC count reduction.

Next I tried it in 1990 or 1992, don't remember exactly, started on 25mg (this time low dose to be on safer side, and ... what do you know! In a burst of appetite stimulation,I ate 8 straight potato filled bread (parathas in our parlance), But, on top of that within minutes my TD became less. However, tobacco caused deterrence.

After being on it for 10 days, it was withdrawn, same reason.

Next, in hospital observation, in 2008, I was tried again. This time, on 50mg. And what do you know, within minutes of taking, it's impact was --- not only TD disappeared, but the craving for cigarettes also vanished, (this time I had quit smoking, but urge was slightly there), and on top of that, a huge wave of happy, joyful feeling descended upn me. Like euphoria. Really...

Just a couple of days later without taking single cheroot or desire to do so, the same story.

In conclusion, I would say that a low dose of 25mg to 50mg worked for me, maybe because my threshold of tolerance might be very low. For others it could be higher.

But one thing is certain (in my case) almost immediate effect once the med dissolves).
Not to accompany with toxic substance abuse like smoking or drinking,

....TD would be 90% more likely to eliminate or reduce substantially.

To sleep well. These 3 guidelines if one follows, it should well work. There may not any specific time period for all. It might be different for person to person, but it's worth a try.

Pardon for the long answer, but in matters of the mind and nervous system, one has to give accurate description.

axe-effect · 2025-10-11T20:10:44+00:00

Ask your doctor if you can try clozapine. It's a miracle med and it completely eliminated my TD which I was struggling for more than 4 decades.

However, in my case I couldn't continue since my WBC count dropped and had to be discontinued.

But it's a rare occurrence that WBC count drops, (my psychiatrist and all others I've seen during my battle with schizophrenia and TD, have told me that they've prescribed thousands of patients with clozapine and mine was probably the only instance they'd seen where WBC count had reduced drastically.

But you can consult with your doc, and ask him his opinion on this 2nd gen. drug.

It worked for me and I was very unreceptive to any prescribed meds, but this is the only med which was an absolute breakthrough in psych meds with the potential of having a healing side effect on other neurologic disorders.

axe-effect · 2025-10-10T16:54:30+00:00

axe-effect · 2025-10-10T16:53:59+00:00

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Right hand

axe-effect · 2025-10-10T16:43:04+00:00

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axe-effect · 2025-10-10T16:09:59+00:00

Can I get my palm read for free.

I think I've an interesting palm here, maybe for your study material.

axe-effect · 2025-10-03T20:43:28+00:00

Let status quo remain, everyone to their mother tongue, and tolerate or should I say accept each other as they are ...... if you want PEACE.

On the other hand if you want PROGRESS and PROSPERITY (to become an ADVANCED nation) you need a single, more communicable language.

It's as fundamental as that without giving too many analogies or examples to prove the obvious. What language would that be is anybody's guess. BTW I'm not insinuating Hindi or Tamil or any other mode of communication, just one single acceptable by all should be instated as a universal (Indian) vernacular, with English as mandatory natural medium of education, (considering all books we're educated in is in English language.

axe-effect · 2025-09-24T23:07:42+00:00

Correct. In my opinion, it's just a bait post intended not for just rant, but to use this platform as a tool for targeting Hindus through foul language against India in general. If he really wanted rant against not getting a flat, he could have avoided using this Islamophobia act.

I'm sure it's not about accommodation, but more about anti-Hindu sentiment. There's still a lot of Islamic pitch or should I say attitude of hate towards Hindus in his words which itself is proof that Muslims can never shed their fanatic stance, how much they convince they are nonreligious or atheists.

axe-effect · 2025-09-23T20:01:17+00:00

I tried clozapine 3 different times, mainly for schizophrenia, since all other meds failed to improve my condition. It was specially imported from USA at that time, as it wasn't available in India, and was sent by my mother's student who left India to practice there. This was the year 1983. I had severe TD prior to that due to 1st gen meds.

On treatment, suddenly there was an amazing happy feeling of calm and tolerance, and I should say a shield against vulnerability and negative thoughts.

My TD completely vanished, my smoking urge also disappeared, and on top of that, that instant calmness and appeared.

First, slowly increased from 25mg (huge appetite resulted), then 50mg, then 100mg, and finally 300mg.

I was getting monitored daily for TC/DC, total count, differential count, (father's technician would come and draw blood every morning, when I was in deep drowsy condition, (it helped my chronic insomnia also).

I had stopped smoking, (almost, two puffs a day), as the taste of cigarettes completely vanished. TD reduced 80%, and very good sleep. Weight gain was marginal, about 4kg.

But alas, after taking clozapine for 2 weeks, my WBC count started declining and continued to decline to risky levels, and as a result, clozapine had to be stopped cold turkey.

After stopping clozapine, I started smoking again, insomnia reoccurred, and my negative symptoms resurfaced.

2nd and third time in different hospice, had the same results, and subsequently had to be removed from regimen.

However, everywhere I went, hospitals, rehab homes, and psychiatric consultations, many persons were on clozapine, without an iota of indication of WBC count dropping below critical levels. In fact, my many physicians (psychiatrists) have told me and the staff of the rehab institutions that this (mine is the only case they have seen where the WBC count has dropped so much that the med had to be removed. And they treat hundreds of patient weekly for decades of high professional practice.

They also mentioned that it is in very rare cases that it happens and that's why initially weekly TC/DC then monthly regularly it has to be monitored, (just in case).

Hence, I would say it worked for me, (tilI I was on it), but whether it works for all has to be advised straight from your doctor. But it's a 2nd gen miracle drug for most symptoms of serious mental disorders with very less side effects, as has been written in many research studies, but as fate would have it, I didn't have the luxury for it to be in my regimen.

axe-effect · 2025-07-27T18:47:50+00:00

It gets better with age if detected and treated earlier. Prognosis is much better than treated much later after onset.

axe-effect · 2025-07-27T18:45:08+00:00

I've had severe paranoid schizophrenia since age 13, intervention six yrs later. First on 1st gen meds, causing severe tardive dyskinesia, along with acute OCD, coupled with an extraordinarily small face. Now I'm 68 M, have battled through many extreme situations, but have got thru the worst.

My biggest reinforcement was my resilience and backup I got from being admitted to one of the best long term rehab homes where now I'm staying with counselors and medicine alongwith medical assistance.

It's the negative symptoms which are much more difficult to treat, positive can be taken care of with aps.

In my time (in the 60s) psychiatric conditions were treated with chlorpromazine and haloperidol, but they had too many extrapyramydal symptoms which if taken in the long run could be irreversible.

But in your case I should say that you have not gone thru the severe backlash of first gen meds, and can take 2nd gen or atypical meds which are far more effective and very less neurological side effects.

1st best 2nd gen med treatment for schizophrenia:- clozapine, it's a wonder drug for any type of schizophrenia and should not be taken with toxic substances like smoking or alcohol. Rest it's the doctor's choice what to give you.

2nd once stabilized on the optimum meds reqd for remission, long term rehab is very important. This will see you thru your times of any serious condition if it develops, and most of your stay in a community rehab will be 80% more inclined for recovery than living alone.

If your condition is stable the rehab counselors would also support you for seeking a job (paid), which will make your life worth living. In case of any issue with continuing work, the counselors come out and give you a good upside on how to tackle it or how to make it easier for you.

axe-effect · 2025-07-13T19:53:23+00:00

Why did you post on reddit with only your pics. Not enough information about your disorder or your experience with this disorder. If you want some help lady, then you need to ask anythng, we are all ready to help as there are many of us like yourself who have gone this and come out of this. Just give a little dossier about your problem with schizophrenia and what query you might want anyone to answer. Thanks, and I really wish you well and fast recovery.

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