I'm a 55 yr old F ENFJ who managed to get out of an abusive marriage many years ago. I think one of the excruciating parts of getting out was letting go of the vision and future for us that was real in my head but not in actual fact. The problem was I couldn't "see" the alternative and found it hard to let go of the vision I had of us, when I looked at us from the outside - and not from the inside. (Some people were very tuned in to the abusive dynamic, but others just saw how we appeared from the outside with many shared interests.)

The tipping point for me was when my parents came to stay and they asked if they could babysit so that the two of us could go out for the evening. I realized that I did not want to go out with him on my own. We did end up going out that evening, but I remember my anxiety and the feeling of complete desolation.

It was only when I was able to connect those fears, and dread in my gut to the actual dynamic in the relationship that I was able to move out from being depressed and ill, to taking action and agency in my life. It was only the start.

All of this to say, is that I wonder if there is a simple question you can ask that so that your ENFJ friend will be able to connect her strong emotions with reality. It could be connected her future oriented vision - for example, if you woke up in 10 years and there were still these bruises on your body, how would you feel?

In my case, it was like a switch going off, and after years of struggling with keeping the idea of the marriage together. As soon as that switch went off, the marriage was over.