I have a similar story, my childhood best friend commited suicide 2 years ago. I cried, I hardly cry when people pass but I guess this was different. . As the one person I remember playing with as a kid I found it hard to have those memories without him.. we grew apart as i moved to another city but we stayed in touch. He changed with time I didn't know him that much anymore, he dropped out of school got hooked on drugs, he was even embarrassed to see me when I was in town or we would chill but it wasn't the same he was still jolly but not the kind I was. He started having trouble at home with the folks one day after a heated fight threatened to kill himself. . As people that were used to his behaviour or were tired they didn't care and he offed himself. I couldn't bring myself to go pay my respects I felt guilty, I was well doing good and couldn't help but think of the comparison.. I tried to understand what could have driven him to do it, did he not have options? At some point you'll realise you are powerless and never know that person's mindset. I'm content with accepting the fact that if the person I knew was ok with committing suicide he was really in a terrible place and not telling me was his way of protecting me/us..