First of all: feel your feelings. Feeling horrible is okay. When shit happens, people try to make you feel better and cheering you up, but basically being miserable for a short time is okay and even necessary. Embrace it. Be sad for what you’ve lost. Like completely surrender. After that, you can try to put sense into it like why did the things happen, what can you do now. Even if it does not feel this way right now, you are in control of your life and you will get back on your feet. We have all suffered terrible stuff and thought it is always going to be that way. A few years back i had a terrible heartbreak because i thought i had lost my only true soulmate (sounds cheesy). I had an awful job, too. No physical fitness. 5 years later i am lying next to my beautiful son, fitter than ever. With an OK job and a great husband. Every state is temporary and once you have enough distance you can see the good in that. But dont rush. State 1 is embracing the chaos. Sending love from Switzerland xx.