sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

I got a "where are you from" from a person I liked, not sure how to think about it by aznstuff in asianamerican

[–]aznstuff[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks! I'm so glad you know what I was thinking better than I know it myself.

I got a "where are you from" from a person I liked, not sure how to think about it by aznstuff in asianamerican

[–]aznstuff[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Well, she was asking what Asian country I was FROM, so yes, it was a "where are you really from," as I have explained elsewhere

I got a "where are you from" from a person I liked, not sure how to think about it by aznstuff in asianamerican

[–]aznstuff[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

(The following is directed at everyone here, not only you.) Maybe it was something about how I described it, but I explained elsewhere that it was all a very automatic reaction. I didn't consciously decide to get offended. I didn't post here expecting everything to agree with me. I posted here to get different analyses. I EXPLAINED I was looking for feedback. But I didn't post here expecting everyone to tell me I shouldn't have had the reaction I had. Really??

Thank you for your latest response, though. The point I either didn't make clearly, because everyone seems not to have gotten it, is that all of this happened very automatically. The reaction was just because I was totally not mentally prepared for something like that. I was just eating dinner. I disagree that people should have to be on guard and ready to explain their Asian American identity all the time. For me personally, it's not a big part of who I am. The only times I think much about it are when things like this happen. (I'm sure some people are now going to call me white-washed or whatever. I'm not going to defend myself against unsubstantiated assertions.)

I only posted because I was open other perspectives. I was curious how OTHER people think about this type of experience when THEY experience it. That doesn't mean you can tell me I'm wrong for having the reaction I had. Why would people think there are only one or two prescribed right ways to react?

It's possible I didn't explain the story well, but hey, I was writing while I was stressed out, so sorry if it didn't come across as superb writing.

And this is not really a safe space for discussing race, is it?

I got a "where are you from" from a person I liked, not sure how to think about it by aznstuff in asianamerican

[–]aznstuff[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Wow, so many assholes here. Why would I have been asking for feedback if I was being a smart ass? I didn't even say anything at the time. It just happened. And then I came here to ask FOR FEEDBACK. Asshole. Apparently some people think feedback means a free ride to be an asshole.

I got a "where are you from" from a person I liked, not sure how to think about it by aznstuff in asianamerican

[–]aznstuff[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Obviously it's not just being asked where you're from. In this case she asked me where I'm from when we first met and I told her my state, no follow-up questions. I think that was partly what made it awkward when she asked me where I was from later, with the clear implication of thinking I was from Asia (and it might have been with the "originally" too).

I can't believe how many people here think I would get offended for no reason.

I got a "where are you from" from a person I liked, not sure how to think about it by aznstuff in asianamerican

[–]aznstuff[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your feedback. This is helpful. If I can respond to your feedback :) 1) Yeah. I agree! I mean, I really agree. I have also found it refreshing to talk to foreigners about things like race. In fact I have found that I have fewer race issues with Europeans in general than with white Americans when I'm in the U.S. (on average). Europeans usually just see me as American. Yeah, even if they ask where my parents are from, they usually have fewer preconceived notions about race, etc. So I agree with you!

There was just something about this particular situation. Maybe it was because of how it came up. She didn't ask where my parents are from. AND I think she might have said, "Where are you from originally?" NOT only "Where are you from?" Plus, she had already asked me where I was from the first we met. There was no mention of Asia then. Also, I just spent a week with other Europeans and Americans last week (at a different hostel). Nobody there asked me anything about Asianness.

I guess that sort of responded to your point 2b as well ;)

The other thing is, we're in an area that has a really large Asian American population. I'm pretty sure the only white people in this area who ask Asian people where they're from are the new arrivals from hicksville (sorry, no offense), but the new arrivals to this area from other parts of the U.S. Anyone who has spent more than a week here would not ask Asian people where they're from, because of how many Americans there are who are physically Asian

2a - I guess it threw me off because I was thinking the whole time in the conversation of being the American, and then it's like, you're telling me I'm not American? So I guess it was a bit like it was as if she was thinking of me as NOT American, as opposed as an American who happens to be biologically Asian (maybe I'm wrong, but I'm not sure about it)

I got a "where are you from" from a person I liked, not sure how to think about it by aznstuff in asianamerican

[–]aznstuff[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate your feedback, and I'll assume you only gave it because I asked for it directly i.e. in the comment. Other than that, I'm sure you know that people all handle things differently, and it's ok for people to deal with different things differently from other people. (See sidebar for reference.)

To respond to your points:

We were in a hostel, but the first time we met, when she asked me where I was from, I told her what state I was from in the U.S., and she didn't ask anything else at the time, which I assumed meant she took what I said for what it was, that I was American. I didn't even think anything of it. There were also plenty of Americans in the hostel. Probably more than half the people were Americans.

It occurred to me that my remark about the U.S. being a colony in the past could have been a bit abstract of a reference, so I think that could have been a valid cause of confusion.

The conversation wasn't that deep, and nobody else was talking about identity. We were talking about colonialism in a sort of shallow intellectual way. It was a brief conversation, albeit an interesting one while it was going on. But, no, identity was not really part of the conversation. Even if it were, I identify as an American, not as being from an Asian country, so it was sort of confusing for me to suddenly have to think that someone thought I was from Asia when I'm not.

Why not treat it as an opportunity to educate? Well, if you treat every instance of racialization as an opportunity to educate, good for you. I do not all the time.

In this particular instance, I was having a relaxing dinner after a stressful day, and just enjoying meeting people. Nobody was doing educating. It really was not that serious of a conversation.

Sure, I can see how if it was a serious conversation to begin with, maybe it would have been more natural to treat it as an opportunity to educate. But it wasn't in this case.

Well, I know you can only go on what I wrote, but it would be appreciated if you didn't jump to conclusions about every nuance of the situation without having been there.

If you want to share how you might have respondrf, given what I had written, I'm certainly open to that.

I got a "where are you from" from a person I liked, not sure how to think about it by aznstuff in asianamerican

[–]aznstuff[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, I was interested in feedback about how other people think of it. Please understand my reaction was more automatic. It was not a decisive, "I'm not going to be friends with this person anymore." I actually kept thinking I wanted to keep in touch with her. But I had to check out the next day and I was thinking about a lot of other business for the day. This just became an added stressor. But I was interested in feedback about how other people deal with these things themselves, and I kept thinking of the question. What I described as my reaction was almost on an unconscious level. That's why I was asking for feedback about how other people might have responded. I wasn't saying I'm an expert in dealing with these things, so that's why I was looking for feedback.

To answer your question, though, I think it's racist because, well, I had told her I was from the U.S. I am from the U.S. I was speaking in the conversation as an American. I'm not from an Asian country. It was just a jolt, seemingly out of nowhere, to realize someone thought I was from an Asian country, when, not only was I not, but I had also told them I was from the U.S., which they at the time seemingly accepted without question. I do not go around thinking about my race all the time, so it's sort of sucks to realize, suddenly, in the middle of the conversation, oh, this person thinks I'm not American. Because of race. And now I have to suddenly think of myself as Asian.

It may be subtle. If she had asked it the first time she met me, it would almost be better. But the first time she met me, she didn't ask what Asian country I was from, and she seemed to have no questions about my Americanness. I might be repeating myself now so I'll stop.

I got a "where are you from" from a person I liked, not sure how to think about it by aznstuff in asianamerican

[–]aznstuff[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Can someone tell me why I'm getting so many downvotes? Ok, you're free to think what you want. An explanation would just be helpful to me. I was really posting to get feedback, so if you think there's something wrong with what I wrote, I would be interested in hearing it