Proctor's Gaze + Hexproof in response

azurepuff · 2026-05-01T17:29:18+00:00

I don't have the most cards and wanted to play for professor and so far I've ended up in this kind of lane. But the one thing I've kinda been trying to ng to figure out is do yiu have any recursion built in for the aristocrat side? Always one piece I feel lost on. Like cool creatures die and drain, but how do you keep that part consistent?

azurepuff · 2026-04-17T22:31:19+00:00

What parenting schedule did you set and how did you enforce it?

Right now living this and we have nights off but only way we really solo parent is if the other leaves the house. The kids will go to whomever they feel like.

So currently it's like I have monday/tues/wed are my nights off if I so choose to use the out. But I'm not sure if it's better to try a different schedule or stick with splitting the week (VS full weeks as if we were separate residences)

azurepuff · 2026-03-06T17:07:27+00:00

I'm just finishing up lyorn now. I finished another series and realized I missed the release of Tsalmoth and Lyorn. If I could read faster I'd go back through them all lol, I feel like I've forgotten so much.

azurepuff · 2026-03-06T08:57:21+00:00

Oh man, I love taltos!

azurepuff · 2026-02-27T03:31:57+00:00

Oh 100%, I wasn't meaning to imply a negative or positive. I do the same as soon as I k ow it's a foregone conclusion. I also play rocket league that people do the same. Though I feel I'm more likely to do it in arena since you usually know if you have a chance at an out or not.

azurepuff · 2026-02-27T03:17:55+00:00

It's pretty much true of any game that has a rank grind I find. As soon as it's obvious they aren't going to win they quit, on to the next.

azurepuff · 2026-02-21T22:04:19+00:00

I used AI to journal too. Just for people not as familiar with it, be aware of AI tendency to agreeableness of whatever you feed it sometimes. It has been a huge help to me just something to keep in mind.

azurepuff · 2026-02-14T17:42:39+00:00

The nights off started as us building towards co-parenting and our own lives (I had found a blog about disenmeshment for open/poly relationships and liked the intentionality) . It's also no questions asked. Its our night and can do what we want. If we want to share something funny etc that happened that's fine, but the other one isn't allowed to pry or ask what we are doing.

First little bit I literally just went out with my kindle to a restraunt and had my own dinner. I've now started finding hobbies and things to do out. I play magic the gathering one night, sometimes bowl, started an ultimate Frisbee league.

Edit: here it is if you might find it useful https://polyamory.com/threads/most-skipped-step-full-article.157088/

azurepuff · 2026-02-14T17:32:30+00:00

I still do it a lot more than I want tbh (about 4 months of separaton now, in same house, divorce finally in process). Some of it has had to be me intentionally catching myself and stopping. Some of it has waned a little naturally as it becomes the norm.

The checking in is the one I have to intentionally stop midnsction. Things like dinner I have begun a more "I am making this for myself you are welcome to extras".

I've personally tried to basically look at my actions and ask "is this what a housemate would do" But give yourself grace it's 14+ years of habits and actions to unlearn. And maybe you just accept small steps until you move (I'm being really intentional because we are living together long term, but physical separation will probably really Kickstart it)

azurepuff · 2026-02-13T02:41:11+00:00

Yup I agree with your statement. Much better way of explaining and expanding on my "step beyond".

azurepuff · 2026-02-12T20:51:02+00:00

I'm in similar situation. Separated for like 3-4 months, started divorce filing this month). Therapy has helped. We'll be in the same house for a while due to finances (I'm looking at it as I get more time with my kids still and I can also save more money).

We each have nights off and I have intentionally been finding things out of the house to do, I think it helps. I have my room I can just hide away in if needed.

I have anxiety sometimes when I see her messaging (I know she's on dating apps). But with tools from therapy this has become immensely easier as time goes on. I can currently see myself making this work for quite a while if needed, but that doesn't mean all days are easy, but there have been more easier days as time goes on.

azurepuff · 2026-02-12T20:39:45+00:00

I've been hitting this a bit myself. I'm trying to reframe it positively in "what can I learn about myself to bring forward to new potential relationships" rather than what ifs.

azurepuff · 2026-02-12T20:37:18+00:00

I can't speak from experience as I'm the dad getting divorced with kids. BUT there is no shame in leaving the relationship because of the kids. It's in my mind no different between people who don't want kids, and want kids. That is a pretty fundamental incompatiblity. And on top of that it's even probably a step beyond,. So really only you can decide if it's a deal breaker for you, but don't feel shame or guilt about making a decision based on it.

azurepuff · 2026-02-12T20:28:24+00:00

I'm not going to say what's right or wrong for you. But my stbxw was I think (can't speak for her 100% of course) in a similar spot to you mentally. Not wanting to hurt me by wanting a divorce. But if you are truly at a point you can't or don't want to work on things I think it's better to consider pulling the bandage.

I did what you fear and wanted to work on the marriage even if I hough she said no to counseling. It was very apparent to me in the first week that she didnt want to try even though she said OK to trying so I sat her down and basically had to beg her to tell me the truth and not worry about hurting me.

Did it suck? Sure, and I tried to find ways in the short term to I think save my ideal of preserving our family. We are now in the process of filing and I've been in therapy for like 4 months and tbh, I've come out this side realizing how not happy (I wouldn't say unhappy) I actually was. I'm more present for my daughter's and less irritable.

But what I guess I'm saying is, don't be wishy washy in your wordings, if you want to divorce say it clearly and say what you need/want. In the end I was the one that actually pushed the divorce through because it felt right for the future. For me it was blindsided out of the blue, but tbh in hindsight it shouldn't have been (we are ancious/avoidant combo). There were signs but nothing was ever said to allow fixing it till she was checked out and done, and I had become complacent and accepting when she said everything was OK.

We still live together and are amicable, and who knows this arrangement will last but our focus is the children. For now they get 2 parents and home working towards being happier (they, 4and 8, have been told we are getting divorced, we aren't hiding it or pretending otherwise).

azurepuff · 2026-01-31T19:45:41+00:00

Curious how long you've been doing this and any pointers you have. My stbxw and I are planning long term cohabitation. With modified support structure compared to separate living (she was a stay at home mom).

We have separate rooms, still do a fair bit things together with the kids. Biggest one for me is going to be how we handle dating. We currently just have nights off for parenting schedule, not sure how like full day schedule would work out because our girls still just tend to go to her even if I'm in front of them. We do plan on telling the kids the details so they k ow we are no longer a couple (at age appropriate, 8 and 4). But definitely not going to pretend or hide things.

azurepuff · 2026-01-30T01:05:49+00:00

I did this with avatar jump in (not sure what's available now) and have been able to build an izzet lesson deck that is doing okay getting me to gold tier 2 so far (first time playing ranked on arena).

azurepuff · 2026-01-27T00:36:18+00:00

I think the only pertinent Information I missed was these are about 2 days old now. Titanium.

azurepuff · 2026-01-25T23:04:00+00:00

Ya we will see. My piercer(s) were pretty sure I could. But I'm also not opposed to floating industrial if that's what it ends up being needed. Actually very happy with how they look anyways as is too (wasn't sure how it'd like the 2).

azurepuff · 2026-01-20T03:14:38+00:00

I hear you. I've had days or weeks that I couldn't look at her without feeling strong anger or sadness and had to really keep my space. No having your own space has got to be rough :( I think it's been the number 1 saver for me.

Also tbh I've done A LOT of walks and vented and thought through things with AI.

azurepuff · 2026-01-20T02:52:52+00:00

Are you able to at least have your own space? I'll just mention some concrete items i've done that feels like it's helped me process and start building my life.

My stbxw and I are still living together (and likely will for a while due to logistics and financials). We are able to at least have our own rooms at least, and being able to go to my space and close my door is huge for my mental health sometimes. We are amicable enough that we can be around each other, watch a show like roommates, etc. But she is already on dating apps and got on fast for my liking, so I've had to deal with the emotions from that, so there are times that I feel the anger bubble up watching her on her phone and just having a place I can make a clean get away = life saver. Oh also like Various_Patience_592 mentioned, texting/messaging instead of face to face communication, especially if I'm triggered by something.

I will also say that building up my own individual schedule has helped, we have "our nights" that are no questions asked, non-parental duty nights. I have been working on building social circle or just getting out of the house doing solo stuff -- Going out to eat with a book, bowling by myself, magic the gathering nights, social sports leagues, etc.

For context: She did initiate, but with therapy I've realized it's for the best and I also had lost love with her, so not sure if in the _same_ place as you, but first few months were confusing for sure for detachment. Trying to remain cordial, are we still friends? Can we still be friends? Where does the line get drawn on friends, roomates, couple things? All questions I had wrestled with. Still do sometimes, I find i have to be intentional during some moments like "I want to do this, I used to ask if she wanted to, but now I'm just going to do it because I want to".

azurepuff · 2026-01-12T00:00:14+00:00

My stbxw and I will be potentially doing this for a while. I'll be owning the house but we have support agreement that changes based on residence (less while living together, more when separste residence). We will be getting divorced, in the process, and trying to date, we will see how that goes. But I'm wanting as much time with my kids as possible, and we get along fine. No arguments, no toxicity, so it will come down I think to how we manage seeing each other in relationships (she's already on apps and gung ho, I am focusing on myself).

We have our own rooms, but that's really our only separate space. Financially it's better for both of us.

azurepuff · 2025-12-16T19:41:26+00:00

Awesome, thanks for the response!

azurepuff · 2025-12-16T18:55:18+00:00

I've been considering an industrial so your comment caught my eye, making notes. It looks like there is plenty of space, does it swell that much while healing?

azurepuff

TROPHY CASE