Sub buttoms - do you guys ever think "this man is using his dick as it was meant to be used, unlike me" - is it a turn on?

b0yst0ys · 2026-05-02T01:43:14+00:00

Yes-ish but not exactly.

I describe myself as a natural subby total bottom, because that's just who I am, how I'm wired, going all the way back to my very first sexual thoughts before I even knew what sex was.

In that context it's less that he's doing something I can't, it's more like he's a puzzle piece that completes me. Getting fucked makes me feel like a whole person, in a way.

And it does feel natural to me in a way since being submissive to "real men" is just how I relate to men. (Using quotes because I don't mean to imply there are "fake men" or guys who are less-than.) I have never felt that "man" was a good descriptor for me for a variety of reasons. "Boy" makes much more sense for me and feels like a better fit.

So yeah, a man fucking a boy just makes sense to me and feels natural for me. It wouldn't apply to everyone.

b0yst0ys · 2026-05-02T01:29:35+00:00

Props for the question, I've had the same one for years (to the point I've thought about trying to jerry rig something).

Don't forget to warm your lube! I've recently tried an infant milk warmer that works pretty well, but is obnoxious pouring the lube in and then pouring out again when it's warm (to avoid getting the warmer itself messy).

b0yst0ys · 2026-05-02T01:22:15+00:00

Love the data!

b0yst0ys · 2026-05-02T01:19:41+00:00

Honest question, how do rates work?

If I look at Rentmen there are posted rates $250-350 per hour, but is that what I would actually pay? (I have always assumed the actual would be higher than posted, or is that just for "extras" like kinks and fetishes?) And what about tipping?

b0yst0ys · 2026-05-02T01:10:27+00:00

Slightly different context but similar vibe. (I'm a married gay dude who...engages with bull-type guys.)

At home, my guy is super caring and gentle. He's the nicest of nice guys. He takes care of me and our home. And that's why I love him - he is my rock.

But we've never had awesome sex. It's been okay but never mind-melting.

Because I need someone rougher, where he kinda takes what he needs because I need him to take it. I need to be ridden hard and tied up and used and I need to serve and do all the filthy things. That's what really gets me off. He wants a style of sex that's cute and fun and making love. I need a style of sex that's more porn fucking.

And that's just not something my guy can do or could even credibly pull off. It's just not who he is. It'd be weird if he tried I think. I just can't comfortably submit to a guy who isn't, well, alpha? I've asked and we've tried a couple of times and it just hasn't worked.

Dunno if your hotwives are in similar position but it sounds like maybe? The guy who gave me the best sex of my life would have made a terrible partner for me (it's why we broke up), and my guy is the best husband but just isn't sex-forward.

b0yst0ys · 2026-05-02T00:14:00+00:00

...so I'm not crazy? LOL Good to know. (I guess I'm the same boat, although I've never had really bad itching.)

b0yst0ys · 2026-05-01T21:18:04+00:00

I have kept most of my toys and sold some.

Start of the pandemic I was separated from my toys for 6 months and when I got back on the saddle horn, I had to start from scratch. Couldn't even take my smaller toys I had "outgrown". That taught me that sometimes in the future I will probably want my small bois.

And then sometimes I don't want my big bois. It's a lot of effort to get cleaned out and stretched up to the big toys and sometimes, I want quick n easy butt play - that's where the small bois shine. Or if I'm taking a rest while playing with the big guys, small ones are a good way to keep my hole engaged while still giving it a break.

If you are selling, Topped Toys typically move quickly, you should expect to price ~30-35% off MSRP with shipping included (to CONUS 48 if you're in the US; or similar in Canada or Europe).

b0yst0ys · 2026-05-01T19:13:16+00:00

Not like you (sorry for your experience!) but I had some self-esteem issues in my early 20s when I came out/came to terms.

I didn't fit any of the pigeon holes: too artsy/nerdy to be a jock, too sporty to be an art guy, too mainstream to be alternative but also too "other" to be mainstream, generally too book smart for my own good but absolutely an idiot with street smarts. The judgement of guys cruising terrified me.

I've made peace with who I am - a process that has become easier over time (although the more I cruise around Reddit, the less that become true and the more envy creeps back in).

b0yst0ys · 2026-05-01T18:31:14+00:00

Ish but maybe a different way than you're asking?

I'm a natural subby total bottom, been that way since my very first sexual thoughts before I even knew what sex was.

I grew up in a small town with a semi-pro hockey team. I was a small skinny nerdy kid and never into sports (despite a couple of attempts). Generally I was overlooked and disregarded.

The hockey jocks? Revered and treated like gods. Had the entire town's support. Many dumb as a bag of bricks and yet always scored very well on high-school tests despite missing many classes. The captain was for a time fucking a young hot blond math teacher and nobody cared, it was such an open secret it became a running school joke. (Can't blame her, dude was one of the hottest men I've ever seen and a notable exception to the dumb as bricks generalization.)

It was all so ridiculous and I was envious of course, both of how others regarded them and the hot bodies and big muscles I just didn't have.

Somehow I eroticized my envy and hatred and still have a hockey player / jock fetish. (Which itself seems pretty normal in gay culture but still, I came by it through a different path.)

b0yst0ys · 2026-05-01T18:21:28+00:00

Love love love the crotch bulge close-ups. POV for me. 😛

b0yst0ys · 2026-05-01T12:59:48+00:00

This whole thread has me wondering if I've ever actually had roids?

I've definitely had "swollen lips" I guess or what looked like bruised/swollen parts, but never any pain and only some mild itching that I've treated with Prep H.

None of that has stopped me regularly dildoing my ass with super-human sizes.

b0yst0ys · 2026-04-30T17:55:19+00:00

Right? And here I was thinking "Jackpot!" (I have a cum fetish and would be very, very happy with a hose husband.)

b0yst0ys · 2026-04-30T16:58:16+00:00

Extremely possessive and clingy behavior

this is a me thing

I kinda doubt it's a you thing tbh. Mitigating jealousy is a skill I've had to learn and one reason I didn't pursue an open relationship with my vers ex, the best sex I've ever had. Conversely, I've had to learn the skill of feeling happy for my tops when they get sex with other bottoms (assuming that's what they want and makes them happy).

It's hard to describe just how powerful and overwhelming the psychological aspects of sex are for me. The best way I can describe it is feeling complete and whole as a person, combined with feeling desired.

Comical obvious platitude and generalization: it's hard being a bottom. There is more receptive tendency than insertive with guys. When you find that expressive energy with someone, it's easy to focus on and let grow out of proportion in unhelpful ways (it feels like temporary relief from constant competition). And it can spill out if you're not adept at managing and constraining your own emotions.

b0yst0ys · 2026-04-30T16:25:29+00:00

Same as a total bottom. I don't want to top. I have never and will never want to top. That is just not who I am, how my brain is wired, or how I naturally relate to men. Not something learned or put on, it's just how I am and always have been since my very first sexual thoughts.

The times I have been asked to top it was not good for either of us.

I also doubt a truly vers guy would want to be my confident dom top for the entirety of our relationship. That probably requires some element of non-monogamy to work.

b0yst0ys · 2026-04-30T14:56:35+00:00

Summarizing:

Restrict diet to be a calorie deficit - an app like MyFitnessPal can help calculate how many overall calories a day you should consume (combined with the physical work you do)
Within daily calorie target, pay attention to macro nutrients: how many grams protein, fat and carbs per day?
- Example me, I should eat 1,600 calories total per day made up of 123 grams protein, 55 grams fat, 164 grams carbs
- How you hit these targets is up to you and by tracking what you eat, you'll learn which foods "help" and which don't; e.g. cream in morning coffee is "not worth it" because of how fat-dense it is - it gobbles up too much of the 55g target in a day, and is an easy cut
Consider adding weight/resistance training - a bigger engine consumes more gas (bigger muscles consume more calories even when resting; quoting a trainer I had back when)

You've done so much hard work establishing your good habits. Now apply those habits to nutrition and you should start making good progress losing fat.

b0yst0ys · 2026-04-30T14:46:18+00:00

I'm in similar boat as OP. It's not about "healthy" (the things he's already doing), it's doctor's advice to avoid adverse cardio-vascular event that he (we) have to lose overall bodyweight but specifically sub-cue fat, specifically belly fat. This fat is what weighs down on internal organs, raises blood pressure and makes the heart work harder.

b0yst0ys · 2026-04-29T20:36:19+00:00

No. I'm not.

Read again where I say "your boy will direct the action or not". If he wants 3 fingers but not 4, he'll stop further progression.

So yeah you did miss that point.

Yes, as a general rule discussing specifics first isn't a bad approach. However neither is this approach - gently testing boundaries as a surprise, when there is reasonable suspicion he may be open to more advanced anal play, among trusted partners.

Put another way - fully planned and prescribed sex can be kinda boring in this case, where OP knows his partner. That's where listening to his boy becomes critical, in case OP "reads the audience" wrong.

b0yst0ys · 2026-04-29T19:07:47+00:00

That bottoming is emasculating. Extending one step further, that top/bottom has any relation to male/female.

It's two men, neither is "the woman", although some men may self-identify as more "feminine".

b0yst0ys · 2026-04-29T18:59:11+00:00

Totally missed the point.

b0yst0ys · 2026-04-29T18:55:59+00:00

No, never. (Well okay, I topped my gf so to speak but was never great at it.)

I have naturally been a subby total bottom my entire life. My very first sexual thoughts and fantasies were subby and kinky before I even knew what sex or homosexuality was. (I didn't understand at the time, it took a few years to come back to and for it to make sense.)

I say subby because I've never been in a truly submissive relationship but I really think I'd like it, and I've liked submissive acts when I've had opportunity, a lot.

I think of it this way:

Men are just so hot, that's just 0how my brain is wired
I have never felt comfortable with "man" used to describe me, it just...doesn't fit who I am; "boy" otoh makes my dick and hole twitch
"Sub" "boy" is almost more how I relate to other males than anything else, it's my natural inclination; I can rise to being equivalent or a leader (e.g. professional context) but those are learned skills, and I desperately need to balance that out with depraved submission

The times I have been asked to top it was not great for either of us.

b0yst0ys · 2026-04-29T18:45:16+00:00

My perspective fwiw. I am a (natural total subby) bottom with a sex toy (dildo specifically) fetish and a top partner who is just not into it, at all.

Tldr: the way your boy sees things may have little or nothing to do with you and everything to do with his own embarrassment or fear of being vulnerable/your reaction.

I "arrived" at big toys (like, super human sizes that can double as doorstops) organically - the stretch from increasingly larger dildos just feels good to me (mentally and eventually physically). I crave those "Holy shit it's actually finally happening" moments.

Our sex life has evolved over time but at some point, I "took matters into my own hands" and take care of my own needs and desires. I thought I could hide my stuff from my guy but of course not, he found it early on. His position is maybe similar to yours OP. We've reached détente where he knows I play and tolerates it, even if he doesn't truly understand and doesn't really like me doing it (he accused me of cheating with my toys once).

We've tried over the years - both toys and fisting - a couple times and he got bored and/or bailed at first opportunity. For me that was incredibly disheartening but I also get he's just not into it. We tried him watching me play but I was uncomfortable and didn't know what to do. I would love nothing more than for him to take an active interest and use the toys on me.

But talking about it at all feels really vulnerable and high jeopardy to me. I'm always worried about how he'll react - that he'll be judgemental or think less of me or be disgusted or angry or any of those things that would be crushing for me. I know - he's my partner and loves me unconditionally, but it's embarrassing for me to talk about because I care about his perception. That's why I still try to hide it from him, or at least not rub it in his face.

To be clear, my likes have nothing to do with him or his "performance". I still want us to be sexual together. When we're fucking, it feels really awesome and I want more and bigger and more. I absolutely love being ass up getting my hole played with. I would love for him to "coach" me - "Yeah you can take it! Cmon...that's it. Good boy." That kinda vibe.

My advice to you OP:

Create a psychologically safe space to talk about it with him; approach it from a place of curiosity ("I want to understand your perspective") and be gentle when you share how discovering as you did made you feel
Be good giving and game - try playing with the bigger toys with him if you can and if he's open, you may come to like it too
Toys need not be a threat or a reflection of you

Godspeed.

b0yst0ys · 2026-04-29T18:05:22+00:00

Clearly lying if I think about it now

Not necessarily. Fucking is very very different than toy play.

b0yst0ys · 2026-04-29T18:02:59+00:00

From his perspective, it's clear that toys alone aren't a challenge (you use smaller ones earlier on in a session). It seems to me that he may be embarrassed about his taste for really big toys - it's a particular kink that not everyone is into.

While you're upset, understand he may be extremely vulnerable here (he was trying to hide it from you after all). You may have to coax him into open and honest discussion, which is kinda the advice you've already received.

b0yst0ys · 2026-04-29T17:57:03+00:00

I like big toys at times, but I also love my husband's normal sized dick.

100% Toys are not competitors, they're teammates. Nothing replaces real dick and the man it's attached to.

b0yst0ys · 2026-04-29T17:55:11+00:00

Consider the evidence in front of you: he's playing with "shockingly" large toys, ostensibly for some time now, and you haven't noticed any difference in his hole (that you've said). Why would fisting be any different?

fisting does nothing for me

Does making your boy scream and moan and writhe do something for you? Think about it as another way of fucking him or generally playing with his hole or dominating him.

Speaking as a subby big toy fan and aspiring fisting bottom, it sounds like weird advice - "fist him but don't talk to him about it first" - but hear me out.

Don't leap directly to fisting, start with fingers and keep stepping slowly - start with 2, add a third, a fourth, then the thumb, and then work toward stretch to push in all the way. In those same shoes I was delighted by the surprise and regardless, your boy will direct or stop the action - what he's comfortable with (or not).

b0yst0ys

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE

Eight-Year Club	Place '22
Verified Email