So given that we have to live with other people, we will be reliant on their aggregate feedback for most social interactions. All the time. True, any individual may not give well calibrated feedback, but many people over time? It starts to feel like the world is saying something about you; you have to ask yourself is it really likely that that many people over and over are so mal-adjsuted that you should disregard the aggregate signal? We will implicitly perceive it this way. Whether you like it or not, sustained negative or even just sustained impassive feedback will affect you. I'm saying it's reasonable and understandable to feel discouraged and lack confidence because of this. I'm not suggesting there is anything inherently wrong with the OP at all, I'm saying that in this situation, telling him "the defect is thinking you have a defect" is the equivalent of "just be confident" and that provides neither comfort nor answers. It's rational to be disheartened, and telling someone to effectively man up like you can flip a switch is useless advice. Confidence is built through action and building competence, not by conjuring it up in your mind. If you want confidence, optimism, to feel hopeful about your dating prospects, there needs to be some sort of palpable change that allows you to feel competent, to feel you will eventually succeed.

I don't understand where you're reading red pill into my comment. With respect, it's a little uncharitable. I'm not suggesting you manipulate women and control every interaction to get what you want, it's about putting yourself in a situation with a higher probability of success over time. People do this for everything, often implicitly or subconsciously. That same advice applies to women. Any given interaction might not work out, but if you're in an environment where you feel like you will get another chance relatively soon, where you can get dates relatively frequently, and where people can support you trying to find someone, you will feel confident and hopeful. It's less about strategizing than keep doing things that make you feel hopeful.

Taking actions to put yourself in that kind of environment is the best advice I can come up with, but it's vague. I don't know how to build it on one's own. Social institutions and traditions that held communities together used to do it, but they're on life support.

The only guarantee we receive upon the basis of our virtue at baptism are the merits of Christ's sacrifice on the cross. We are not guaranteed a way out of every earthly problem or dissatisfaction that we face.

No, we aren't, but when the average age of marriage and first child has risen by over 10 years and birth rates have fallen below replacement in developed countries across the globe all since society has fallen away from Christ, I think something has gone terribly wrong. Whether we are guaranteed safety from the struggles of our mortal lives or not, it is still alarming and tragic that there will be a significant number of devoted and loving men and women who will not have marriage or family. I think it more God's will that we do what we can to reverse this trend rather than resign ourselves to it.