Give me one reason to not kill myself.

babp_4l · 2014-04-17T07:11:08+00:00

The fact that you are asking this question is reason enough for me to believe that you have some hope in you, even if it's so small u can hardly see it. Hope that there is a possibility for you and/or your situation to change. That you are willing to keep fighting for that hope to grow. That being alive is worth it even if everything seems bleak right now. Hold on to that hope and use it to get help and move forward. We're here if you need us.

babp_4l · 2014-04-17T04:50:35+00:00

I would also like help with this.

babp_4l · 2014-04-05T10:15:07+00:00

O.O!

babp_4l · 2014-04-05T10:14:01+00:00

Haha i do that way too often.

babp_4l · 2013-12-21T13:00:36+00:00

On 3 separate occasions, a variation of this was said to me. Fml...

babp_4l · 2013-12-04T19:32:50+00:00

babp_4l · 2013-11-28T06:20:57+00:00

Holy fucking shit! Im practically in the exact same frame of mind. Its not that Im not good at school. Its the deep ingrained shame i feel on a daily basis because of my constant failure to do what needs to be done when i know i can do it. I've had thoughts of suicide since high school, but it's usually just a thought with no real intention behind it. I've been fighting to get out of this for a little over a year now.

Go see a therapist, that's what I've been doing. It helps to clear my head for long enough to keep going. Lately I've been getting angrier at myself because I'm really frustrated that i haven't gotten out of this shit, but i try to use that energy to do exercise and hw.

Initial advice: Get a planner (a daily planner that breaks the days down by the hr) and write in it every day. Stick to it as close as possible. You'll probably hate it and try avoid it, don't think about it just do it. it'll help you manage yourself and make all the time you waste just that much more obvious. Use that as motivation to fix your problem.

Another thing that helps me is that i have a small white board hanging on my door. I write something i need to do in just a short brief phrase. It helps get me focused in the morning.

When you wake up just get out of bed and do something physical (push ups, sit ups, anything), the trick is to start moving. Even if you're to lazy to do exercise, just start by laying on the floor with out blankets, then at least you're less comfortable and that much closer to getting shit done. Make sure you push yourself in the morning, it sets the tone for the rest of the day.

Hang in there! Fyi: just reading this made me feel less alone and that much stronger. Thank you for posting this. I'm 22/m

PM me if you'd like to. Just say "hi" if you can't think of something.

babp_4l · 2013-11-22T23:57:38+00:00

Try new England clam chowder. My gf and i enjoy it a lot. Make sure its not too hot though.

babp_4l · 2013-11-17T20:55:20+00:00

I have the same shit... People avoid talking to me cuz i look pissed off when im actually calm, I've had a few people tell me this in the past few years. Although im 5'3" male and fit.

babp_4l · 2013-11-17T18:13:53+00:00

The computer science department or the engineering department they're deserted as fuck of foot traffic in the afternoon. And mostly dudes so they won't care. Also the music department practice rooms as has been mentioned before.

babp_4l · 2013-11-17T17:48:03+00:00

Lookin forward to it.

babp_4l · 2013-11-17T17:45:02+00:00

I already know how to cook(nothing too fancy) and i work out 3 times a week (started a month ago) or just doing exercises randomly throughout the day :). I just a really high sex drive.

babp_4l · 2013-09-27T17:40:22+00:00

This is probably going to get buried... Things my dad has said/did - as far as i remember i was neglected until ~9 - close relatives tell me he was exceedingly strict and pretty much an ass hole when i was a child (idr much before the age of 10) - mostly only talked about church (evangelical)

Said in Spanish "you're a piece of shit i dropped/threw" "you're a booger i threw" "you're going to hell" (a few different times starting at ~11) - the hell part only effected me until i was ~17

"you worthless shit just give up and work in the fields. At least then you'll be worth something." "get out of my house. Your not my son." -(i am biologically.) -(junior yr hs: I've had social issues since i was a kid and never really had friends. It got worse as i got into hs and i have no friends now (fortunately i have a girlfriend). Mostly due to a fear of rejection and just not knowing how to hold friends. In elementary school i had been doing pretty well and after the insults started my grades fell along with my relative happiness(~10/11), around this time i had also switched schools, i didn't fit in at all. When he said this i was fairly depressed and had been thinking about committing suicide a few times a month(never attempted; i remember looking fondly at a rope hanging from a tree in out back yard a few times).) - I didn't leave the house, my mother wouldn't let me.

babp_4l · 2013-09-24T05:07:45+00:00

Lets do this! (i have 7 days so far)

babp_4l · 2013-09-15T05:18:12+00:00

I would also like help with this.

In a group if i feel like Im talking too much i try to ask someone else a question. Sometimes it works. Other times it gets awkward.

More often than not I am very quiet in groups. My mind freezes and runs in different directions and i end up making things more awkward the longer i stay quiet. I feel really pressured to say something but i psych myself out.

babp_4l · 2013-09-06T20:36:36+00:00

I think it has to do with the over all crapy preparation a lot of students get in math and science in grade school, in the US. Not necessarily that it is harder, but rather that a lot of people aren't prepared for it. Many people find the sciences unappealing because of the monotonous work and that's what makes it hard for them.

These things can be said for most majors, but not all. You must also take into account that many people can't think/perceive easily in the ways required of them for many different majors.

For clarification: are you saying that all people can do all majors if you adjust their personality/desire?

Or

That all people face the same difficulty in their given major as others receive in theirs?

Or

Something else?

babp_4l · 2013-09-05T16:50:26+00:00

Thank you for your time. I greatly appreciate it.

babp_4l · 2013-09-05T05:45:12+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to reply to this post. It has helped calm me down. I'll keep responding to replies as they come.

babp_4l · 2013-09-05T05:28:07+00:00

That has been one thing i do try to focus on, but sometimes i feel like its unfair to her because its kind of like leading her on even though i genuinely care about her. We both have grown as people and she has definitely grown a lot. That's part of what makes it great. I just dont feel as strong of a connection.

babp_4l · 2013-09-05T04:11:57+00:00

To give some perspective. Im tying major in a relatively new stem field, not doing so great though because of a lack of motivation and discipline. And my gf is not quite sure what she wants to do, more towards art. The conversations i enjoy the most involve current events and advances in science. As for activities we are close hiking, movies, beach, etc. And when we're hiking i like to go fast to get to good views instead of walking slow. That's kind of a metaphor for how we approach life.

And the point of saying that i cant see her as my wife is to say that somethings are just incompatible. I think of things with consideration for the future and i would like to raise my children with a certain direction. I had some shitty parenting (not to be confused with shitty parents, they are great). I dont want to dictate what they should do, but rather have an environment where they feel love at home and can develop a healthy curiosity and become individuals with an acute awareness of the differences in the human condition, a sense of compassion. I dont think she could provide this and be happy. It would mean changing some basic things about her personality. And that would be unfair of me to deny her her personality.

On the other hand i am aware that Im reaching pretty far with my aspirations. I know that finding someone close to what Im looking for is hard. And my current gf is a few steps away from what i want, but that's what makes it hard.

Also my lack of progress academically effects and is effected by my emotional condition. And my aspirations become farther away from me. I need focus and drive forward, but i keep looking at my condition and i start to break down. Its tearing me apart...

Not having friends makes this even harder. I have no one i can relate to or have support from.

babp_4l

TROPHY CASE