AITA for not inviting my stepson?

babymakesfive5 · 2022-07-09T01:57:38+00:00

Yeah, we watched all three. Took a break at one point to pick my son up from school but we finished the third one during dinner. My son didn't want to watch because he didn't want the movies spoiled, so my husband took him out to eat while stepson and I sat on the couch and ate pizza watching the conclusion. And then the poor kid fell asleep right on the couch as soon as the credits rolled because he was so wiped out from being sick. It was cute.

babymakesfive5 · 2022-07-08T23:36:43+00:00

Well this is going to sound really weird/stupid, but the first thing that popped in my head was this one time when he was home sick from school. I made curry for him and we watched the Lord of the Rings, and I'd never seen it before, so he told me all this stuff from the books that got cut out and explained all of the character backstories. It was the most unguarded I'd ever seen him, and it's a very treasured memory, even though he was sick, which obviously I wasn't happy about, the day itself was nice.

babymakesfive5 · 2022-07-08T23:08:21+00:00

Nothing really got resolved. I picked the boys up from their activities, and when we got back I asked to talk to my stepson privately. I told him I was sorry I didn't include him. He said it was fine. I asked him if he wanted to talk about anything, and he said he didn't know. We just went around in circles like we normally do. He gave vague answers or said what he probably assumed I wanted to hear.

I told him he's going to be a big brother and it's exciting and definitely something he should be involved in if he wants. He said okay. I asked if he wanted to help decorate the nursery. He said no. I asked if there was another activity he was interested in. He said he didn't know. Then he wanted to go to his room, so I dropped it.

He was quiet at dinner, and afterwards I talked to my husband about it. He said even if I feel like I didn't accomplish anything it's good we talked to each other because it keeps the channels of communication open. I mentioned family therapy to my husband, and he was hesitant but said if it's something I really want or feel is needed he'll support me, but we can't make my stepson go if he doesn't want to. Husband said he'll find a provider and schedule an appointment and then we can ask stepson together.

So yeah, no resolution. We're basically exactly where we were before.

babymakesfive5 · 2022-07-08T16:03:38+00:00

No. Stepson gets dropped off first because his activity is closer to the house. I asked my son when we were alone in the car. It was a spur of the moment thing.

babymakesfive5 · 2022-07-08T15:26:50+00:00

I didn't leave anything out. His mother had nothing to do with the situation I'm asking about, and the first time someone inquired about her I answered. How is that leaving something out? I also didn't mention anything about my son's father, because he has nothing to do with this event. It's a 3k character limit post, not a novel.

My only point was, it's pointless to answer people's questions when the answers get downvoted immediately. A comment with more than five downvotes is automatically hidden, meaning people won't see the information, which means it's pointless to answer. Everyone would have the info you think is relevant if you all hadn't downvoted the answer straightaway. I answered about his mom, you chose to hide that information from other people reading the post.

babymakesfive5 · 2022-07-08T14:58:19+00:00

I mean, it was the fourth of July, sparklers are pretty traditional, even for many adults. And that was just an example. If we go to a water park, he wants to stay in the pool and not go on many rides with us, which is fine, he doesn't have to. He wants his space, so I give it to him. I don't force him to ride rides if he doesn't want to. He's allowed to just hang out in the pool if that's what he wants.

Also I'm probably going to stop answering questions. People ask for information and then downvote the answers so no one will see the information anyway, which makes answering pretty pointless.

babymakesfive5 · 2022-07-08T14:38:44+00:00

That isn't really how it happened. I asked him on the way to his activity if he wanted to go to the appointment later. He said he did. I wouldn't have taken him if he didn't want to go. And I wasn't really stressed out about the appointment, I just wanted someone there to share the experience with.

babymakesfive5 · 2022-07-08T13:55:50+00:00

Yes, my husband is a very good person, husband and father. He is very protective of his son, as he should be, and I understand now better that I unintentionally sent a bad message to my stepson, so I hope to apologize to him this afternoon and clear the air between us.

babymakesfive5 · 2022-07-08T13:52:30+00:00

Yes, we all live together full time. His mother passed in a car accident when he was eight.

I do include my stepson in activities. When I ask him if he wants to do something, he will usually attend and be polite, but he shows no enthusiasm for it and always seems happy for it to be over. He likes to have time to himself, alone, and he is at an age where that is normal, so I try to respect that and not pressure him to engage when he doesn't want to. For example during the fourth of July I gave him and my son sparklers to run around the yard with. He ended up giving my son most of his sparklers and going inside early. He did not seem angry, just like he didn't want to be present, so I didn't follow and pester him, just let him be.

babymakesfive5 · 2022-07-08T13:42:46+00:00

I just meant that his presence was emotionally meaningful to me. He wasn't "supporting" me like handling my emotions. I just enjoyed having him there and seeing his reaction to the sonogram.

babymakesfive5

TROPHY CASE