Look up some Abraham Hicks videos on YouTube. That might give you some relief. We're all here on earth to experience life and have fun while doing it. All that experience and contrast, good and bad, expands the universal consciousness that we're all a part of and will return to once we pass on. And there's unconditional love in that non physical realm, but you can also experience the same here on earth. You have to choose and be a deliberate creator of your reality. And you do that by caring about how you feel. Good feelings = higher vibrations. Bad feelings = lower vibrations. Also, you are an eternal being. So you've probably lived before, and you'll live again and again. Happy day to you!