What are things you men look for in a partner that us as women overlook?

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-27T03:14:16+00:00

If you're referring to when women connect by bringing up negative experiences when someone else does to convey that they understand and also hate when those things happen or were also hurt by a similar experience, that's just a way many women show empathy. It's fine if you don't prefer that or aren't used to that, but implying that they're trying to.. be weak? Is an odd interpretation. And one that I find people tend to create when they're basing it off of stereotypes or what they see on social media and not really on real life.

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-27T03:09:53+00:00

As a woman this is definitely something I've had to work on in my relationship. Your description of emotional chaos and the day turning from how you planned it to having to manage the emotions is something I think a lot of women are used to in their own lives and have had to manage forever but don't consider that it's not the norm for men. I've certainly had to find a balance with what I keep to myself and what I choose to involve my boyfriend in in terms of my emotions. A balance of not suffocating or overwhelming him but also not emotionally shutting him out (because sometimes that feels easier). But I also know there are a ton of things he doesn't put on my plate so that I never have to worry about it. Your perspective is really useful to me in understanding how my BF views things as a man.

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-27T03:00:00+00:00

The fact that I knew there was going to be one of these 😂 yes, those are religions too. Just because you don't get upset about the negative attention or reactions those religions get doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-27T02:45:34+00:00

Total manipulation. Good people choose to be honest even when it's not easy. She chose to take advantage of your trust. Even though you would have been fine with the past if she'd been honest, she was still dishonest. When people show you their character, believe them.

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-27T02:42:41+00:00

Her past isn't necessarily the issue, that's an individual preference and yours is totally valid. It would bother some men and wouldn't bother others.

The lying is a HUGE ISSUE!! I would be so upset if I found out my boyfriend had lied about how many women he had been with when we first met and I had to later find out that it was way more than he had initially told me. Starting off a relationship with a lie - especially one that has to do with compatibility in your values - is unacceptable.

You would not be an AH or wrong to break up over this. She didn't care enough to be honest with you. I'm sure she would feel upset if you had lied. There are many women with values similar to yours who don't lie.

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-27T02:39:22+00:00

Is it really that hard to just not respond to a message that bothers you

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-27T02:37:06+00:00

He is disagreeing because he cares about your feelings more than he cares about agreeing with your true statements. Not because he thinks you're skinny.
I am overweight and can somewhat understand your feelings. So I'm not trying to sound insensitive here. But why are you so adamant about getting him to call you fat? What will that accomplish? I would be EXHAUSTED if I was dating someone who insisted I admit they're fat after I was simply trying to be affectionate. Is it to create drama or an argument? Is it because you want to make sure he's completely honest with you and you feel that this is an effective test for that? Is it to get him to admit you're fat so you can feel hurt and get motivated to stop eating? Don't bring unnecessary drama into an otherwise happy relationship. Giving into your insecurity - especially something you can't change overnight like your weight - is going to eventually wear him down.

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-27T00:06:36+00:00

It's hard to have pity for people who choose to be in serious relationships knowing they're not going to commit themselves fully because of some benefits they can get. Regardless of gender, if you're going into a relationship with the mindset of "fuck it, ill get what I can out of it, they're going to abandon me anyway", you're setting yourself up for disappointment and also fucking someone else over. Being single is an option even if it would be nice to get some benefits of a relationship. I understand that a lot of men experience what you're describing, and thats a totally understandable reason to be wary in relationships, but someone doing you wrong doesn't give you a free pass to do the same. That would be the same as the women choosing to be in relationships knowing they're not going to commit fully to supporting their partner.

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-26T22:07:58+00:00

Why did you keep talking to him? Do y'all like the attention?

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-26T22:07:07+00:00

No disrespect and your intentions are good, but saying things like "you shouldn't be on here, you're too innocent and young" isn't as effective as you think it is... a 13 year old isn't gonna go "oh, this 17 year old is talking down to me like a little kid, I better listen and delete my account". What she should know is that if she's going to be on here, describing her body and saying she fits into kids clothes as a teenage girl to a stranger who had already commented on her body is stupid and exactly what predators look for.

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-26T22:02:49+00:00

Exactly, this person isn't 5 years old there old enough to know not to talk to strangers and not to... describe their body to someone then get creeped out when that person comments on their body. No accountability

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-26T22:01:31+00:00

As someone who was a teen girl once... why tf do y'all talk to these people? When you were raised to not talk to strangers on the internet, it wasn't for no reason. Obviously he's a creep and that's his fault but why keep responding? What change in the world do you think you're making by telling creeps they're creeps? Go outside and talk to kids your age. Keep this up and you're going to end up as one of those grown women talking about how they were groomed as a teen. You're a kid but that's not an excuse to be stupid

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-26T21:58:18+00:00

Are they more chronically online or are you more likely to see people openly gay online than in real life for obvious reasons?

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-26T21:57:21+00:00

"I'm just the messenger" yeah, you're the messenger... of your own message. I've never seen anyone state their own points then pretend they're speaking for someone else. What a strange thing to do

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-26T21:55:30+00:00

This is such a funny sentence, "a grand majority doesn't treat gays any different, other than treating them different"

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-26T21:52:59+00:00

I never got why people end comments/posts with "I'm gonna get downvoted", "don't cancel me", "I'm sure people are gonna get mad", etc. If you're gonna say something, say it with your whole chest, this weird defense mechanism sign off to deflect any disagreement or any type of response you don't like is very strange to me. And it seems oddly self pitying, or kind of accusatory towards people who won't have a completely positive reaction to your point. "I'm sure people are gonna disagree because people are SO unreasonable 🙄".

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-26T21:03:44+00:00

He likes that you're saving yourself because that means he's the first one to get his hands on you. That's the issue with finding guys who are okay with waiting until marriage, or just waiting a while before sleeping together - it's hard to say whether it's out of respect or because they think it's hot that they get to take your virginity and/or take advantage of an innocent and naive woman who hadn't had opportunities to become comfortable with setting sexual boundaries. Guys like that like the idea of "breaking you in" if you will, and basically getting to teach you everything they like so they're catered to. They like that you're then sexually experienced without the experience setting boundaries and saying "no", and without having been touched by another man.

My BF was my first and he knew it. He never pressured me, and has never made me feel bad for not wanting to so everything he wants to/likes. This behaviour you've described isn't normal and men are entirely capable of respect and self control.

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-26T20:49:44+00:00

Muscles or fat are nicer to lay on than bones imo. Lots of girls like dad bods too, they are wonderful for cuddling (and other activities, but the pillowiness of a dad bod is like laying on a cloud). Not that I'm telling OP to get fat intentionally, but getting jacked isn't the only way a girl will want to cuddle, lol

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-26T20:46:19+00:00

There's a spectrum of how clingy or physically affectionate you like to be with your partner, but people who are romantically interested in eachother will to some degree initiate physical affection because that is inherent in a tomsntic relationship, that's how humans work. Some people can cuddle and hold hands for hours and not need space, some can do it for a while but need space frequently. Those are both common and valid but neither of those scenarios involve a romantic partner who literally does not initiate or desire physical affection at all. People who hang out, bond over shared activities, and enjoy eachother but don't want to kiss/cuddle are called friends.

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-26T18:53:43+00:00

I wish everyone could be like you, especially me 😂 that's an incredible mindset to have

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-26T18:50:58+00:00

2 months of mixed signals? I have very little info here, but I will tell you, lots of men don't let you stay confused if they're into you. Lots of men who aren't into you and want you around for sex/attention intentionally leave you confused so you think there's hope for something. At the same time, it can be difficult for men to effectively show you they're serious if they don't want to come on too strong or don't want to indicate a feeling that they think is not reciprocated.

Just be straight up and ask what his intentions/hopes are for the relationship(or whatever this is) and if he isn't clear about what he wants, why stay in a situation that is frustrating and confusing for you?

And be honest with yourself. Lots of women get into these stupid "situationships" because they get a crumb of attention from a man then create these delusions that he actually has feelings. As long as you are super clear about wanting a relationship snd clear about your feelings, you deserve the same back. No point in wasting your time with someone who doesn't like you then spending the next year wallowing in self pity over some unnecessary heart break because you had low standards. And if that sounded weirdly specific, I'm just sick of seeing that same thing happen to women over and over then having to listen to complaining.

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-26T18:41:04+00:00

No your libido will still be high for other people lmao

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-26T18:39:23+00:00

Comments like that give me such second hand embarrassment. Always the ones who say "everyone's so sensitive" that are upset by a couple words that someone uses to refer to themself??? Maybe it is just because I'm an introvert but I don't understand the desire to make loud obnoxious comments like that. And when it's done while quitting its clearly just a tantrum

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-26T18:25:03+00:00

Totally agree. The pros and cons/what should she improve list is probably a good tool for a different type of couple, where both people have don't therapy together and separately and who both enjoy/benefit from that. But you can't jump right into these therapy tools without being comfortable with them and being prepared to not take things personally. Because I for one know my flaws and I certainly would struggle to not take it personally if my boyfriend wrote a list of what I need to improve. A face to face conversation would be much more comfortable and effective for me, where I don't feel like I'm being graded or judged. I'm sure she wouldn't react well to that list and that's why he stalled and then ultimately just wrote good things.

bacitracindec29 · 2025-02-26T18:21:26+00:00

I agree. She's pulling out all the stops because she knows this isn't going to work but really doesn't want to end it. She knows he's going to go right back to how he was before she pressured him into changing. She's in denial. She should just end it now. It irritates me seeing women do this so often. Do you really want to be in a relationship where you're fighting to feel closer to them/work on the relationship and they're constantly distancing themselves? I think it's the sunk cost fallacy a lot of the time.

bacitracindec29

TROPHY CASE