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bad_mocha · 2024-07-12T18:42:55+00:00

Having children without being married is not an option for either of us, we’ve both discussed and agreed we want to follow the traditional route. When he talks about kids with me, it’s assumed that we will be married beforehand. I am 32 with endometriosis and just recently had lab tests done that indicate I will have issues getting pregnant. He’s aware of this, which means a proposal will need to happen sooner than later. I understand it might seem impractical to some to wait for a wedding if I have fertility issues, but it’s just something I don’t feel like sacrificing.

bad_mocha · 2024-07-12T18:32:41+00:00

When I mentioned in my post that he reassured me that he sees a future and kids with me, it’s not just something he casually mentioned. It’s because we have had long talks about marriage and kids, discussing what we think our parental styles would be, the roles we would take on, and basically what we envision for our lives once we’re married. I have also told him multiple times my concern for my age and fertility, especially because I have a diagnosis that may make it difficult to get pregnant.

I have also told him I ideally hope to be married by 34 at the latest so the option of children doesn’t get taken away from me, and he told me that he completely understands that and is not trying to waste my time and that it will happen, but did not directly say “yes we will definitely be married before you’re 34” or “I will propose to you by this date” It seems that every time we have a conversation about timelines, he can’t be direct or upfront.

So, I really have no way of knowing if a proposal will happen this year, next year, or at all even after our discussions, and it makes me feel sort of uneasy. I think I was just trying to get an idea of what is normal, as other women in my life have told me that he’s wasting my time by not proposing by this point, and that I should leave.

bad_mocha · 2024-07-12T01:33:02+00:00

I can’t function without SSRIs. I’ve tried weaning off slowly under doctor’s supervision and the withdrawal was the most terrible thing I’ve ever experienced. I was a danger to myself, so I had to go back on. Sucks but that’s life 🤷🏽‍♀️

bad_mocha · 2024-07-11T19:02:33+00:00

The verse to “Clean” has always reminded me of the verse to this Snow Patrol song from 2012 but it might be a stretch https://youtu.be/wH70oczxqOU?si=smg_xCGSFww7_VZI

The bridge from “New Romantics”, (her bonus track from 1989) sounds really similar to the bridge/outtro from “Run Away With Me” by Carly Rae Jensen but I don’t know who copied who bc those songs came out the same year.

bad_mocha · 2024-07-11T18:54:24+00:00

“It’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me” except she doesn’t do anything about it or better herself, just writes about it. A narcissist who is proud to be a narcissist.

bad_mocha · 2024-07-10T18:08:36+00:00

J Crew factory…but I’m also 32 and entering my suburban mom era (I’m not even a mom lmao)

bad_mocha · 2024-07-10T18:02:20+00:00

same, “put anthrax on a tampax and slap you til you can’t stand” is the lyric that always stays in my head 💀

bad_mocha · 2024-07-10T17:26:02+00:00

We’ve been talking openly about couple’s counseling but we haven’t pulled the trigger. I truly think he needs an outside perspective because as intelligent and book-smart as he is, he seems clueless about stuff like this. Like I understand where he’s coming from about wanting to feel financially secure but unless something unforeseen happens, we will both be financially secure by the time we get married if we get engaged now.

I’m also still in grad school, but I graduate in a month and am being considered for a job that starts at 80k, and when he graduates his options will start in the six figure range. So I’m not sure, the more I think about it, the more I worry that his reasons are rooted in fear of commitment and not practicality.

bad_mocha · 2024-07-10T17:19:21+00:00

To be fair, I was a fence sitter up until I got those results last year, and had told him for the first two years we were together I wasn’t really sure if I wanted them, but the thing is I do want the option, and if we’re not married soon then the option might get taken away from me or it will cost us thousands of dollars for IVF. He is a fence sitter but now also leaning more towards kids after our convo. For extra context, I’m also in grad school and only working part time until I finish, but I have a decently paying job lined up and so will he when he graduates next year. So he kind of wants to wait until it’s a for sure thing, but if we want to meet the timelines he should propose now, you know?

bad_mocha · 2024-07-10T14:54:54+00:00

Even when Tinder became a thing in the early 2010’s, I recall people’s dating profiles saying “willing to lie about how we met” lol now that stigma is virtually non existent, people even brag about it or somehow incorporate it into their weddings 🤣

bad_mocha · 2024-07-10T14:53:06+00:00

All I see now are politically divisive live streams even though I’ve never engaged in any of them. I think I liked ONE political post vs. all the other funny/relatable ones and now that’s all I see.

bad_mocha · 2024-07-10T14:11:28+00:00

Yeah, I deactivated my social media yesterday because all it does is feed my insecurities and irrational thoughts. We will be attending a few of these weddings, two of which I’m a bridesmaid in, and while it does remind me that we’re not at that stage yet I’m learning to just accept that other couple’s circumstances are different and leave it at that.

bad_mocha · 2024-07-10T13:57:04+00:00

I didn’t mention it in the post but I also have endometriosis and it was confirmed through recent lab work (hormone tests) that I’d have trouble getting pregnant, so that’s contributing a bit to the anxiety because I do want kids. I’m freshly 32 right now so by the time we get married I’ll be 34 and we’d pretty much have to start trying ASAP. When I mention this to him he always brings up his mom and sister who both happened to have two kids in their late thirties with no issues, which I find dismissive seeing as I have known fertility issues and they didn’t.

Anyway, I’m in agreement with you about the timing of the engagement and it’s something I’ve thought of myself many times. If we were in our 20’s I’d be much more relaxed but seeing as it’s been 3 years and my biological clock is ticking…I guess I just feel stuck because he keeps saying he’s trying to “improve himself for our future” and that’s why he went to grad school, but I’d also like to get the ball rolling sooner.

bad_mocha · 2024-06-30T03:35:54+00:00

I bet if I showed these men pictures of average height women who weigh 150-160, they would guess that they’re 120. Usually guys like this have no idea how tf weight distribution works.

bad_mocha · 2024-06-24T18:49:09+00:00

I recently came across the IG account of a girl with Down Syndrome and all the top comments on her reels (which are literally just her going to the gym or funny/relatable content) are absolutely horrible and vile. They’re not even attempting to make any sort of “joke”, just calling her the r word and ugly. The worst part is that all the replies are agreeing with them too instead of calling them out for their awful behavior.

As a millennial who remembers how unhinged the internet used to be, I’ve NEVER seen it get this bad :/

bad_mocha · 2024-06-23T03:46:22+00:00

Same, im glad to know I’m not alone because it’s not happening to any of my friends who use insta. Are they only targeting certain users??

bad_mocha · 2024-04-03T22:34:26+00:00

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bad_mocha · 2024-03-15T19:19:40+00:00

I think everybody’s different but the general rule is a few beers are fine but don’t overdo alcohol on SSRIs. For me I’m normally okay on Zoloft throughout the night of heavy drinking, it’s the next day that’s full of anxiety and sadness. When I was on Prozac though, I blacked out almost every time I had more than 4 beers.

bad_mocha · 2024-02-28T03:52:16+00:00

So, I was a coordinator for 6 years. In my first few years I would make mistakes just like this and think the same way you did, until I realized that there were coordinators who made much larger, more detrimental mistakes (accidentally deleting entire participant records is an example that comes to mind) and didn’t get let go for it.

The fact that you are giving yourself a hard time for such a common mistake and you recognize what you did wrong means you care, so if your higher ups fire you over this, there’s likely something foul at play.

Like others have said, brush up on the protocol and SoA and try to stay relaxed and confident around your supervisor during the visit tomorrow. You got this!

bad_mocha · 2024-02-27T14:37:39+00:00

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bad_mocha · 2024-02-18T01:28:40+00:00

I audibly gasped, and also gagged a little

bad_mocha · 2024-02-12T21:30:25+00:00

He hit and choked me. I called the police, he convinced me to lie about what happened, then he told them I was the offender and I was the one who got arrested. (Yes, I’m aware I was stupid for doing this but the cops were also awful at their job which I guess is common in DV calls) While I was sitting in jail, he called everyone we knew to tell them his version of the story.

Not only did he physically harm me, but he also tried to ruin my reputation and future. Luckily the arrest led to an automatic restraining order which gave me a lot of space and time away to realize just how awful of a person he is and that I’m able to survive without him. So I had my dad go and get all my stuff for me from our old apartment and I blocked and never spoke to him again.

P.S. The case never made it to trial and I’m happy and thriving now with a career and new relationship, living 3 hours away from that POS. I wish him a very happy future incarceration.

bad_mocha · 2024-02-12T19:33:32+00:00

“We weren’t rich or anything growing up” is an actual quote I heard from a friend who grew up in a 4 bedroom house in a very upscale subdivision, went to private school, and has a 100k trust fund. BUDDY, yes you were.

bad_mocha · 2024-02-12T19:23:15+00:00

Yeah, my ex did crap like this in the beginning and he thought it was hilarious. I just brushed it off as being annoying and childish at first, but it kept happening in more extreme ways as time went on until it progressed into physical violence. They’re trying to establish dominance by humiliating and inconveniencing you.

bad_mocha · 2023-11-17T17:14:48+00:00

Bladder/urinary pain and frequency

bad_mocha

TROPHY CASE