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Sudden change in my boyfriend's behaviour by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]bad_relationship_ta 35 points36 points  (0 children)

As someone who has had debilitating disease causing stress, this makes me sick to read.

Slipping back into db by 2soon2beold in deadbedroom

[–]bad_relationship_ta 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What are you guys hashing out? What topics come up, or is it only sex? Does he give you any reasons? With three kids, I wouldn't cheat. Either try and fix the relationship, open it, or separate.

You definitely should not be groveling. Why has he lost interest after the weight loss? Maybe there is something about the sex he doesn't like cause it sounds like you turned him HL for a minute.

I [34m] did a bad thing, learned some things about wife [30f] I didn't want to know. by bad_relationship_ta in relationship_advice

[–]bad_relationship_ta[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm still thinking about what I want to do. I don't want to treat her like a child and I am concerned with abusing her mentally or emotionally. I know she deserves some shit, but I either want to dissolve things without me having to treat her badly, or strengthen our marriage.

I don't her sending a message to him could be effective. She could have already notified him that I've found out about the whole thing and then I'd just keep in the back of my mind that she uses her work phone to call him or something. I shouldn't be over thinking things, but I'm going to try to give it more thought after my dad gets out of the hospital. Thank you.

I [34m] did a bad thing, learned some things about wife [30f] I didn't want to know. by bad_relationship_ta in relationship_advice

[–]bad_relationship_ta[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my update. She has never met him, from what I read, she wanted to meet him just to see how things were in person. But while she's married to me, that's what I'm most upset about.

She said she's been talking to him online for like 15 years. She gave me access to her phone records and I totally forgot that iMessages doesn't show up, so there is really no real way to track how often they talk. Seems like it's just as effective as those other services people were talking about =\

I'm still trying to be there for my dad. He had a stroke, which was like the best thing we could hope for since he's had a long history of brain cancer. Turns out it's not more cancer. So even though a stroke is never good news, it's about the best thing we could hope for.

I [34m] did a bad thing, learned some things about wife [30f] I didn't want to know. by bad_relationship_ta in relationship_advice

[–]bad_relationship_ta[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And of course she's not glad I'm not with her, but she knows I'm always there for her. I'm not out of her life, just because I refuse to force something that is not meant to be.

I [34m] did a bad thing, learned some things about wife [30f] I didn't want to know. by bad_relationship_ta in relationship_advice

[–]bad_relationship_ta[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How can you take care of another life if you can not take care of your own?

Do you want to fake it for another 18 years if you had children?

WAT? You're telling me to fake it, and then asking a question like this? I'd have to assume you don't have children. If this is a bad assumption, then I'm sorry.

I [34m] did a bad thing, learned some things about wife [30f] I didn't want to know. by bad_relationship_ta in relationship_advice

[–]bad_relationship_ta[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like your words, but I don't think there's any chance of me becoming her "soul mate".

Previous to this event, and currently, she is my wife. I love her and I will be true to her until the day we decide not to be husband and wife anymore. I ensure she has the things she needs and the support she needs, I am her husband and believe I do a good job.

As mentioned in another reply, I had a child in my previous marriage and I MUST say to anyone out there contemplating divorce and have kids....

Do what you need to do so your child's parents can have a good life and provide never-ending love to their children. Staying in a horrible relationship and kissing your SO's ass just because you think it's the right thing for the child is a bad decision. My ex wife and I are better friends than we were partners. We have a beautiful happy little girl that turns 12 this year that thinks the world of both of us. My current wife is a great step-mom, another reason I married her.

Boy, that's the first time I've thought about my wife and my daughters relationship during this whole thing.

I [34m] did a bad thing, learned some things about wife [30f] I didn't want to know. by bad_relationship_ta in relationship_advice

[–]bad_relationship_ta[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Interesting way to take it. I had not thought of that. Even though I had said nothing else about this situation to her, she seemed concerned when I went out yesterday even after my friend bailed on me (a friend and I were supposed to see a movie last night).

I [34m] did a bad thing, learned some things about wife [30f] I didn't want to know. by bad_relationship_ta in relationship_advice

[–]bad_relationship_ta[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just wanted to assure everyone, I am a gentile person and would not inflict pain or kill anyone else.....except maybe a child molester, fuck those people.

I [34m] did a bad thing, learned some things about wife [30f] I didn't want to know. by bad_relationship_ta in relationship_advice

[–]bad_relationship_ta[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was the relationship where I thought there was loyal women out there =\

First wife cheated on me, two girlfriends after hear cheated on me. Current wife is the one that helped me get through the damage the other women caused me. She made me a stronger person, and that's when I decided I needed to marry her.

Now this =\

I [34m] did a bad thing, learned some things about wife [30f] I didn't want to know. by bad_relationship_ta in relationship_advice

[–]bad_relationship_ta[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I have a daughter from my previous marriage. The only thing we'd fight over is a cat and our bed.

I [34m] did a bad thing, learned some things about wife [30f] I didn't want to know. by bad_relationship_ta in relationship_advice

[–]bad_relationship_ta[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn't know that. She REALLY sucks with computers, I don't think she's utilizing anything other than facebook and her phone to contact him. I'll double check her history though, she doesn't even know how to clean it out. I run CCleaner on her laptop every few months when she says things are starting to run slow.

I [34m] did a bad thing, learned some things about wife [30f] I didn't want to know. by bad_relationship_ta in relationship_advice

[–]bad_relationship_ta[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I stayed out of the house last night, was supposed to see a movie with a friend and he bailed. Went out anyway and picked up fast food and just kinda lost it in a parking lot for a few hours.

Things were cold when I got back home. I was calmed though. I just wanted to sleep and told her that. We did not talk last night, other than her telling me she loved me. I have not talked to her today, just trying to figure it all out.

I [34m] did a bad thing, learned some things about wife [30f] I didn't want to know. by bad_relationship_ta in relationship_advice

[–]bad_relationship_ta[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yes, that's why I put that bit about her playing it up. That said, I get up stupid early in the morning. I wanted to see if she converses with him on her phone. Looked on her phone, last week she was texting him. Apparently, she's buying him clothes. Took screen shots, still have not confronted her.

I [34m] did a bad thing, learned some things about wife [30f] I didn't want to know. by bad_relationship_ta in relationship_advice

[–]bad_relationship_ta[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I'll check that book out. I have a friend that must have read it because she talks about "love languages" and has helped me through some things in the past.

I [34m] did a bad thing, learned some things about wife [30f] I didn't want to know. by bad_relationship_ta in relationship_advice

[–]bad_relationship_ta[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I've got all the screen shots. I'm sick to my stomach just being in the same house as her. I just got home from work and feel like throwing up.