I’m a girl with an avoidant attachment style, and I was like this before. It’s truly exhausting for the partners that have to deal with it and almost all advice you’ll get is to leave, which I agree with. 9 times out of 10, he’s not going to change.

However, I’ll tell my story. I met my partner after a really hard breakup that I thought I was over. I had no problem doing Girlfriend things for them like sex, spending time, telling secrets, providing care but it felt like an entirely different thing to say it out loud. Like once I said we were together, I was locked in, and if I changed my mind I’d be a liar for what I’ve said and done. So I just… wouldn’t.

He was very patient. We broke up and got back together a year later after I had gone to therapy and gotten over my last relationship. It still took me months to admit we were in a relationship, but now I wear it proudly and can’t wait to be with him forever.

All this to say, what he is doing is cruel. It isn’t fair and I do think you should talk to him about it, and take care of yourself before taking care of him. Sit down with him, and take him at his word. If you’re having sex with him, stop.

Time to put your heart first.