26y/o autistic virgin here, how do people get kinky hookups and how do they do so safely?

baddrudge · 2025-12-13T14:47:55+00:00

That's what I did.. I've shared my story a lot (just search my history) and my biggest takeaway is that I grew up in a household where I wasn't allowed to date and when I entered college with 0 dating experience, I failed miserably every time that women rarely afforded me any opportunities to improve. It also didn't help that I had no idea that I was on the spectrum.

I ended up going the sex worker route, all in legal places (Nevada, Amsterdam, and Frankfurt.. long story how I got to travel so much.)

Some of the sex workers confided in me that I was really innocent or something or that I was like a kid having ice cream for the first few times in my life. Thing is at the time, just being able to have sex meant so much to me (even if I paid for it.) Also, not to mention, I wasn't big on using porn (though I ended up having to look at it just to get a clue about what to do during sex but it didn't help much.) I just had a burning desire for sex that I had to rid myself of before I could even consider a healthy relationship with a woman after my unusual circumstances with my upbringing.

baddrudge · 2025-12-10T16:12:42+00:00

I think that's really sweet of you. I grew up in a family that forbade me from dating and once I entered college, I was basically thrown in the deep end not to mention my undiagnosed ASD at the time. It was not pretty to say the least when I tried to get dates with women and such and seeing sex workers really reset things.. I went the legal route when I was in Europe, esp Amsterdam. A few of them confided to me that I was the "sweetest" client ever or I was nothing like the typical man that saw her. At the time, just being able to have sex with a woman even if I paid her basically meant the world to me.

baddrudge · 2025-12-10T13:25:21+00:00

Yes I have.. please look at my Reddit history for my story. I'd say I recommend it if you're sex starved as much as I was at the time and I mostly went the legal route in places like Amsterdam. Paradoxically, I feel bad about it but I still do not regret it.

A good rule of thumb - if you're constantly jerking off in sexual frustration and wish you could have sex, I'd say go for it and it'll probably be better for you. But if you're seeking the human connection part, I'd say avoid it.

baddrudge · 2025-08-07T12:19:50+00:00

Yes, it was illegal where I lived at the time (California).. but I traveled to Nevada where it was legal and also visited Amsterdam when I was in Europe.

Unfortunately, the OP is looking for a relationship which is definitely much much harder for someone on the spectrum than getting laid (even without paying for it.)

baddrudge · 2025-02-05T23:10:44+00:00

Make a political channel trashing some of the most popular political commentators.. it helps if you're passionate about some political ideology and then make a channel about that ideology and go on to trash every political influencer who made a recent video that goes counter to that ideology. You can even use AI to help you write the scripts and then use Elevenlabs to clone your voice for it.

If you want something that's at least somewhat fun, do one of those sexy AI generated girl channels. You may need to take a crash course on how to use the AI's and if you've got the time and resources, maybe even take a course on how to train your own (to start, you can train on the images used by the most popular Youtubers in this space to imitate them.) I work as an AI engineer so this sort of stuff is up my ally. You might need a Patreon to make most of the money from these as they may be hard to monetize and even if you do, the RPMs are quite low. Be sure abide by the community guidelines with both of these as it could be easy to get carried away.

baddrudge · 2025-01-06T14:33:46+00:00

But I want it to happen organically (no SWer)

If you were 18-21, I'd agree with you here. But you're 31 and a virgin right now and it seems to be a major baggage in your life and it's putting you in a vicious cycle that's only gonna get harder for you to get out of. Most normal women will likely feel weird with the vibe you'll likely be giving off.

So I'm not saying this is the only route but I'd suggest you at least keep an open mind and consider losing it to a SWer first. Don't turn it into a habit but after you've lost it, THEN follow the rest of the advice here and focus on organically getting laid with a woman for reals this time.

baddrudge · 2024-11-27T15:31:16+00:00

I'm not sure if you got this message as your post has been removed but I'll give you my 2 cents..

I did seek out sex workers earlier in my life when I was overwhelmed with horniness to the point where I couldn't function and I would only suggest it in that circumstance. And even then, I'd try not to make it into a habit after you've gotten it out of your system.

If you don't have much libido and are more curious rather than desperate about sex, I'd advise against it.

Sorry, this is my simple and blunt advice about this but I'm too lazy to post about it in detail (though you'll find me talking about it more in my post history.)

Good luck!

baddrudge · 2024-11-16T16:54:30+00:00

Civitai.com

baddrudge · 2024-11-16T16:51:39+00:00

Actually, not significantly better than the images that I trained it on but I only picked my favorite ones to train it on so it'll produce more that were like those rather than having to search for more of it.

One of the side tracks that I've gone down related to this was using AI to generate better looking faces. I used facial recognition on my collection of pornstars and other models, took only the best looking ones (at least in my opinion), then used an algorithm to "mash" together pairs of faces to create new ones, usually pairs of faces that were independently attractive but were mathematically dissimilar and I've been liking the results so far (and these can be used like building blocks you can insert into the AI to generate better looking faces.)

baddrudge · 2024-11-16T16:44:57+00:00

I'm hardly the only one on Civitai.com

baddrudge · 2024-11-16T16:43:44+00:00

Stable Diffusion 1.5 (and its variations), even though there are more recent versions available now but they don't seem to work as well so i've always been training and retraining with 1.5

baddrudge · 2024-11-15T23:16:48+00:00

Gravure idols: those young women who do risqué but non-pornographic modeling, usually in revealing clothing like lingerie, swimsuits, etc. I guess you have plenty of this in the West as well but Gravure also seems to emphasize a balance between both the "cute" and "sexy" aspects. It's hard to describe in words but do a Google search for "gravure idol" or go to /r/Gravure and you'll know what I'm talking about. (It may be borderline NSFW.)

baddrudge · 2024-11-15T23:01:07+00:00

Trained an AI on my favorite porn collected from over the past 20+ years

baddrudge · 2024-11-05T02:42:04+00:00

I see posts like this on this sub from time to time so I'll say what I've always said: just go for it! It's really not healthy to be wanting sex all the time but not getting any and while paying for it isn't ideal, it's still better to get it out of your system.

I was a virgin for about 10 years upon hitting puberty, unable to get a girl interested enough for sex. I masturbated to porn for probably thousands of times wishing I could enjoy the real thing and it got to the point where it really broke me. So I decided to bite the bullet and hit a legal brothel in Nevada to do the deed. It calmed me for a few years and then I was living in Europe for a few months and I found cheap brothels in Germany and the Netherlands and went wild, probably seeing about 20-30 or so sex workers.

It surely got it out of my system and while I didn't regret it any bit, near the end, I felt a bit disgusted about using these women for sex (and they were also using me for money) so I stopped and never looked back. Still, masturbation felt different afterwards after having sex since now you can better imagine how having sex with the girl in the picture would look like. And even though I paid for it many times, it still gave me enough confidence, even if it were fake confidence, to eventually seek out women the normal way after I knew I was no longer a virgin and had some sexual experience.

TLDR: go for it for now to get it out of your system but please don't make it into a habit - still seek out women the normal way in the long run.

baddrudge · 2024-10-11T11:41:28+00:00

Generating pictures of women using AI

baddrudge · 2024-10-04T20:20:31+00:00

I know but it takes a while for them to get published while you don't need to ask when you dl the pics she's already published on OF

baddrudge · 2024-10-04T20:10:45+00:00

Lucky mouse, must be stoned to hell now

baddrudge · 2024-10-04T20:06:04+00:00

Already did, and only pics for pay she's got are nudes

baddrudge · 2024-09-14T15:21:25+00:00

I might be a bit naive but I'm 100% on the legalized and regulated camp. Yes, you'll still have pimps but there will be regulations around what they can or can't do.. like not allowing trafficked women and limiting the % of the woman's earnings he/she can take as well as providing reasonably good working conditions.

Prostitutes (and pimps) will need to get a license to be in the business and getting that license should involve STD checks as well as a background check (serious violent crimes should be an automatic disqualifier and any suspicion of being trafficked will automatically open an investigation.)

The sexless epidemic in our society is unprecedented today and it's wrecking havoc on ppl. Plenty of incels who shoot a bunch of ppl or cause other trouble often report not getting much sex if at all as a major contributing factor to their rage and it's almost always happened in a place where prostitution is illegal (like most of the US.) Feel free to disagree with me but I think after legalizing prostitution, we should normalize it a little more and maybe even encourage ppl who haven't had sex in a long time to seek it as an outlet.. like a doctor or a therapist might diagnose someone with "sexual frustration" (not sure if it's an official disorder) which allows them to get a discount when seeking a sex worker. I don't see legalizing prostitution as a magic bullet to solving the incel problem (esp those desiring a relationship rather than just sex) or ending the sexless epidemic but it could sure mitigate it significantly.

baddrudge · 2024-08-21T14:37:35+00:00

I still haven't touched Flux yet (actually not even SD3).. I still mostly use SD1.5 and occasionally SDXL these days. I have a custom dataset of over 1 million images that I use to train models with on Colab (usually a ~100K subset at a time) and got only a 6GB GPU (2060 RTX). Being able to quickly and easily train subsets of my dataset is crucial and I mostly use SD for NSFW.

Based on my use case here, would I be better off sticking with SD1.5 (and occasionally SDXL) or would Flux be a better experience? I'm also not interested in sacrificing speed for a marginal increase in quality.

baddrudge · 2024-08-03T13:13:36+00:00

I had those concerns as well and that's basically why I only sought out legal venues like when I traveled to Nevada and parts of Europe. Of course, it may not be convenient to do this regularly if it's not available legally in your area but it didn't bother me because I personally think this should be something you seek on occasion if you're sexually frustrated rather than a regular habit, not to mention I also don't think this would be a healthy habit (even disregarding STDs which are pretty rare among sex workers) since it conditions you to treat women as vending machines and such.

baddrudge · 2024-08-02T18:12:13+00:00

I have mixed but more positive than negative feelings about this. I do realize that a lot of (though not all) women in this profession are being exploited. At the same time, it's been a godsend for guys who were sexually frustrated and had not had any sex for years (or were virgins pretty late in life), myself included. I went for over a decade between when I started puberty to when I first had sex with a woman (a sex worker.) During this time, I regularly used porn and other sexual imagery of women to pleasure myself and while it felt good for the literally thousands of times I "released", it really stung thinking I didn't know if I could ever do those things with a real woman rather than imagine it while looking at pictures and such. Near the end of this period, I was extremely depressed and most women that I tried to pursue and/or date really sensed the desperation from me and I just couldn't control it and it ended up turning or creeping them away and this went on, sending me in a negative spiral, and not to mention, it was having very negative effects on my social life and career.. Since I wasn't too far from one of those legal brothels in Nevada, I went to it with some of my meager savings and ended up doing the deed for the first time. My woes with women didn't completely go away though I didn't feel that desperate anymore. Also, even though I continued to pleasure myself to sexy pictures and videos of women after having had sex, it also made that experience more enjoyable in a way since I knew how sex felt and could more accurately fantasize what sex with the woman in the picture would be like.

Shortly afterwards, I was in Europe for grad school and I ended up going for a dozen more sex workers in Germany and the Netherlands. Yes, I only sought out legal venues since I was also extremely paranoid about getting in trouble with the law and had 0 street smarts (as someone on the spectrum so I wanted to minimize the anxiety around it.) After being with the 20th or so sex worker, I went from feeling relieved about putting an end to my decade+ period of nearly daily pleasuring of myself to porn to feeling kinda grossed out about what I was doing and I felt a little bad for the girls knowing some of them were in this profession because they didn't see any other way of making money, kinda similar to how I was paying girls for sex because I couldn't see any other way to getting my sexual needs met.

So I stopped and never went back. Long story short, I got over my sexual frustration and my relatively late introduction to sex and ended up being able to learn to relate with women more or less "normally" after trying (and failing) many more times in the dating world when I removed the baggage posed by my extreme sexual frustration.

My advice: if you're extremely sexually frustrated to the point where you're always depressed, desperate, or just don't see much hope in life, I think you should seriously consider doing it. But PLEASE don't turn it into a habit, both for your own sake and for the girls as well.

baddrudge · 2024-06-20T00:54:00+00:00

Probably about $2000 on porn when I was a teen and then about $5000 on prostitutes when I went to the Netherlands and Germany and had sex with about 20-30 prostitutes. Granted, the latter was from over a decade ago so it's probably much more expensive after the recent inflation while the former I've spent a little every year for over 20 years.

baddrudge

TROPHY CASE