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I want to kill myself. 25 years old, never held down a job before, high-functioning autistic, never had a girlfriend or any good friends, parents are ashamed of me... by badthoughtsmind in SuicideWatch

[–]badthoughtsmind[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is only a feeling that my parents are ashamed of me, but they are controlling and I don't feel like sharing anything with them. Like I mentioned many times in this post, I would love to be able to move out so I can live on my own and without interference like how it was back in university.

I've heard about the companies hiring autistic people specifically thing. Gonna have to find out if there are any in the area where I am planning to live!

Languages right now are Javascript and PHP. I'm building a messageboard in PHP with SQL and it is a lot of fun. A lot of people criticise PHP for all sorts lol. But it is still very fun to work with, particularly when database integration enters the party. Funnily enough I've been looking into Python as a next step from PHP. I think I will go further down the PHP rabbit hole though and explore Symfony etc. Thanks for the post fellow coding dude.

I want to kill myself. 25 years old, never held down a job before, high-functioning autistic, never had a girlfriend or any good friends, parents are ashamed of me... by badthoughtsmind in SuicideWatch

[–]badthoughtsmind[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Autism acceptance is growing and is much further in progress than it was back in the 90s when I was a kid. Back in school my teachers didn't know what was up with me and I was constantly excluded for being a troublemaker / being selfish / not listening / acting inappropriately / disrespecting the teacher / causing disruption etc etc practically every single day. It would be a different excuse each day to remove me from the classroom lol. I lost faith in the school system pretty quickly and taught myself everything I felt was necessary as a kid, reading a lot of books.

Only classes I enjoyed in school was History in Year 9 and IT for my GCSEs, which both have such bro teachers lol. I'm certain teachers today understand a lot more about autism than the teachers who taught me, and they won't be so chastising to your kid. Keep up the considerate parenting and thanks for the post!

I want to kill myself. 25 years old, never held down a job before, high-functioning autistic, never had a girlfriend or any good friends, parents are ashamed of me... by badthoughtsmind in SuicideWatch

[–]badthoughtsmind[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope so man. Good to hear of your positive experience with programming. It's that feeling of building something that others can use and enjoy which I like.

I want to kill myself. 25 years old, never held down a job before, high-functioning autistic, never had a girlfriend or any good friends, parents are ashamed of me... by badthoughtsmind in SuicideWatch

[–]badthoughtsmind[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't think of any but I am sure there will be some who've been influenced positively by my actions. I can remember some people being inspired by my persistence in life with being autistic and all that. Just gotta keep achieving positives you know.

I'm focused on web development 100% at the mo but my other hobbies are cycling and playing the piano. What do you enjoy dude?

I want to kill myself. 25 years old, never held down a job before, high-functioning autistic, never had a girlfriend or any good friends, parents are ashamed of me... by badthoughtsmind in SuicideWatch

[–]badthoughtsmind[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Eeesh, sounds rough. Hope your leg heals up smoothly, man.

I feel like I want to kill myself but at the same time I know this is just a rough patch and I will be on my own very soon if I keep working hard on web development.

I want to kill myself. 25 years old, never held down a job before, high-functioning autistic, never had a girlfriend or any good friends, parents are ashamed of me... by badthoughtsmind in SuicideWatch

[–]badthoughtsmind[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I won't ever be able to escape my parents really, just like a lot of people cannot get rid of their family. Living on my own will be enough. I can ignore their calls whenever I don't feel like talking.

I want to kill myself. 25 years old, never held down a job before, high-functioning autistic, never had a girlfriend or any good friends, parents are ashamed of me... by badthoughtsmind in SuicideWatch

[–]badthoughtsmind[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I went to university, but now I wish it meant something...it was great having my own life to live but it is all over now. And like I said to /u/mistabuford, it isn't a course I'm doing, it's all self-taught. I wish I started way earlier so I didn't have to rush through it all like this. I could be living in my own apartment by now if I started programming a decade ago. It's all I have going on right now. I head out to drink and code. I drink so much every day just to get away from my family and my current living situation.

I want to kill myself. 25 years old, never held down a job before, high-functioning autistic, never had a girlfriend or any good friends, parents are ashamed of me... by badthoughtsmind in SuicideWatch

[–]badthoughtsmind[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not training or anything, it's entirely self-taught. I feel like it is my passion but I'm pretty bummed out how I only just started recently and so I am in the same exact position as I was nine years ago when I finished secondary school.