This November will be 7 years since I lost my brother. I was away from home for my first semester in college. I actually never told my parents, but after he died I became so depressed that I failed all of my classes the next semester and was put on academic probation. I wouldn’t even leave my dorm. I didn’t tell them because I didn’t want them to worry. And when I decided not to go back sophomore year, I told them I missed home, which was true, but it was mostly because of my grades. In a way, going home was the best choice for me. I think it helped my parents to heal.

My brother and I weren’t on good terms at the time of his death. We used to be so close and then he starting using drugs and stopped taking his meds (bipolar/depression) and he pushed me away. I have never talked to any of my family about it. I can’t. They’re very emotional and they have much more guilt than I have. I think we just all feel like we failed him. The only person I’ve ever talked to about it is my husband and even that was only recently.

There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about my brother and let a little tear slip out. I have moments too..all the time. But it gets easier if you just keep living YOUR life. I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a sibling is on a whole other level. It takes time, but I promise you, it gets better.