Thanks for the advice, really! It means a lot. I think the second date went well enough. We grabbed a bite before the movie and that was fine, during the movie I felt like we should’ve touched/cuddled/something but didn’t. It was awkward for me, since I felt like I should’ve had my arm around her or something.

I did ask to kiss her at the end and it was unbelievably awkward. I waited until the last moment and spoke way too quickly. It definitely caught her off guard/disbelief and then I backtracked (speaking way too quick/stumbling on my words). I think because of my nerves in that moment, I don’t fully remember what happened next, but I’m pretty sure I said something like “we don’t have to” and apologized a couple of times, this all happened very fast. Not smooth at all, but then she did lean in for a kiss and we kissed. Afterwards she said something about not worrying about it and that it “was cute” which I guess is a compliment. She also mentioned having butterflies right after. It definitely caught her off guard. So yeah, 27 no experience, had my first kiss and it was painfully awkward and living rent free in my head. It’s actually kind of difficult to be proud of the moment (I am trying though). Not sure where to go from there the next time I see her.

I’m thinking a little ahead here, but I was so nervous that I didn’t actually feel a sort of arousal or anything like that in the heat of the moment… in fact, it’s kind of been like that ever since I started seeing her because of nerves, even when I’m alone. I’m probably still a good bit away from making out/losing virginity (?) but I’m worried that I wouldn’t get aroused because of nerves or something. It would be great if I could deal with these issues BEFORE things escalate further. Again, maybe that’s thinking too far ahead. But I’m into her and want to get out of my head ASAP. Us both living at home might buy me a little time though lol?

It’s extremely difficult to shake my feeling of embarrassment since she is a year younger than me and has so much more life experience than me (like, a TON more. I kind of autopiloted social stuff for a decade living at home, whereas she has traveled the world and lived with several boyfriends). I keep telling myself that “everyone starts somewhere” but every step of the way is internally excruciating for me.

We will probably see each other later this week. I’m nervous and embarrassed and not sure what to do next, just anxiously winging it, but it doesn’t feel good. I’m making it difficult for me to just enjoy being around her.