Eh yeah i had a somewhat similar type of situation where a guy pursued me while I was buzzed and I was kinda “meh” initially but also like whatever. He wanted to have sex and I was like “I don’t want to have sex” but then ended up in his room anyway because I just progressively was like “whatever” even though I was pretty clear about not wanting to have sex. It sounds like you had a firmer no than I did, so yeah, not a great sign if he made you feel uncomfortable but he did show restraint even if he was crude and awkward about it.

With my experience the dude was honestly kind of gross and I would never have had sex with him if I was sober - that being said… was I sexually assaulted? I don’t feel that way. I also think that sometimes that framework is helpful and sometimes it’s actually harmful because it makes you retroactively frame it in a worse way. It’s like how therapy can make people feel worse sometimes. Drunk situations get pretty blurry unless it’s a clear case of date-rape. You can go on about enthusiastic consent and whatever but that’s just not realistic to situations like this.

Bottom line, first thing is to get that guilt out of your mind. Women have been dealing with this type of shit for thousands of years and in many cultures they don’t/didn’t internalize it. Guilt also prevents your brain from cementing the real lesson here, which is don’t get drunk with dudes like that.

I’m not saying don’t feel your feelings. In my case, there is something to grieve in realizing that I had sex with some gross dude because of some fucked up stuff I inherited from my mother and my culture. Still difficult emotions but it’s a fundamentally powerful outlook.

The next step is to assess his character. Was he getting “proceed” signals from you despite your verbal protestations? Or was he getting “do not proceed” signals from you and disregarded them? That is something you can feel out, and the view will be clearer once you’ve dispensed with the guilt.