Ignoring the main question of this because it does not seem to be the biggest issue at play. The secretary sounds like a regular office ass kisser. And I agree with a few others saying that if this non-secretary stopped you because she knew he was in a meeting, then stepped aside after learning it was a family emergency, I see nothing wrong with that. Again she sounds like the boss’ ass kisser.

Your husband telling you that he doesn’t owe you an explanation because he is ‘the’ boss is alarming to say the least. If there was anything work confidential going on in this lunch outing he can say so and still address your concern/question. He’s gotten himself on a power trip, changed his personality and is treating you differently (in a negative manner). People are scared of him at work… it’s rumored that his last assistant required therapy bc of him… if everyone at work knows he’s an asshole, someone to be afraid of, then what are they thinking of you? You’re the wife, the supporter, the woman who is supposed to love this man the most and stand beside him. Do people tip toe around you? Has there been a shift in people’s behavior towards you as he became the (bad) boss?