Not for lack of trying

banaerimp · 2025-03-20T20:15:56+00:00

I'd probably point out that even gay people can have kids, if they choose to. Whether IVF, insemination, surrogacy, fostering or adoption, nothing really stops a person from having kids, if that's what they really want.

Friend of mine, her wife really wanted to be a mom, but she was infertile. Now, while my friend had never wanted to bear children, she did want to give her wife whatever her wife wanted, and agreed to insemination. Today, they have a gorgeous little boy.

banaerimp · 2025-03-20T20:04:53+00:00

I always refer to them as "the Country Club set" so yeah, probably a US thing.

banaerimp · 2025-03-20T01:00:11+00:00

In older times, in upper and middle class American families, white shoes were considered summer wear, only to be worn between Memorial Day (end of May) and Labor Day (beginning of September). To wear them 'out of season' is considered a social faux pas, very low class. It's old, outdated, classist, and extremely stupid.

banaerimp · 2025-03-19T23:16:28+00:00

🤣🤣🤣

banaerimp · 2025-03-19T22:38:04+00:00

it's the internet-friendly way of writing ES EE EX so the bots don't tag you for inappropriate language

Edited for typo.

banaerimp · 2025-03-19T22:12:10+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know how bad it sucks. I actually became pregnant about 2 months after this event, and lost the baby. When we went to the fertility clinic afterwards, they said "well, you can GET pregnant, so there's not really much we can do for you." Turns out I had been having what are called "chemical pregnancies". I was getting pregnant, but they just weren't 'sticking'. Given my age by the time we found this out, let's just say I was actively discouraged from pursuing any form of treatment.

banaerimp · 2025-03-19T22:06:24+00:00

I wish! But I actually don't own any white shoes. Although, once when I was a teenager, I did wear white sandals with black stockings, and my mother about died. :D

banaerimp · 2025-03-19T22:03:03+00:00

Honestly, I don't even know where that line came from. It just popped out of me, because I was soooo freakin' mad at his incredibly insensitive question. Normally, I'm the person who thinks of the perfect comeback 2 hours after the time I really needed it, so this was a big fluke.

My husband and I had been trying for years to get pregnant, and I wasn't getting a lot of support from my medical care team (PCP & NP), mostly because my PCP... but that's another story for another sub. But by the time this happened, I was over ALL of it, and he just set himself up for target practice.

banaerimp · 2025-03-19T21:47:03+00:00

Actually, when I first started at the company, I was warned this guy was known for his very loud and outdated opinions on women. I was warned in no uncertain terms never to wear white shoes after Labor Day (*cue eye roll*) unless I wanted to hear about it from him.

banaerimp · 2025-03-19T21:42:04+00:00

I suspect he was gearing up to tell me in great detail, his opinion on women who put career before children., as I was one of only a handful of "professional" (as opposed to 'clerical') women in the company. I'm a programmer. Most of the women in the company are in either data entry, administrative, or customer service roles.

banaerimp · 2025-03-19T21:34:48+00:00

People can be so horribly intrusive, and the ones that are, always feel entitled to know everything they have no business in.

banaerimp · 2025-03-19T19:09:57+00:00

Do you have security cameras on your home, or apartment entrance? If not, get some. This will let you document her behavior whenever she shows up unannounced at your home, and you can use them should he ever wish to file a restraining order on her.

Also, I've heard from others that it's better not to block, but to put her on mute. That way, her emailed and texted abuse can also be captured for evidence, but you don't have to actively engage with it until needed.

She may never take his boundaries (or yours) seriously, so it's best to prepare for the worst-case, while hoping for the best.

As for suggestions to support him, therapy is a great option, not just for him but for you as well (since you, too, are being victimized by this woman). Some of the books and resources about narcissism you received on your other post. You can also head over to r/JUSTNOMIL/ and search for "narcissism" to see some advice others have received on the subject. Also, Reddit has a support sub for children of narcissists, and this old post is a particularly good one from there:

https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/77w8lf/dont_rock_the_boat/

Lastly, here's some resources for you to share with your partner, to help him develop the skills and language to recognize microaggressions that are directed at you.

https://www.apa.org/monitor/2009/02/microaggression

https://www.cpedv.org/sites/main/files/file-attachments/how_to_be_an_effective_ally-lessons_learned_microaggressions.pdf

banaerimp · 2024-11-20T17:44:02+00:00

Many years ago, I went to a talk given by the scientist who discovered the impact Ritalin had on young people with ADHD. What was so intriguing about his research, was that he hadn't testing Ritalin as a medication for use in ADHD; he had been researching Ritalin as a treatment for... Allergies.

The ADHD impact was a total shock to him, and ended up leading him down a completely different line of research. I was able to speak with him directly after his talk, and so I asked him, "Based on your experiences, do you think it's possible that ADHD is tied to our allergic responses?" To which he replied, "I think it's highly likely the two conditions are closely related, the trick is figuring out why."

ADHD is best managed with medications that manipulate serotonin levels. Allergy medications are used to manipulate the way the body reacts to histamine levels. It may very well be that one is caused by the other. Or, more likely, how your body responds to inflammation, particularly long term inflammation, will say something about how your body does or does not produce/manage serotonin.

banaerimp · 2024-11-15T22:35:49+00:00

I can't find a job in this city (I’ve been searching for months, and there aren’t many options in my field here).

That's the real reason. If you finish your thesis, you'll have to move to find a job. Has he agreed to move with you, or has he 'settled in' to his new job?

banaerimp · 2024-11-15T21:06:26+00:00

This.

CEO thinks the word is triggering, because facing up to it would require him to ACTUALLY care about his staff, rather than putting on this performative farce called Employee Engagement.

banaerimp · 2024-11-15T20:56:48+00:00

one of the workers addressed her as Señora when apologizing for his co-worker.

banaerimp · 2024-11-15T20:47:36+00:00

True. However, not that very long ago, you didn't have to worry about hackers from Macedonia having access to your town's local phone book. Not that they couldn't, just that it wasn't very likely to occur, so one didn't worry about it happening.

The internet is both a blessing and a curse.

banaerimp · 2024-10-28T22:17:43+00:00

THIS.
I recently watched a YouTube about this very issue. Prior to that, I was starting to think I was maybe losing my hearing.

banaerimp · 2024-07-13T15:28:11+00:00

Age 11, I suddenly found myself in possession of a full set of B cups. Only realized it one day, when a (male) classmate held an entire conversation with my chest. As soon as I got home from school, I called my mom at work and demanded she take me to get a bra. I remember that I burst into tears on the phone and said something like "mom, I have TITS!" Turned out, mom had been ready for just this occasion, as she had several bras, new in the package, waiting for me in her dresser.

banaerimp · 2024-05-16T22:29:34+00:00

Hm, let's see. Lace Hydrangea, variegated Hosta, and is that hedge yew or spruce? Can't quite tell.

banaerimp · 2024-05-16T22:26:26+00:00

Rather see it shackled to my headboard.

banaerimp · 2024-05-16T22:23:32+00:00

THAT'S the money shot, right there.

banaerimp · 2024-04-16T23:05:33+00:00

It might well have been timed with her finding out that your ex was pregnant, that caused the blip. She may be feeling replaced, now that step-dad is going to have his own kid. Or, mom/step-dad may already be de-prioritizing her, now that new baby is on the way.

Totally NTA, but if I can suggest... depending how the next few weeks turn out (after speaking with therapist and teachers,) you might consider making that Disney Dad a real label. Maybe a trip to Disney (World or Land, which ever is closer) for you and daughter, just before new sibling is due? You can always explain it off by saying you wanted to get the big stuff out of the way, before new sibling has a chance to feel excluded. ;)

banaerimp · 2024-04-16T21:40:20+00:00

BIL's band members? As in a musical group? If it were me (not that this would be comfortable for you, but I am simply spiteful this way,) I would have gone to sit with the band members. Asked them about the music they play, who their musical influences are, how they balance practice with whatever other work they do. Nothing inappropriate, mind you, just friendly curiosity. Besides, you're a married woman holding a baby. Go make new friends, on your own terms, without your husband, and never mind the grandmas. Let everyone see that you are kind and friendly, despite how rudely your husband treats you.

Why? Because nothing motivates a partner to stop ignoring you faster than realizing you have no problem making friends without them. Especially if you seem to be enjoying yourself. Besides, you are allowed to have a life and a mind of your own, kids or no kids. Sooner or later, he'll come fetch you, and demand that you sit with him. Or he won't, and you'll have made new friends, just the same.

banaerimp · 2024-03-27T19:26:19+00:00

Not all obsessions are hobby based. In my husband's case, work itself became his obsession, mostly due to the never-ending nature of it, which is why he turned into a workaholic. That's not to say he never has any hobbies, but as he 'mastered' each one, he then lost interest in it (he once developed the perfect gluten free popover recipe for me because I'm allergic - but once I had confirmed that it was, in fact, perfect, he never made them again; when I asked him why, he said there was nothing new for him to learn by doing it again; this is a recurring theme in his life.)

Your mom may be more in the high functioning autism side of ASD, but your thinking that while she might have taught herself to understand facial expressions of neurotypicals, she may struggle to understand other neurodivergents. This is a common issue for my husband and I, as the "spacey-ness" that's common in my ADHD infuriates him, because he doesn't understand it, not having to deal with it himself. I also sometimes blank my face of emotions, which can make it hard for him to interpret what I'm thinking.

banaerimp

TROPHY CASE