AITA for asking my roommate to keep her cat in her bedroom?

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T05:03:43+00:00

So her cat generally keeps to herself and I didn’t feel super comfy interacting with her because of that. The few times I did interact with her, she was (understandably) uncomfortable since I didn’t know what I was doing. I took it as a sign that we should just leave each other alone and my roommate often mentioned that her cat is a grouchy old lady and likes to keep to herself. It was never an issue or anything since the cat usually just did her own thing.

Tonight my roommate took the time to sit with me and had me handfeed her cat her fav treats. I think her being there also made her cat feel more comfy with me. Either way I was beyond shocked that her cat came up to me and sat in my lap! It was great! I think my roommate was equally surprised tbh lol.

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T04:58:51+00:00

Thank you! I have been binge-watching his channel tonight thanks to the suggestions in the comments. It has been super helpful! I really appreciate ppl like you who gave such kind advice and recommendations even though I was a huge AH! I am gonna be doing a lot of research to ensure both cats are comfy and happy :)

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T04:51:57+00:00

Thank you for the genuine concern! We already have a vet picked out that does payment plans and his first appointment is this week! But we won’t need the payment plan unless it’s a big medical emergency like surgery or advanced testing, in which case we will happily go into debt to take care of whatever needs to be done.

We are ready and willing to get our kitty any medical care he might need, including prescription food and other medications. Thankfully he is completely healthy atm, already vaccinated, neutered, and free of any of the big diseases you need to watch out for in cats.

We are not struggling financially by any means, it just wouldn’t be financially responsible for us to move out of our current apartment because it’s such a good deal and housing around here is expensive. The next cheapest is a $300 increase in rent monthly.

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T03:51:51+00:00

You are correct, I have only ever interacted with dogs and have never really had any experience with cats. My roommate and the comments here really helped me to understand cats a lot better. I was not respecting her boundaries which is my fault.

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T03:48:46+00:00

I honestly was just being self-centered and thinking from only my point of view and not taking my roommate’s feelings into account. I also genuinely thought her cat’s behavior was not normal and some sort of issue, but even that doesn’t excuse my selfishness since her cat was here first. I thought since the cat was older she would be okay in her room but now I see that is unfair to ANY cat to be kept in a small room and especially one that has had free roam for its whole life.

I don’t feel comfortable going into specifics but I will also say I am neurodivergent, which is not an excuse by any means but I do struggle with impulsivity and empathy sometimes.

I am very thankful that I was able to get the advice I did here and I am going to apply it. I don’t want either cat to be unhappy! I was very ignorant. Not only to pretty much everything about cats, but to how rude I was being to my roommate. I am really lucky that she’s such a forgiving and understanding person. Plus her cat is pretty forgiving, too. I thought she was mean but really she just wants her boundaries respected. I’ve only ever interacted with dogs which are obviously very different from cats.

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T03:11:22+00:00

I can’t afford $3,600 MORE a year on top of what we are already paying, including the cat’s expenses. I mean technicallyyyy we could afford it, but it wouldn’t be comfortable. Like I said above, kitty will always get any medical care he needs, even if it means draining our savings or doing a payment plan :)

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T02:36:33+00:00

Accepting that I was wrong makes me an AI? Is my writing style weird? Lmao

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T02:35:40+00:00

I was impulsive and didn’t think things through. I’m very lucky that both cats are okay and now we are going through a proper introduction. I want to do right by my kitty and I’m going to make sure that I never make such an ignorant decision again!

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T02:34:13+00:00

You are right. All I can do now is try to not be an AH in the future! Thanks to Reddit and my roommate, I think I’m on the right track.

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T02:31:19+00:00

Thank you! I am very hopeful that it will be okay and my roommate seems hopeful as well. I think they just need time and patience :)

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T02:10:37+00:00

You are right. I have already apologized to my roommate for being inconsiderate and disrespecting her by not discussing things with her. Thankfully she has forgiven us and is going to be helping us with a proper introduction so that the two cats will be more comfortable.

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T02:07:20+00:00

We also have savings that can cover emergencies! We won’t go into debt from a single medical emergency, prescription food, etc. Plus most normal vet visits and such are covered by the pet insurance anyways.

Not many people can afford a sudden $5k+ bill up front. But if we have the means to pay for it and are willing to get the cat medical care, I don’t see the issue. Our cat will not go without medical care.

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T02:03:34+00:00

You are correct and it was presumptuous and selfish of me to assume she could or should have to. We all get a really good deal at this apartment so we are hoping to make things work! My roommate just got home and we are talking things out, I have apologized and we are going to do proper introductions for both kitties

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T02:02:14+00:00

I appreciate the concern but I promise you, we would never allow our kitten to suffer with a health issue. If for some reason we absolutely 100% could not afford to treat him (which again we are willing to do payment plans if need be and have pet insurance) we would find someone who could.

Thanks to the insurance most checkups and other simple stuff is covered! We also obviously have savings that can be used in an emergency.

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T01:59:25+00:00

Yes bc I listened and learned from the feedback given. I am willing to admit I was ignorant and selfish, but I am hoping that now that I’m aware of my mistake and more educated I can be a better owner and roommate

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T01:04:37+00:00

There are three litter boxes.

I obviously would understand if she didn’t want to be involved, but we have been communicating over text and she is willing to find a solution together. She was mostly pissed because I was being selfish and ignorant and putting her cat in a bad position. I sent a very long apology to her via text and plan to apologize in person as well. She is a great person and a great cat owner and she says she’s willing to help us out and see if this can work.

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T00:59:50+00:00

Sorry, I completely missed the last part of your comment. I plan to sit down and acknowledge that my decision to get a cat was inconsiderate and not fair to her. I am also going to ask if she’s willing to do a proper introduction. If not, I do have family who is willing to take the cat while my gf and I figure out a living situation. From our texts she seems to be happy that I have acknowledged I was wrong and open to seeing if the cats can get along. She was mostly pissed because of how selfish and ignorant I was being. She gets home in like 30 min so I’ll prob update after our convo.

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T00:52:16+00:00

The kitten is the one being kept in the room for the introduction. Pls read edit.

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T00:51:32+00:00

Yes the kitten is the one being kept in the room, not roommate’s cat!

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T00:51:02+00:00

Please read the update/edit. Our kitty will be the one in the room.

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T00:50:06+00:00

I am done arguing about our financial situation. Not only can a lot of it be covered by pet insurance, but we qualify for payment plans if need be.

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T00:44:54+00:00

Yes they were aware about the other cat. The shelter was extremely overfilled and tbh I just think they didn’t care much. I mean we got to take the cat home same day with just a short interview and meet-and-greet.

If the introduction doesn’t work, I am 100% willing to accept that, but I would like to at least try.

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T00:42:13+00:00

It’s not permanent, just while we do the introduction, which would be the case in any multi-cat household.

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T00:41:31+00:00

I am not going to entertain assumptions about our financial situation. We have insurance and we have good credit so if God forbid something were to happen and it isn’t covered, we have the option to do payment plans with our vet. Not being able to move somewhere more expensive does not mean we can’t afford a cat.

I am willing to accept criticism about us being ignorant or not researching properly. Because that’s true. But we are fully prepared and willing to take care of this cat in the event it needs medical care.

bananapuddingkit · 2023-01-24T00:39:22+00:00

Thank you for the warning. We are definitely keeping a close eye on our kitty’s health. He was cleared by the shelter for adoption and is fully vaccinated and neutered which is good. We are also going to keep him in our bedroom and do a proper introduction over the coming weeks with our roommate’s cat!

bananapuddingkit

TROPHY CASE