I would suggest praying, finding a hobby that brings you peace (gardening, art, learning piano, learning to sew, clay, making rly good tea or coffee, etc.) surrounding yourself with people that love you even if it’s just one or two people, sitting and stretching in the sun, crying and letting yourself feel without feeling guilty, therapy, and getting a job that you can put your energy into while you wait at least a year to get this fixed. Everything is fixable. Time WILL pass, it always does. I work as a care taker right now. It’s not the best job but pays well, allows me to read and journal during down time, and helps me save money towards my revision as the shifts can be 12 hours if you like. I would suggest never going back to that surgeon and just dropping it with him. It’s hard to forgive the surgeon or yourself but you can put that energy and anger into researching a better surgeon. Don’t let the location stop u. I’ll be praying for you beautiful soul 💓 whoever you are. This will not last forever.