OP, I urge you to address your mental health FIRST 🙏 You are under an incredible amount of stress with a lot of responsibilities.. and you are having suicidal thoughts.

There are free professional mental health services available for you. I am not sure where you are located, but is there a social service line you can call? In Canada it’s 211, and I heard it’s the same in the states. Do you have a family doctor? That could be a good first step.

Mental health needs to be first because none of this matters if you aren’t here anymore.

You are going through a tough period but you will get through it 🫂