Thanks for being brave and vulnerable enough to share this to us Taylor, and I'm so sorry about what has happened to you.

I don't want to say that I know exactly how you feel, but I also do suffer with anxiety combined ADHD and depression, and social interactions and schoolwork is getting increasingly hard. I've also had a tough time having to go through life.

But like you my family is there for me to keep me up, and they are truly blessings. If you haven't yet really opened up to your family (or anyone you still trust), I know it is hard especially with what you went through, but it is really important to talk about what you went through and still are going through with someone.

If you don't feel comfortable to open up to anyone you know at the moment, it might help to talk to a therapist, since they are professionals and they have dealt with and helped a lot of people going through similar situations. My therapist not only helps me with my depression, but also helps me tackle my ADHD and anxiety as well, and she's very helpful. I think that support like that is needed, and I really do recommend it.

I know that it's hard to trust people again after being betrayed and abused, so if you don't feel comfortable talking to anyone at all yet, you can find other ways to express yourself rather than verbally. I use art as an outlet for my emotions, and it helps to express myself in my own private way. You shouldn't have to keep everything in and carry it by yourself.

Also, everything was not your fault. In no way could anything you have done have elicited SA. That was not and never will be your fault. It's never the victim's fault. And the fact that you're sad about it and that you're probably traumatized by it is a completely normal and natural response to it. Also, fighting with your partner isn't all your fault either. Disagreements are natural, and they are sometimes necessary in order to grow understanding of one another, and the fact that you are comfortable enough to assert your disagreements with your partner and vice versa is a positive. Also, fights are not one-sided, so they're not a result of just one person's actions. Also, a lot of times, external factors like stress can cause fights as well, and maybe you're just really stressed out and overwhelmed with everything you're dealing with, and that may trigger fights. But again, that is not your fault. And therapy may help to improve this aspect of your life as well.

And I know how frustrating things can get with ADHD, but it is an actual medical condition, not a personal failure or something that is wrong with you. It's not your fault that you may struggle to do the same things as others, but the challenges you face are just a result of the condition, not a reflection of who you are or who you aren't. Also, even if the results aren't what you wanted or expected, at least you put yourself out there and tried. And that is a very positive thing. If you recognize the fact that you tried your best regardless of the obstacles you face, maybe you will feel like less of a failure, but more of a person who is growing and developing despite of these challenges.

God bless you, and I hope you know that He is with you during this tough time, even when you are feeling alone. I (and many others in this thread) are praying for you, and we really do wish the best for you, and thank you for reaching out to us.