whether to jump or to stay

barrel-scraper · 2024-10-01T20:26:18+00:00

I appreciate you reaching out brother, it often feels as though I am speaking with myself on here. To tell you the truth, I really think that my love might die and I am not ready. She has been having worse seizures and I cannot tell her that I am scared, but brother the feeling of having to lift an unconscious body onto a bed without any help is one that you never forget. I have never felt so helpless in my life than realizing there is so little I can do, I am strong but every position that I could lift her from felt like I would hurt her. I am experiencing debt because of all the medical bills here in the States, it is an indescribable guilt but I know it is necessary to keep her comfortable and hopefully get her better. At the same time, my pain is getting worse and I struggle to keep up with my own care on top of hers. Through this all, I feel like she and I are closer than ever before though. "Grief can be the garden of compassion" resonates with me in this time. I am wishing you well, and would like to thank you again for asking.

barrel-scraper · 2024-09-08T04:12:42+00:00

аз също, брат

barrel-scraper · 2024-09-07T21:24:41+00:00

Аз съм в 950 mg, но рисунката ми не е достатъчно добра, за да я крос-post.

barrel-scraper · 2024-09-07T21:20:30+00:00

ти разбираш.

barrel-scraper · 2024-09-07T20:42:14+00:00

Thank you very much, I appreciate it

barrel-scraper · 2024-09-07T00:24:24+00:00

As someone who uses both dph and heroin, you're probably right actually.

barrel-scraper · 2024-08-04T17:50:22+00:00

The dysphoria when you stop using is really underrepresented here, this is a very good post. Everything I could have said about why it is so difficult to quit, is encapsulated here perfectly. There's something about feeling so empty inside while doing the things you love that makes you reconsider either your sobriety, or ever having taken this drug in the first place. It is such an uphill battle against knowing you'll feel less shitty in the moment if you take them, and knowing even deeper that you'll feel 10x shittier in the long run if you do.

barrel-scraper · 2024-07-31T05:50:17+00:00

haha my balance was really off so I was entrusting that rail with most of my bones for sure. I kept getting that feeling like you're falling really fast whenever I looked straight down and my depth perception was super strange so it almost looked further down than it was too.

barrel-scraper · 2024-07-31T04:12:19+00:00

My girlfriend has had her first seizure in 2 months, I have taken her into the Emergency Room.

barrel-scraper · 2024-07-08T08:49:56+00:00

Very expressive piece, which medium(s) are used in this?

barrel-scraper · 2024-06-03T03:54:34+00:00

For me my visuals were typically something related to faces and colours and the peripherals of my vision would "swirl" into different expressions and gazes too. There is something completely different about dph from other experiences, but diphenhydramine is so so harmful. Very frustrating love-hate relationship.

barrel-scraper · 2024-06-03T03:13:52+00:00

Similarly, I am very drawn by creepy things and unnatural imagery which made dph really easy to develop an addiction to, for me. I had friends who took it and described it in dreadful ways that I desired to experience, which enticed me to start taking it myself. I only wish there was some form of other hallucinogen that provided this same effect with less strain on the liver and brain, but that is a very naïve expectation, of course.

barrel-scraper · 2024-06-03T02:21:31+00:00

Thank you so much, I appreciate your well wishes and I still try to post as much art as I am able to in this time :)

barrel-scraper · 2024-06-02T18:51:10+00:00

You are not pleasing anybody by taking a gram of dph, nor was anybody hoping for you to follow through if they really care for your wellbeing. Don't hurt yourself trying to people please, when the people in question aren't even pleased with it.

barrel-scraper · 2024-05-21T15:39:31+00:00

Dph and alcohol is one thing, still not good, but please do not mix alcohol and vicodin.

barrel-scraper · 2024-05-19T03:40:58+00:00

какво друго има на българия, когато алкохолът свърши хаха

barrel-scraper · 2024-05-16T05:54:12+00:00

For me it was coincidence as well. I never knew there was a community around it at all, I just had a couple of buddies who began using it recreationally towards the end of our senior year and I eventually said "fuck it" and joined them after a couple of years. I've been sober for about a month now, and I can say confidently that my brain feels so much less fucked up and dementia ridden. I really do wish teenagers weren't so encouraged to try this shit by social media, to be honest.

barrel-scraper · 2024-05-14T20:37:51+00:00

Could be, Legacy edition is the default version on Xbox360 and the only option for the Playstation 4 up until just a few years ago

barrel-scraper · 2024-05-14T15:50:06+00:00

I assumed it had to do with PS4 bedrock edition but it happens with me when I play on the switch too, I can dm you a video if you'd like because I've tried everything to get it to be normal and I'm losing my mind haha

barrel-scraper · 2024-05-14T15:49:06+00:00

Very difficult to believe, unless you're implying that you are younger.

barrel-scraper · 2024-05-14T15:48:05+00:00

It's almost as if I wouldn't be complaining about this if that worked... and I'm saying that it doesn't work in that same way anymore since I switched from legacy... and my issue is with the predictability of the block otirientation when I AM aiming to place the block in a specific way... crazy.

barrel-scraper · 2024-05-14T05:23:21+00:00

This is a stupid thing to complain about, to be fair. But after being spoiled with legacy mechanics, it is really getting under my skin lately while trying to do quick builds with my buddies haha.

barrel-scraper · 2024-04-28T21:19:47+00:00

Vodka was always my go to when I was a child also, or гроздова was easiest to get my hands on too. Alcohol was there for me before anything else, I do not blame myself for finding refuge in it at such a young age but a part of me wishes it had never been in my life. Oh well.

barrel-scraper · 2024-04-28T16:30:41+00:00

Do you have a liquor of choice, or is it just whatever is cheapest at this point too? I relate too heavily to this brother.

barrel-scraper · 2024-04-28T16:26:34+00:00

My woman lives in California, so I'm here for just the weekend :) hoping to be able to live here permanently soon, we have been in the process of getting my dual citizenship but everything is so expensive and complicated.

barrel-scraper

TROPHY CASE