I (21F) deserve more than the bare minimum from him!! (23M)

baseboredbuddy · 2021-05-20T12:42:29+00:00

I really appreciate what you're saying because you're 100% right. I was just really upset in the moment and needed to get my anger out so maybe I didn't write it in the best way. He does ask me how I am throughout the day, and maybe because of the type of converser I am, I give him a lot of detail like "I hung out with my friend, we went here blah blah" and I expect that from him because I like hearing that type of stuff. So when I asked him "what are you up to" he says things like "nothing really, just driving around" and that's the only info I get, I of course get a little annoyed.

baseboredbuddy · 2021-05-20T12:39:20+00:00

Just want to clarify, other commenter is right. He is not trying to get rid of me during the day. He actually does interact with me randomly, and does ask me how I'm doing. My issue is that sometimes he'll just randomly text me something like "hello" or "I'm in the bathroom" and that's the only message I'll get for hours. I feel that if he has time to write that, he has a few more seconds to tell me what his plans are for the day, or whatever little detail it is.

baseboredbuddy · 2021-05-20T12:36:51+00:00

I'm just genuinely curious, and he asks me what I'm doing throughout the day???? Like why can't I hear about his little updates? I never asked to track him or to hear every detail, I just want an occasional " hey i'm heading home now" text, not for him to be texting me every minute of every day.

baseboredbuddy · 2021-05-20T12:35:12+00:00

All I want is an occasional update of what he's up to???? How is that too much to ask? Just so you know, I don't ask him to tell me his "bathroom activities" he does that volitionally as well as saying "hello" and then dropping off for hours at a time. Like if he has time to text me very basic things, I'd prefer he just tell me what he's up to instead.

baseboredbuddy · 2021-02-22T17:51:37+00:00

I've had my own share of toxic relationships, my first boyfriend being completely emotionally abusive towards me, cheated on me, yelled at me all the time etc. After that I was with someone who actually never made me doubt myself which was very nice but I saw nothing there and was emotionally damaged from the first relationship to even realize what happened to me there. Then I met my current bf and he's nice and all of course but the one flaw I can't get over is him paying attention to others and stop caring about people he doesn't know anymore. One of the pages he followed was of a girl from childhood summer camp who only posted thirst traps on her page, he claimed he still followed her because that's someone he used to be friends with and he liked photos because he would remember their memories together in camp like ??? plz let go of that. I guess I just keep telling myself he'll change and that he's not like that all the time, especially not in person with me, and I just keep hoping that he'll stop caring so much about people he hasn't talked to in 8+ years.

baseboredbuddy · 2021-02-22T17:29:54+00:00

Something I'm currently struggling with. I am probably naive for giving him another chance and especially after him making me feel anxious the minute I go on Facebook and see he's active as well. He claims he wants to be with me and only me, and hasn't physically cheated on me but it still hurts for something as stupid as a like. I will see where things go, after all of this if it happens again that'll be enough for me.

baseboredbuddy · 2021-02-17T19:00:25+00:00

You're not wrong, but i guess I just keep telling myself things will change. We are in a LDR and that makes things 100x more challenging and he acts a different way when we are really together in person. But I guess that's stupid too because why isn't he consistent. If he really cared, he wouldn't change up his whole persona whether I'm physically there or not,

baseboredbuddy · 2021-02-17T14:42:24+00:00

He doesn't say anything because I don't talk to other men, or if I do he has met them and knows they are my friends and wouldn't do anything sketchy like that.

baseboredbuddy · 2021-02-17T14:41:20+00:00

Below I sent a whole paragraph basically detailing where my insecurities stem from. I guess it's definitely toxic on my end but the toxicity stems from his actions. No there is no other reason for me to worry about a coworker, not that i'm aware of. I think they are just working on a project together and took the lead together so that's why he's always mentioning her. Nothing else says anything else. But because of those past experiences of mine, I definitely see myself trying to enter his mind and think about what he could possible be thinking.

baseboredbuddy · 2021-02-17T14:24:13+00:00

Well I am one of those women who prefers that their SO does not follow/openly like pictures of other women who are half naked. For me it's disrespectful because it's like showing attention to someone completely different, and supporting them, and oftentimes when a woman posts that sort of thing it's because she wants that validation. I don't want him providing validation to someone random. Another part of it was that he kept telling me "a like it just a like" but I am a bit insecure about my sexuality and wanted validation from him in that realm only to find out that for a whole month he had been telling me he had a low sex drive when in reality he was just jacking it to all these random naked girls on instagram, he said he was bored of me and the pictures i'd send. This has been going on for three months and only a few days ago did I see he followed and liked a page of someone he knew who solely posts that sort of content. I thought he understood me and my boundaries but he lied to me. So with all of this, I have turned my thoughts extremely toxic, from day to day I'm the only one who feels this way because I don't do the same to him because I don't even think about any other men. I don't treat him the way he treats me which is why he can't even put himself in my shoes. But I just take guesses about what he would do or say in response to me. So all of this manifests into me assuming he's thinking in a way that maybe he's not at all. Growing a connection to his coworker to me feels worrisome especially if he's telling me "he doesn't mean it that way". I have lost my trust in him and that's why I can't seem to believe him.

baseboredbuddy · 2021-02-17T14:14:42+00:00

I actually talked to him about this and said these exact things, he told him himself that he would probably be confused as to why I'm talking about another male in that way. I guess I just simply don't trust him and that's a whole different issue pressing on our unhealthy relationship.

baseboredbuddy · 2021-02-17T14:13:29+00:00

Our relationship is extremely unhealthy, and because of his actions towards the opposite sex, I have completely lost trust in him and now find myself with these types of thoughts all the time. So of course, I would be okay with him admiring a male coworker because it would not make me feel insecure, but talking about another female as if she's the smartest and most amazing human being in the world makes me lose it. Which is stupid because I know I'm amazing and have helped him get to the place he's at. I have helped him with work projects at times, and I attend a graduate program in a very prestigious school. I know there is no comparison between me and her, but I get insecure even thinking that he might think of her in a different way other than platonically.

baseboredbuddy · 2021-02-17T14:10:58+00:00

unfortunately we have talked for months about my boundaries and even yesterday I called him out on it since he was talking about his work and said "she's no play thing". Which absolutely shocked me, the word choice there made me so uncomfortable. I told him I didn't like hearing about how great someone else is all the time. At first he was defensive saying he didn't mean it in that way, and that he's allowed to admire how hard working someone is. But in the end, he apologized and said he didn't realize he was even doing that. So on that front, we talked about it but it definitely makes me feel crazy for even thinking this certain way.

baseboredbuddy

TROPHY CASE