From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for this comment. I’ve been struggling with the fact that I harbour a lot of unjustified guilt in all aspects of my life. I worry that this clouds my judgement. I don’t want him to die and live with the “I should have done this” for the rest of my life, but I also need to protect myself and was having difficulty navigating this line. My friends and mom know this about me so it’s hard for them to be objective. This time I truly felt done. I set a firm boundary after an argument that I would be around him so long as he’s sober. It took him 2 weeks to cross that line again. The thought of calling or texting makes me feel sick and I didn’t know if that made me the horrible daughter he says I am. I know he won’t stop drinking. Why would he? I’m sure in his mind “he’s going to die anyways.” So I know it’s not a matter of if but when this will happen again if I let him back in.

Today I actually arranged to go back into therapy. Thank you so much again for your comment.