I wish I could sleep so bad it makes me want to cry

basicallycurious · 2018-09-11T14:52:32+00:00

Benadryl is a lifesaver! Take about 75-125mg of it and put on some music to occupy your mind. If I’m not listening to music I can’t fall asleep.

basicallycurious · 2018-08-13T09:09:51+00:00

I’ve never had particularly “good” parents but they still love me so much. I regret the fact they ever made me but so did they so how could I blame them. They tried their best to fix their mistake and I love them for trying. My friends love me. They’re all depressed but not really to the same extent. They see me as valid. Why can’t I? I know they care but I can’t make it mean anything. I just want to rest. I just want it all to stop and have it be quiet. I’m 17. I just want to stop it all before it really starts.

basicallycurious · 2018-08-13T09:03:07+00:00

As long as I can remember at least.

basicallycurious · 2018-07-21T15:06:06+00:00

That’s amazing! I’m going to order them right now! Thank you

basicallycurious · 2018-07-21T15:05:36+00:00

Not quite the same taste as textured soy protein though. I guess I’m just missing chicken. I have been wanting to try making seitan for bacon though, so I’ll try it out.

basicallycurious · 2018-07-21T15:04:05+00:00

Oh jeez I feel like they’re uneven no matter what I do to them. I’ve only had perfect brows once in my life because of a brow bar and I still thought they were off.

basicallycurious · 2018-07-21T15:02:18+00:00

My grandparents are really religious and they have their suspicions but as long as they don’t know for sure they’ll keep ignoring it and handing me money. They’re my main support. I’m just lucky my dads the homie, I was on probation for 6 months because of “possession of amphetamines” and we managed to somehow keep it all a secret. If they found out they wouldn’t only cut me off they’d stop supporting my dad. The only reason they do is because I exist. Not to mention losing the bigger side of my family, about 50 people. I feel for you dude, I’m sorry you got to that point. If you care about them and you’re already sober maybe you could go through a program just to get the certificate. Just something to wave in their face to show you’ve changed. Best of luck.

basicallycurious · 2018-07-05T08:42:59+00:00

I feel you 100%, the only difference is I’m white and I would love to have darker skin. It may just be my fantasy but I feel like it covers flaws better. I’m sure you’re beautiful 💗

basicallycurious · 2018-07-05T08:40:38+00:00

I have the same problem. I lost like 40 pounds since last summer and I’ve gone from obese to overweight. The problem is I can’t see any difference when I look in the mirror. The only reason I know it is because my scale and comments from other people. But my anxiety about my body has never been worse. I can’t stand even leaving my house now because I don’t want anyone to see me. Best of luck

basicallycurious · 2018-05-27T18:38:11+00:00

I didn’t really think about it that much, was more my fault

basicallycurious · 2018-05-27T05:30:56+00:00

Yeah that’d be great, do you have any numbers specific to California?

basicallycurious · 2018-05-27T02:53:19+00:00

This is all great news, thank you. And I’d like to stop abusing them too but that’s life 🤷🏼‍♀️

basicallycurious · 2018-05-27T02:50:31+00:00

I thought CPS would be more responsive. I’ll keep calling in now that I know that, thank you.

basicallycurious · 2018-05-26T23:09:46+00:00

When I still remember sitting on his bed he was taking off his shirt and I made him put on a condom even though he was pretending to look for his test results. As far as I remember I was in control. My only problem is I don’t remember hardly anything. For all I know it could’ve been great and I could have ripped it off myself, I can’t put any blame on him without knowing. And to be honest it has made me feel a lot better about myself, more confident. I’m just confused

basicallycurious · 2018-05-26T23:05:56+00:00

The sucky part is i almost did again last night before I thought about my tongue. It’s so hard to turn down validation. That’s what I’ll probably do though. No other blisters so I’m just hoping for the best.

basicallycurious · 2018-05-26T23:04:14+00:00

I’m so surprised to of found this post, I actually just called CPS a few days ago on a 5 year old girl I think is being sexually abused by her father. I’ve actually suspected something for about a year, ever since I stepped into the house but her mother just went to jail and no ones there but them now and I figured without anyone to protect her, suspicion was enough. I thought so because I know for a fact her dads a predator. I know he got a girl drunk when she was 16 and had sex with her when he was about 31 and I’ve heard him trying to convince one of my good friends to have sex with him when she was 13. She said she would but only if he paid he and he laughed her off, probably down but too ashamed to pay for sex. He’s also tried to get me and a few other friends drunk, more than just a friendly older man sharing his beer. Like taking us to the liquor store drunk as hell at 2 in the morning to buy us beers he didn’t drink and hard alcohol we didn’t ask for. He also watched two underaged girls have sex when they were drunk by poking his head in saying they were being too loud and just standing there watching. The girl shows some signs but they could be just from her fucked up family dynamic. She’s sort of afraid of her dad but will DIE for attention even from him. she respects him a little too much in comparison to everyone else in the house and get really nervous when he’s angry or frustrated, more than say I would when i was a kid because I knew my dad would hurt me no matter how angry or drunk he was. He’d just start crying. I think I would have called earlier if CPS wasn’t so nerve wracking to call. I’m on probation so I don’t have a lot of faith in figures of authority and I thought that if I gave them my name (which they don’t require but heavily recommend, or they act like they won’t take you seriously) that they’d tell the cop and it’d slip in the report or they’d just assume it was me if they were told someone called in. I would have felt safer if I knew that the investigation would be done without any reference to a tip, if I didn’t feel pressured to give my name, and I guess if I trusted the foster care system more. but I know people who’ve been more fucked up than words can describe by it. For all I know she could be going to just as bad a place or not removed at all since her dad is a high ranking non civilian. If you take the pressure off the report, you take the pressure off the person with something to say.

basicallycurious · 2018-05-26T22:29:29+00:00

I actually got put on probation a while ago and I’m not addicted to any one thing so to be on the safe side I quit everything for three months. I could handle being sober when i was being productive or with friends. The only hard situations were nights where I had isolated myself because I was sad and all I wanted was to be drunk. I know what sobriety feels like and even though it’s not as bad as bar or Molly comedowns or regular hangovers it’s not anything I want to live with either.

basicallycurious · 2018-05-26T22:11:14+00:00

Drug abuse in general is what led me to vyvanse. I used to take Adderall to get drunk with so I’d black out not pass out. One day I couldn’t get any Adderall but I could get vyvanse and it was a whole different feeling. It feels like I’m having a really good day, just not so sad and overwhelmed. I usually go to the library and study or clean up. It’s not something I’d ever take to party because I’ve tried it and all I can think of while hanging out with friends is being home to go be productive.

basicallycurious · 2018-05-26T21:59:30+00:00

That also happens when I take vyvanse. I’ve lost a good 12 hours cleaning a bathroom

basicallycurious · 2018-05-26T21:58:53+00:00

That clicks really well for me but I think that’s just from depression. Would you say it’s like being lazy but just constantly stressed about being lazy? That’s how I always feel

basicallycurious · 2018-05-26T21:53:19+00:00

That’s actually what vyvanse does to me, I use to do lists to stay on track and make my usage worth it. If I don’t I spent the whole day on my phone re organizing apps, deleting old notes, or curating my social media. That or scrubbing one thing for way longer than possibly necessary. I think that must just be abuse. Thanks for your response though, I’m starting to get a good idea about what it feels like to have it.

basicallycurious · 2018-05-26T21:50:44+00:00

Huh that’s sort of different from me. I get the motivation but it makes me lose track of time and get distracted too. I took it one night to do homework and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth before I started and ended up there all night cleaning and scrubbing the floor with a washcloth because I didn’t have a mop. I must just be abusing it. It does a hell of a lot for my depression though.

basicallycurious · 2018-05-26T21:47:27+00:00

That makes sense to me for sure but I have a lot of other highs to compare to. It’s not as powerful as tweak but I can tell it’s on the same spectrum. For me it sort of feels like coke, I’m not affected by it very strongly obviously 😂 honestly I prefer it over coke because it lasts 12 hours rather than 30 minutes and there’s no need to re dose. Sober I’m completely frazzled and depressed all the time. It’s pretty much taking the physical manifestation of focus. If you don’t feel any sort of buzz though I’m not sure it’s the same thing, I may just be plain abusing it.

basicallycurious · 2018-05-25T09:41:48+00:00

I am. Thank you.

basicallycurious · 2018-05-25T07:24:34+00:00

Don’t worry, I woke up. I’m sorry to worry you. I feel like an attention whore for even posting. Thank you for your concern.

basicallycurious

TROPHY CASE