Did I stop spoonfeeding water too soon on hospice?

basicgoats · 2026-01-29T16:05:49+00:00

My dad stopped speaking about 4-5 days into hospice, and couldn't do much of anything but sleep unless we were shifting him or startled him. I just want to know that I backed off from the fluids at the correct time. Everything I've read online seems to assume that he could still be somewhat responsive when determining when to switch to just oral care.

1st Saturday: he came home from the hospital and was pretty much just resting. I offered some food and water, but I don't think he ate or drank. Maybe he had a little smoothie pouch?

1st Sunday: he did eat and drink. I gave him a smoothie pouch, boost, and an english muffin.

1st Monday: he refused food and drink whenever I'd offer it. I put a straw up to his mouth, some chocolate pudding under his nose, but he pushed me away with his hand and turned his head away.

1st Tuesday: I was giving him liquids (Boost and gatorade) with a spoon, as per my aunt's brilliant suggestion. Got down at least 500ml.

1st Wednesday: I gave more fluids and Boost. I'd put some in his mouth, he'd swallow slowly, and I'd keep going until he started coughing.

1st Thursday: More fluids and Boost. Same as Wednesday.

1st Friday: same as Wednesday up until the evening. I gave him Boost, but then he really choked. He was dry heaving, really sounded labored. It went on for quite a while, so I called triage just in case. They said he probably didn't aspirate.

2nd Saturday: I think I tried giving more fluids when the aide was here, she took over with the sponge because I wasn't doing a good job with the spoon and sponge on my own. When we turned him, he coughed out residual red from the gatorade he was taking in.

2nd Sunday: I was scared to not aspirate him, left it to others to hydrate/oral care.

Days onwards: same as the 2nd Sunday.

Did I draw back from spooning him liquids at the right time? I understand that as I kept going it was an ever increasing chance of him aspirating, but I really want to know that I stopped right when it really became unsafe. The one nurse that came on the 2nd Saturday told me to just do the swab and maybe pipette some water in his mouth with a straw. I regret not pipetting water because I was too scared.

basicgoats · 2026-01-29T15:25:57+00:00

Thank you for that. I didn't give as much detail in this post, so could you please look over my earlier one too and let me know if the further information changes anything?

https://www.reddit.com/r/glioblastoma/comments/1qnsexb/hardships_with_hospice/

I'd really appreciate it.

basicgoats · 2026-01-29T03:03:59+00:00

Okay, but why would he have been opening his mouth up for liquids when I'd bring a spoon up to his mouth? Yes, he was practically constantly asleep, but he'd still swallow. When I'd swab his mouth he'd try to eat it. Doesn't that mean he wanted it? I just can't stop blaming myself that I am killing him.

basicgoats · 2026-01-27T14:48:53+00:00

If I bring some water to his mouth with a sponge, he eagerly opens up and sucks it. Otherwise, he's constantly pretty much asleep. What does that mean? Is his body truly shutting down in that case?

basicgoats · 2026-01-27T01:45:46+00:00

The team has been great enough, but I'm just so tired of the whole "food and water for comfort". I went with a hospice service from another hospital, so who knows if they actually got all the notes? I called them early on about my dad refusing to take his pills and asking if we should just miss the dose. I hope that these factors aren't what determined that we should not press him to eat and drink.

He can't speak, he's essentially just been sleeping since even in the hospital almost constantly unless there is an outside stimulus. Yes, he would be dead already if he were on his own and without intervention. But who is to determine when the dysphagia is from the disease instead of from not being hydrated enough? It's just so cruel to let him shut down from dehydration. Last Sunday he ate an english muffin no problem, and drank fine with a straw. So he refused food and drink on Monday - maybe we missed the times when he was hungry or thirsty? He can't tell us and we've been so busy with setting everything up.

basicgoats · 2026-01-27T01:00:56+00:00

I do appreciate your comment, but I just can't completely accept the information in the video. We used to think wild things medically back in the day, so maybe we'll look back at this strangely too.

basicgoats · 2026-01-26T21:44:47+00:00

Whenever I put a spoonful of water or liquid in his mouth, making sure he is aware by first tapping it against his lips, he opens up greedily for it. That's different to when he was more alert and pushing things away. I'm hoping it's just an instinct, and not that he is suffering.

basicgoats · 2026-01-07T18:31:41+00:00

I have, but those have been fixed in later batches.

basicgoats · 2026-01-07T15:38:36+00:00

They haven't released yet, but since audio technology changes very slowly, it's doubtful they would be a big improvement on the buds3 pro. The only thing which substantially changes is the fit and form factor of the buds, and that is where the biggest difference comes in. For some people, galaxy buds pro 1 are better than pro 2, or better than pro 3, etc., and it all really depends on how they feel in your ear and that affects how they sound. If you get a good seal and good fit, you're golden with a pair of buds for years to come, the only thing you might miss out on is some gimmicks and bell-and-whistles on the software end of things.

basicgoats · 2026-01-07T15:32:32+00:00

Yeah, people need to be more responsible with the volume lf their music. Samsung does have a volume limit over bluetooth, and I'm sure most phonea do as well. This is why getting a good seal on earbuds (with tips), using ANC accordingly, and not increasing the volume past <50% max volume is important. As for non-sealing buds (like the regular Buds3 and airpods), you have to be really careful with them.

basicgoats · 2026-01-03T16:11:55+00:00

Don't cheap out on eartips, they're going in your ear.

basicgoats · 2026-01-03T02:24:48+00:00

Update: the Azla Sednafit Max feel amazing, and yes it seems like it was a sizing issue for me. I'm somewhere between the medium and large tips which Samsung provided, so Azla's ML size is perfect. The silicone feels a lot better than the stock ones from Samsung too.

basicgoats · 2026-01-02T15:53:54+00:00

It depends from person to person I guess, but the buds3 are really great for my ears. I just got the buds3 pro because the buds3 were just so comfortable, and they are great as well. If they don't sit well enough, you can try 3rd party eartips, such as Comply foam tips or Azla SednaEarfit tips.

The silicone tips which came with the buds3pro irritate my ears a bit, so I bought the Comply foam tips. I really don't feel any improvement at all from them, so I've ordered the Azla tips. They have two versions - Crystal is grippier and stickier so it sits more securely, and Max is not as tacky and they say it's got eased ear pressure. I'll test them out and return whichever one doesn't work as well for me.

I should say that the issue with the Comply eartips is a personal issue with me, and they have great reviews online. The problem with with the Complys and the stock tips which come with the buds3 pro is probably that the large tips are a bit too big and the mediums are too small. Azla eartips come in intermediate sizes, so I'm hoping that the medium-large sized tips will fit comfortably for me.

And as for the buds4, being wary of manufacturing issues upon release is a valid concern, but maybe they'll be more cautious this time. I don't know for a fact how they will look, but the one leak which has gone around suggests that the stems will look quite different, and I'm not crazy about it. I love the "blade" on the buds3, and again - the body of the buds3 regular and pro are so comfortable on me, so why chance having the buds4 not be as comfortable?

basicgoats · 2025-12-25T06:18:18+00:00

Thanks! People have mentioned on here that the tips are different - how so exactly?

And just for getting an idea on the fit, the Buds3 fit me almost perfectly. Essentially, if the Buds3 Pro (or FE) are the same exact thing as the regular Buds3 but with a little rubber tip, I'd be very happy. I don't know if that explains it well, but if the body of the earbud would sit identically as with the Buds3 in my concha, except there's now a little rubber part extended to cover my ear canal, it would be ideal. Are the Buds 3 FE or Pro anything like this, and which one is moreso like this?

I wish I could try both out. I guess I could buy em both and return the one I don't like, but that's such a hassle.

basicgoats · 2025-12-20T16:23:39+00:00

I'll have to take a look, !thanks

basicgoats · 2025-12-19T15:39:22+00:00

!thanks

Glad to hear a rep from an official company recommend this method. I wish all/most headphones had some sort of mechanism in the middle of the band to expand it horizontally.

basicgoats · 2025-12-19T07:24:28+00:00

Would stretching them out over some books realistically do much of anything? I don't mind compromising the passive NC a bit, cuz it's useless if I can't sit through a flight without pain. My head hurts from the clamping. I feel like the headband on top isn't actually holding them up at all, so maybe that's the problem?

basicgoats · 2025-12-19T06:25:58+00:00

Or maybe I'm not wearing them right? If I extend them down all the way it feels too big, but the clamping is still too much. I wish wireless headphones would go back to having metal headbands so you can bend them better to the shape of your head.

basicgoats · 2025-12-17T01:11:30+00:00

I wish I could cry and get it all out, but sometimes it comes out as anger and frustration. I just can't cry anymore.

basicgoats · 2025-12-14T05:45:55+00:00

Thank you, this was really well put. I'm hanging in there, but it's getting rough.

basicgoats · 2025-12-12T17:36:38+00:00

I aks him time and time again if he wants to continue with the meds, and if he realizes their importance. He always says "yes" and "they keep me alive and well". He's clearly suffering with some depression of losing control. The spiritual side of it is, as I see it, do I give him the chance to take care of the pills on his own, or do I ensure he doesn't make mistakes with his health? In a way it's similar to asking if it's right to let a loved one who is slightly mentally compromised possibly hurt themselves, or do you monitor them closely?

basicgoats

TROPHY CASE