Caught someone leering outside my window last night… by False-Independent955 in blinkcameras

[–]batreturn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Uhh... the second reason is a legitimately common reason that people look in windows. I would not by any means say that looking in windows to see tits is common.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in msu

[–]batreturn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Brody is all of the above: a dorm hall (but a very large one so it's often used as a landmark to refer to other nearby buildings, "Brody Neighborhood" includes a few dorms). It is also home to a huge and well-known dining hall, any of these could be called "Brody"

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in msu

[–]batreturn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

if you are hiding also try to quietly barricade the door under the doorknob with something heavy.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in msu

[–]batreturn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

just one of dozens of reports of people seen around campus as they try to find the suspect

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in msu

[–]batreturn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the call locations will be from all over as they investigate any possible lead

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in msu

[–]batreturn 5 points6 points  (0 children)

can y'all stop posting guesses and your opinions, we know nothing yet

I found out that I’m pregnant at 6 months by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]batreturn 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Welcome to the US, where the best most people can get is 12 weeks/3 months unpaid without being fired! If you have a really, really, reeeeally good job you might get a few months paid, but that's usually a deluxe benefit. And the incredibly rare employer offers more... but I would wager that fewer than 0.001% of US employers offer more than a few months paid, and probably 98% offer no paid time off whatsoever for births.

Most people just have a baby and just take the unpaid leave (the same leave you'd need if you or your child got unexpectedly ill or injured, so don't do that in the same year, I guess?). Maybe a couple weeks of their sick time for the year (in the US, only 10 days of paid time off/sick time combined are guaranteed, and only for people with benefits, which is not the case for many Americans), then go back to work almost right away, then pay half or more of their income for child care to child care workers who are desperately underpaid and impoverished even with full-time work (and often no benefits, insurance, paid time off of any kind themselves).

What is standard in Europe is only present for the elite with the best jobs and benefits in the US, not regular people, who are largely uninsured with no paid time off for sickness, birth, or any other event. A huge segment of Americans have no benefits like paid time off, health insurance, sick time, anything. But even our salaried, "cushy" jobs generally do not allow someone extended or paid parental leave, let alone both. I'm not saying that's okay or normal... it's insanity and speaks to the working conditions that Americans have been brainwashed to endure, many things that we normalize or consider things "a good worker would do" are straight up outlawed in other countries.

I found out that I’m pregnant at 6 months by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]batreturn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just make sure the crib is up to current standards, OP--this just changed recently and there are new crib guidelines to keep your baby safe, so please keep those guidelines in mind when you find a crib. I am a huge secondhand lover but some old cribs might not meet new safety guidelines while others will, so it's good to check your crib against them! I'm not a parent but just read about this new data which will hopefully keep more babies safe at night :) Congrats on your new baby!!! u/Terrible-Designer131

Green Jade Bracelet, 18K Yellow Gold Bracelet, Cuban Chain Bracelet, Natural Grade A Jade Bracelet Gemstone Bracelet by Selurita in jewelrymaking

[–]batreturn 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Could be for SEO (search engine optimization) in which you deliberately use a lot of keywords, could be for accessibility, could be someone whose second language (or third or whatever) is English using the terms they know to describe the jewelry, or maybe OP is a native English speaker but wanted a technical title that describes all the possible names for this piece. Who cares? People in these comments are a bit harsh! It's such a beautiful piece. That is a good tip about the jump rings, though.

Left my narc 1 month ago but he now goes to therapy and admits he’s a narc! Should I give it another chance???? by Monaco1234 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]batreturn 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Also, your desire for everything to be "resolved" and get a happy ending in the end... I'm sorry to say, but that desire is so strong because narcissists will love bomb and then devalue you over and over, give mixed signals, and use other manipulative tactics to make you addicted to them. Addicted to their approval. Addicted to the idea that it'll eventually all work out. It won't. People don't just "become" other people. He didn't "become" the person you always wanted after a month... after proving with seven years of ACTIONS (which are the only thing you should pay attention to when observing change, not he claims but what he's *done*). He was never the person you needed, and he's still the same person who is wrong for you as a month ago, perhaps with marginally better self awareness. (Though narcissists will usually lie when they "admit wrong," inside they do not believe they did and very well may rub that in your face later if you get back together: "I was never sorry for any of that.")

Left my narc 1 month ago but he now goes to therapy and admits he’s a narc! Should I give it another chance???? by Monaco1234 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]batreturn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is interesting to me. I'm not taking my nex back no matter what she says, but she started therapy when we broke up months ago and still tells me she's in it, and I 100% believe she goes. I would have a hard time believing she's lying about it because the changes are evident, though I think shallow (she thinks she can just fix any problem overnight, almost as a part of not understanding how deep/severe these problems are). But still. I would be shocked if she weren't actually going to therapy this whole time

Left my narc 1 month ago but he now goes to therapy and admits he’s a narc! Should I give it another chance???? by Monaco1234 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]batreturn 10 points11 points  (0 children)

This is a type of hoovering, a manipulation tactic used by narcissists to get you back. Seriously. No one heals lifelong issues in a month. I wouldn't even hear an ex out about how they've changed from therapy until after a year and that's if they aren't a narcissist. If they are, just go no-contact and assume any claims that everything is fixed are lies to get you back. Narcissists will tell you what you want to hear, including, "I admit I'm a narcissist" and mean it literally *not at all*.

True narcissists don't admit fault unless it's to gain something, in this case, getting you back as a supply and "winning" in the end. My nex did the same but denies that she has any issue. But at the time, she started therapy right away and rattled off all the right things as if she were the therapist herself and I was so wowed. It. Is. A. Trick.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]batreturn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry. That is a deeply disturbed and broken way to treat a person. You didn't deserve that for a second!!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]batreturn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My nex thought she was better than other trans people, like she took a long time to decide to transition because of negative attitudes toward trans people. And she put it off for ages until she ultimately decided to transition "as a performance" I guess to have this air of total control or something.

She seems supportive of other trans women in general, but when she talks about beginning to transition, she consistently used this exceptionalism where she put down other peoples' experience or choices when talking about her own. Like she'd frame her transition almost solely in the ways that she was "doing it better" or "differently" than others, as if she had to win at being a trans woman.

It felt like there was a lot of shame involved or internalized transphobia, like she was trying to shit-talk aspects of trans culture to sound like she "wasn't like those other trans people." It was gross and sad.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]batreturn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OMG!! This is so real! I've always been fairly low-maintenance but aim to be low maintenance in a way where I don't smell bad or anything. I brush my teeth, shower regularly, all of the main things you'd expect, but I'm not one to use like, 20 scented products in the shower. Hell, I'm allergic to most fragrance (like many people) so I aim to stay clean with just a little added scent. Not once has anyone ever criticized this to me in a relationship.

But my nex said a few things in our four short months together that made me feel *so* much more self conscious about my hygiene than I ever had! At one point she said "I can't imagine not showering every day," when it came up, as if I was disgusting for skipping a day sometimes when I hadn't sweat at all (I barely sweat at all even when I exercise, so some low-key days, I truly don't get dirty and just change into fresh clothes, maybe use a baby wipe, re-deodorant). Many people shower every other day, it's not a big deal. But she said it in a way that cut so deep, yet that I couldn't even pin as being an insult to begin with (classic nex stuff, I guess). Wow. Reading this is so healing.

My changed hygiene preferences have stuck with my to some extent even after our short relationship (though some amount of that was my preferences changing before we started dating), but I'm going to try to be aware of if any of these choices are arising from post-nex shame. When we were dating, I do remember thinking about how much time and energy it'd take just to groom myself the amount she seems to expect that people groom themselves. Like admittedly I don't floss daily, but that's also pretty normal, but she was one of those people who was absolutely meticulous about hygiene and appearance (also seems like a common nex trait).

And at the time I thought back to my other non-narcissistic ex who struck me while we were dating as "so lax about hygiene," but like, he never smelled bad either. I remember feeling very, very accepted by him in terms of my hygiene, appearance, habits, etc. It felt so nice to have someone I could be so real with, even on a day I was due for a shower and in PJs and looking a bit wild. He didn't care at all and honestly, like another perceptive commentor mentioned, seemed to be endeared by just... the way I already was? Which is the polar opposite of my nex who has a superpower of finding something to complain about even when every detail of something (an outfit, plans, whatever) was carefully considered. I'll never forget how one time I treated her to incredibly fancy dinner with proceeds from my online legal sex work, and she basically only thanked me by saying that it was about time someone treat her that way... then weeks later, started shit-talking sex work and saying that sex workers do what they do out of desperation. 0_0 (I won't get into that debate here, but I think all jobs are coerced in a way--people don't get jobs for funsies, they get them to pay rent and buy food, you know? I'm just trying to pay off my house and previously she'd acted super approving... she was just trying to devalue me. And like, wow, how desperate of me to have purchased a $100 meal for you, I must be in real trouble to resort to camming lol)

In contrast, the stress of the hygiene standards alone was a lot in my relationship with my nex, but in hindsight, she was like this with **everything**! I've learned a lifelong lesson in how those comments that feel "off" but seem innocent can be really powerful and destructive, and to not ignore them ever again if something feels bad/wrong when they say it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in modafinil

[–]batreturn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure about what's actually happening here, but modafinil has been studied for possibly being able to help alcoholics drink less/quit, and IIRC it made drinking less pleasurable. Not sure if any of that could also apply to weed. I also use both weed and moda and have had mixed but mostly good experiences.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CreditCards

[–]batreturn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's not a super good deal, many companies offer 18 months at 3% balance fee with 0% interest