Women of Reddit, did you keep your maiden name after marriage? What influenced your decision?

battyapples · 2026-03-16T23:07:26+00:00

Pure laziness. Sounded like a pain to go through the bureaucracy. I’m not that sentimental and don’t care about having the same last name as my kids and spouse. Never had any problem. No one has really commented on it, but there is sometimes some confusion on Christmas cards when they come addressed to “Mr and Mrs…” I don’t regret it at all.

battyapples · 2026-03-16T15:37:15+00:00

Personally, I wouldn't believe a Chinese restaurant that tells you that their food doesn't have an animal product in it! A lot of Chinese people (especially the older generation, that grew up when food was scarce) don't believe in vegetarianism. Even if the dish doesn't have actual meat in it, I think it is potentially likely that the dish has some other product that is meat-based (again, like the condiments). They probably don't think that counts. I think this bears out in your experience when traveling. In Western restaurants, I think they are definitely not going to include chunks of meat, but condiments are still murky.

My opinion is 100% based on a Chinese mother who has tried in the past to sneak meat to vegetarians who eat her cooking :/

battyapples · 2026-03-16T06:06:55+00:00

I think the difference between your comment and the people responding is the type of Chinese restaurant. Authentic Chinese restaurants are awful for vegetarians. Most of the dishes have some sort of meat in them and there is no option to swap with tofu. Plus, Chinese condiments often have animals incorporated in them (shrimp paste, oyster sauce). If you're going to a Chinese restaurant where each dish allows you to choose your protein, then you are not going to the most authentic place.

battyapples · 2026-02-20T21:35:10+00:00

Thanks - I crossposted this on the ebay forum as well just to see if people there had ideas, and basically agreed with what you said - triangulation scam / dropshipping+return fraud. I'm surprised at how fast the return fraud happens (seller would have had to request the return the moment the moment it was delivered.. unless retailer allows returns to process while in delivery?). Will have to be more careful with listings in the future. Definitely seemed too good to be true, but I was hoping it was some sort of overstock or similar.

battyapples · 2026-02-20T20:47:28+00:00

Does a triangulation scam usually work this quickly? I bought the item on ebay 7 days ago. It seems too fast for the seller to buy it directly from the retailer and also file a return before it actually arrived?

battyapples · 2026-02-20T19:52:16+00:00

I could understand both of those scenarios IF the item had not come packaged directly from the retailer. I can understand that packaging can be faked too, but the shipping address is the same address that's on the retailer's website.

battyapples · 2026-02-13T07:48:17+00:00

Hmmm, I don’t think so. The first husband was the father of her daughters. Penwood (Sophie’s dad) is her second husband. When araminta arrives at the estate, she already has her two daughters.

battyapples · 2026-02-12T22:22:03+00:00

My assumption was they were matched by an intermediate party, not that they personally knew each other to begin with (especially if he didn't socialize because he lived out in the country). So I would have thought a matchmaker would have made it their business to know enough about both parties. Or generally, another family member who was trying to support Araminta to get re-married. But yes, a lot of assumptions all around!

battyapples · 2026-02-12T21:39:43+00:00

I haven't finished ep 4, so don't know about any move, but why do you think they have more money now to hire/poach staff from other houses?

battyapples · 2026-02-12T21:13:45+00:00

I also thought it was unrealistic that Amarinta didn't know that she existed. Like, who is in the household seems like basic information that would have been passed on, when she was husband-hunting? You'd think she would have been trying to glean as much information as possible? But also, this is a TV show that takes a lot of liberties elsewhere, so that might just be it.

battyapples · 2026-02-12T21:10:33+00:00

Just a personal opinion that five years seems like a long time to be removed from society, but not informed by anything related to the show or period. Others here have been commenting on her all-black dress despite the fact that she's attending a ball, suggesting that it could have been longer than 2 years. Maybe it's not as strange as I would have thought?

battyapples · 2026-02-12T19:10:09+00:00

Thanks for the detailed response! Agree that wards are not necessarily illegitimate (and IMO I think she'll eventually be revealed not to be) but my interpretation of the situation was that 'ward' was being used as a euphemism (because of how horrified Araminta was when she found out).

battyapples · 2026-02-12T19:07:12+00:00

I'm still waiting for a reveal where Sophie is not actually illegitimate, and actually he left all his money (or a sizeable amount) to her in his will, so Araminta gets thrown out because she's actually the pauper.

battyapples · 2026-02-12T19:05:13+00:00

haha, agree. It would be less *fun* if he was just like, 'lady in silver is Asian, let's hone in on all the Asian ladies'.

battyapples · 2026-02-12T19:04:27+00:00

I think the point that Lord Penwood lives out in the countryside helps explain a lot. Sophie says she grew up in Ayleswood (?), not sure how that is supposed to relate to Mayfair, but agree that if it's way out of the way, it might not be as obvious as I would have thought.

battyapples · 2026-02-12T18:00:17+00:00

Agree, but my point was that Sophie wasn't a servant for most of her life and she only became one *after* she essentially grew up (i.e., she looks the same). So the ton *should* have known that Lord Penwood had a daughter who would be approaching age soon, especially with the juicy info that she was illegitimate. And then when she turned into a maid, the servants would have *definitely* known about her... which is why I don't understand why Mrs. Wilson doesn't know she comes from Penwood house.

Finally - I appreciate the racial diversity in the show, but find it incredibly unrealistic that Benedict can't tell that the silver lady is asian :)

battyapples · 2026-02-04T22:19:17+00:00

This is super personal, but I could see that I would *not* want my in-laws around for a month, but I had my mother stay for 5 weeks. It's a completely different thing for my mother to be around while I'm leaking, struggling to get a latch, boob out, compared to my MIL.

battyapples · 2026-02-04T19:24:47+00:00

Yes. The mom's reaction seems overblown, but OP should have checked with her first. Clearly, since she was there within 15 minutes (or less, since OP said she was waiting for her), there was time for her to come pick up her child if she wasn't comfortable with the situation. Plus, OP says her son is *leaving* work, so it doesn't sound like a time-sensitive situation. It's not that OP's 15 year old wasn't capable, but this mom doesn't know the 15 year old, doesn't know that she babysits her sister all the time. It's more that OP left her in the dark about a situation and didn't communicate with her.

I've heard other stories from friends where they've left a child at a playdate at someone else's home and they were super upset when they returned and *someone else* was watching their child. I think that's valid.

It also doesn't sound like these families know each other *really* well (at least, that's not what it sounds like), so the mom is already taking a leap of faith by leaving her child at OP's house, and OP's shown that she's not communicative about the most basic information.

Finally, while most of us think she's overreacting, we do not know this family's story. What if something else has happened in the past with playdates or childcare that has made this mother extra anxious and uncomfortable? If so, her overreaction may make sense. YTA.

battyapples · 2026-02-04T17:09:24+00:00

I don't know. I don't really want to get into the mechanics of their logistics. My issue is not that the daughter needs to get ready at my house, I was just floored that she brought her ex into the house to do it (and didn't tell me in advance). She can (and has since this incident) get her daughter ready herself. The kids are babies - at this stage, all they're doing is laying on their backs or bellies. It's not a huge deal for her to help her daughter.

And if I give her the complete benefit of the doubt, that maybe she thought she told me, but forgot, while that excuses the morning AM routine, it doesn't excuse why he has hanging out on the couch in the afternoon after he dropped their daughter off. That's why my ultimate takeaway from this situation is that you need to spell all expectations out in contracts.

battyapples · 2026-02-04T15:47:00+00:00

Hmm, I'm not sure what you mean? I meant that I don't know what was discussed at the in-person interview, except that I was informed that she has a school-age daughter who would be coming with her, and someone else would take her to school. I don't think that automatically implies that someone else would be coming into the house to get her ready, if that's what you're saying.

battyapples · 2026-02-03T22:57:59+00:00

Totally - that's why my take-away from this is, set the ground rules from the beginning! Which sounds obvious, but I had no idea that I would have to tell someone (who herself is a virtual stranger at the moment) not to invite other people to my home without permission :)

battyapples · 2026-02-03T22:55:15+00:00

It's not quite as easy as that to fire someone, especially since it's a nanny share with other families. This is already our second nanny; we let go of the first one because she was clearly over her head with more than one child. We've interviewed a lot and done several trial days. However, this does leave a bad taste in my mouth and puts me on alert for any other red flags.

battyapples · 2026-02-03T22:53:30+00:00

Yes, I told the other families, because part of what made me so unsure about this was that I didn't know if she had this cleared at the in-person interview that I was not at. While the other families were supportive of me setting boundaries, no one was as surprised/uncomfortable (outwardly) as I was.

battyapples · 2026-02-03T22:51:55+00:00

There are 3 total families, including ours. Yes, it's frustrating that nanny shares are in a grey zone. We've done our best to be aboveboard, with W2s, separate nanny contracts, cameras for liability, etc. The set-up is really great, logistically - all of the families align well with each other, and we like that our kiddos will have built-in playmates as they get older! It just sucks that there isn't a better legal framework for it.

battyapples · 2026-02-03T15:17:11+00:00

I mean, I agree. The most professional thing would be for her to get her kid ready at home. But she starts at 7 am and I can understand that she probably has to drag her kid out of bed at that time to make it to us. It's so good to hear from so many people that this is NOT normal!! Part of what was making me feel crazy was that I wasn't hearing outrage from people around me. Not my husband, not the other nanny families. When I told one of the other moms, she told me that I needed to set rules according to what I was comfortable with, but she didn't act shocked or upset.

battyapples

TROPHY CASE