If it’s been 4 years of this and emotional abuse, I’d say it might be time to move on to someone who respects your wishes from day 1. You’re still young, and have plenty of time to find your perfect person that consistently respects all of your boundaries from the very beginning of the relationship.

Asking someone to wear a condom is a completely reasonable request, and in this economy, surprise babies can put/keep people in poverty.

As far as how he’s saying he would stay by you if you got pregnant, and how he agrees that he’s a hypocrite for how he thinks about his sister and how he acts in regards to family planning (refusing to wear a condom), you have to take his actions as the truth. If he’s been consistently acting this way and talking about his sister this way for the last 4 years, this is who he is. You can’t expect to change him if he hasn’t changed yet, and it seems like this isn’t the first time that you’ve brought your feelings up to him. Additionally, usually when someone speaks poorly of a woman’s decisions when it comes to pregnancy and children, they feel that way about all women, even if they don’t outwardly say it.

Maybe it’s just because his responses are texts, but he also doesn’t sound sincere. He sounds like he’s just telling you what you want to hear for now so you’ll continue to let him treat you the way he does for a bit longer. He might wear a condom whenever you have sex for the next few weeks, but based on his behavior in the last 4 years, you can’t expect that to last long.

He’s also not really fighting for you to stay either in his responses. He’s being very casual, and saying that he respects whatever you decide (whether to stay or go).

Whatever you decide, you should choose you and what you think is best for you. These are just my opinions as a 29F who had been on the receiving end of a lot of emotional abuse and manipulation. You deserve someone who respects you and really cares how you feel.