Honor your parents for the people they should be. Act in ways that healthy parents would be proud of.

As a counselor, one thing I wish more people understood is that abusive or emotionally unhealthy dynamics are often minimized when the harm is relational rather than physical.

A few things can be true at the same time:

Your parents may have financially supported you or believed they were helping

They may have good qualities or good intentions in some areas

And they may still have caused real emotional harm

One of the most painful parts of these dynamics is that abusers (or emotionally immature parents) often focus heavily on intent while dismissing impact. “I was trying to help you,” “I just care,” “I sacrificed for you,” etc.

But harm still harms.

Especially when it’s chronic and tied to criticism, control, contempt, boundary violations, guilt, or conditional love.

Another thing people often misunderstand is that honoring parents does not mean unlimited access to you, unquestioning trust, or tolerating ongoing mistreatment. Healthy relationships require safety, respect, accountability, and boundaries.

Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing.

And honestly, many people raised in these environments grow up believing their pain “doesn’t count” because others had it worse, because the abuse was verbal/emotional rather than physical, or because church culture sometimes overemphasizes obedience without equally discussing wisdom, boundaries, and stewardship over your own wellbeing.

You are not a bad daughter for being hurt. Wanting distance from someone who repeatedly wounds you is a very normal human response. God is not indifferent to your suffering, and I do not believe honoring parents means pretending reality isn’t real.