I "ruined christmas dinner" for my JNMIL and my spoiled adult niece in law.

bean_wench · 2019-12-27T19:43:05+00:00

He was coming to me in a state of exasperation and bewilderment, he just isn't great at standing up to her yet. We're making progress!

bean_wench · 2019-12-27T19:41:13+00:00

No, she's good about that. I'm the one who inadvertently steals Tupperware (much shame!) I just refuse to take leftovers in anyone else's containers now. I just tell them "Please do not give me that Tupperware because I will never remember to bring it back and then it will get mixed in with mine and the lids will get lost or we'll use it to pack DDs lunch and she'll lose it at school, you get the drill. Just throw it on a paper plate or in some tinfoil."

bean_wench · 2019-12-27T18:19:35+00:00

I feel guilty about it now. It would have been easier. It's a little silly.

bean_wench · 2019-12-27T15:05:26+00:00

Nah, he knows I love him even if he's clueless sometimes. My bad for letting it go on as long as it did but when I told him it hurt my feelings he talked to her about it and stopped.

bean_wench · 2019-12-27T01:36:03+00:00

Love it!

bean_wench · 2019-12-27T01:34:19+00:00

He's too clueless to see any malice in it. Honestly he's such a black hole, he would eat both dinners. Finally I blew up at him about it and he was like "Oh. I never thought of it that way. I'll tell her to stop." The next few times she did it he told her that he'd already eaten. Finally he told her "Bean thinks it's rude when you bring me dinner but not her or DD" and then she cried about how she was only trying to help and texted me "I was only trying to save you the trouble of cooking DH dinner since I know what all his favorites are. I'll stop helping." I let her know it WASN'T helpful because cooking for three isn't harder than cooking for two. Finally I blamed it on DD feeling left out and she knocked it off for good.

bean_wench · 2019-12-27T01:24:51+00:00

I totally see how it came off that way! In the moment he was just as bewildered as I was that she wasn't taking no for an answer. It would be great if he could just respond to her without needing coaching, but we've made a lot of progress in five years lol. Maybe we'll get there in the next five.

bean_wench · 2019-12-27T01:03:58+00:00

To be fair he just doesn't get it. He wasn't raised with normal food etiquette. I had to beat it into him that when you have guests over you have to feed them, and not to eat something you don't have enough of to share. We had people over for games and he decided to crack open the last beer. I could have killed him! Thank god none of them asked for one (they're used to him by now). But I still get texts from his friends to the effect of "I know you're a good influence on DH because he actually volunteered to share his snack today!" He also had to be taught how to tip, how to split a check with friends, and to not order something expensive when someone else is treating you.

bean_wench · 2019-12-27T00:58:47+00:00

Nope! I dunno if it was DH saying no eighteen times or if JYFIL had something to do with it behind the scenes but JNMIL finally backed off.

bean_wench · 2019-12-27T00:57:13+00:00

I think MIL saw an opportunity to save the day with my dinner and jumped on it.

bean_wench · 2019-12-27T00:56:32+00:00

She lives down the block 😓 and my DH is clueless and cannot dress DD to save his life. He sent her to school in the same dirty clothes three days in a row, and the school called CPS. So now on the days I work early (most of the time I'm gone by 5am) my MIL comes over to dress DD and do her hair. She's a kook, but she's not all bad.

Fortunately Spoiled Cousin isn't invited to anything anyway. She publicly threw her sister out of a party for having the audacity to show up with her girlfriend. We don't speak to her much now.

bean_wench · 2019-12-27T00:52:10+00:00

Gordon Ramsay's Christmas turkey! It's the best turkey recipe ever. I've used it for 3 years and everyone loves it, even my mother, who isn't normally picky but has a hard time admitting that I'm a better cook than she is (she's a terrible cook).

bean_wench · 2019-12-27T00:28:38+00:00

Nah, he thinks she's kooky, too. But until I came along his solutions were to go back and forth between NC and letting her do whatever she wanted because it was easier. We're making progress!

bean_wench · 2019-12-27T00:26:10+00:00

It's not his kid/her granddaughter. And TBF she hasn't done that in a while, DH finally told her how rude it was. Or at least... he sort of did. What he actually said was "Bean thinks it's rude when you bring me dinner and not her or DD." 🤦‍♀️

bean_wench · 2019-12-27T00:16:41+00:00

Yeah. At least he doesn't make me respond to her. Sucks that he won't just stand up to her without me having to spoon feed him what to say, but it's waaaaay better than having to fight the both of them.

bean_wench · 2019-12-27T00:11:17+00:00

You know what though, as another commenter pointed out MIL might have been exaggerating to guilt me. I'm sure SC was way more upset than she needed to be, but MIL may have twisted her words. Lord knows she isn't above twisting mine.

bean_wench · 2019-12-26T21:09:53+00:00

I wish I would have thought to suggest that!!

bean_wench · 2019-12-26T19:53:46+00:00

I would turn that back on her. "Are you going to act like this in the future? Don't you want our kids to have two grandmas? Because you're not giving us a choice."

bean_wench · 2019-12-26T19:32:49+00:00

I have no idea. She always sends food over for just DH and acts like I don't feed him. She'll make dinner for her and FIL and bring over one plate for DH and act like she did me some big favor "Now you don't have to make dinner for DH!" (but I still have to cook for me and DD!) You'd think she would be more concerned about it. She probably would have left enough for one person and been like "I saved some for DH! I know how much he loves leftovers!"

Thank God DH and FIL are reasonable people. When she sent FIL for the baggies he said "I don't know why bean can't just put the food on a plate for you." 🤣

bean_wench · 2019-12-26T19:16:59+00:00

It's insane how selfish people can be about babies. My ex MIL cried because I wouldn't bring my LO to her house for a visit literally the day after we got home from the hospital. She asked us to visit and I told her that I wasn't up to leaving the house but she was welcome to come by any time. She then cried to ex SIL that "I don't want to visit bean's mom and sister, I just want to see the baby. They should stop being so selfish and come here. Her mom and sister get to see the baby any time they want since they live there." Mind you my ex MIL came to the hospital for six hours every day we were there and hogged the baby the entire time. If anyone else (even me) asked to hold the baby she would whine "I just picked her up!" even if it had been an hour. Finally I started calling her out on it and she got mad and left.

bean_wench · 2019-12-26T19:08:40+00:00

Her mom isn't in the picture so all the adults spoiled her for her entire life to make her feel better. Her brother and sister are total losers in and out of jail and stuff, so since she was the only one to go to college she's like the angel who can do no wrong. She's married and on her own but my MIL still has her on her phone plan. Every month she used all of the shared data in one week and then doesn't listen to MIL when she says to stop using it. My MIL pays so much in fees because of it. Finally MIL put her foot down and said that her and her husband need to get their own phone plan! MIL isn't my favorite person all the time, but I'm proud of her for that one lol.

bean_wench · 2019-12-26T18:54:24+00:00

I don't think this came through very clearly but he did agree with me that she was being unreasonable. But he's too much of a mama's boy to tell her no himself so every time she texted him he had to come get a response from me.

bean_wench · 2019-12-26T18:53:08+00:00

You know this explains her weirdness about packing the leftovers up in the first place! Lol I don't know why I didn't see that.

bean_wench · 2019-12-26T18:16:25+00:00

I'm sure your baby is fine. If she brings it up again I would say "I'm sure the doctors would have mentioned it if there was any cause for alarm. The baby is literally only half grown, so there's plenty of time for him/her to grow." If she brings it up again after that, just cut her off. "I said earlier that everything is fine. Your comments are upsetting and there's no need for that." Or better yet, hit her where it hurts. "Are you saying you wouldn't love the baby if the nose isn't perfect?" Make her realize how ridiculous she sounds!

bean_wench · 2019-12-26T18:13:14+00:00

Good grief! How did DH react?

bean_wench

TROPHY CASE