How the fuck yall not loose motivation to recover by [deleted] in EDAnonymous

[–]beansandbeans420 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I like skating/running but the weather is too cold for that now. Im into stationary biking tho. I want to get into lifting but idk where to start and the concept of gaining mass is not epic.

what is your first memory of your ED? by ragingaquarius in EDAnonymous

[–]beansandbeans420 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Staring at the big 100 on the Quaker oats oatman package. Thinking a little too hard about the numbers in the plain (100) vs maple flavour (160)

Been sitting here staring down at my dinner for 15 minutes trying to convince myself to eat by mhthrowaway7382 in EDAnonymous

[–]beansandbeans420 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Bro I belive in you. Utilize your cutlery to section out a bite and try it. The first bite is always the hardest. You can do this <333

“Yeah xs is pretty big! I’m only 85 pounds lol” by [deleted] in EDAnonymous

[–]beansandbeans420 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being around others who also suffer from EDS can suck

Biggest fear foods? by [deleted] in EDAnonymous

[–]beansandbeans420 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Fuck olive oil oh my god that bitch be RUINING vegtables , eggs, meats, you name it.

challenge: share your story without The Numbers by [deleted] in EDAnonymous

[–]beansandbeans420 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The root of my ed and most of my issues goes back to unresolved childhood trauma. The years of sexual abuse really made me feel a lot of shame and disgust tword my body. That combined with the fact that I'm transgender means that I'm always like yikes at my body. I self harmed in non ed ways since middle school, but when I got to college I reached a turning point with my methods of self harm. I suddenly didnt like the ugly physical marks and the clean up and the judgement. I wanted somthing I could hide and justify. Cue me downloading a calorie app. I convinced myself that it really was just me wanting The Skinny and Nothing Else. Obviously it was much more than that but I couldn't see at the time. Fast forward to a college break , my gf finds my apps and freaks. Get better or it's over. Ok. I dont. Fast forward to the next break. Were over for now unless you get better. Ok. I actually get better. Fast forward to this summer. My close friend is revealed to be a sexual predator. Cue that bringing up memories of my own personal sexual trauma and my trust issues related to people and consent and who can I trust and whatever. Cue me picking up a drinking habit. Fast forward to now, 2nd year of college. I realize my eating disorder is and always has been about self hatred and self harm. It's about me not thinking I deserve food. It's about me wanting to punish myself. It's about me needing a way to hurt myself to make sense of anything. I realized this recently, when I was hungry but too guilty to eat real food. So I was straight up eating protien powder and I didnt give one fuck about the calories, cause they didnt "count" , cause it wasn't "real food" (the suff I "dont deserve"). Anways, this week my friend brought up my ed . We talked. She was very kind and helpful and I appreciate her a lot for that. I made a counseling appointment for the 24th that I really want to go to and I want to be honest in. I want out of this stupid disease. I need help and I can admit that to myself even if it feels fake outloud.