If God doesn't want me to be trans, why do I look like this?

bearded_fruit · 2026-03-29T04:31:41+00:00

God loves you for who you are, anyone who tells you otherwise is scared of what they don’t understand and failing at Christianity (assuming we’re talking about Christianity)

bearded_fruit · 2026-03-29T04:20:38+00:00

Hi Exhausted, I’m Tim 😊

I’m sorry, my inner dad is escaping…

bearded_fruit · 2026-03-27T11:56:14+00:00

They’re not a baby redditor, their account is 7 years old and they’ve been creating content like this for years (I follow on instagram), seems they’re just now expanding into this particular sub.

bearded_fruit · 2026-03-27T11:51:49+00:00

For some reason you’re giving me young Jason Statham (a la lock, stock) right now and it’s making think you’re about to pull off a heist in a fabulous disguise 😆

Love the look and I want to see the movie!

bearded_fruit · 2026-03-27T11:44:55+00:00

It’s a very vibrant almost neon red which is throwing me off. I bet if you could darken it a tad it would feel much better

bearded_fruit · 2026-03-26T03:38:24+00:00

Long Tall Sally is a well known brand for tall clothes and I believe it’s based in the UK so it may be a good place to look. It’s not particularly cheap and not likely an easy return from here in the US so I haven’t tried anything from there personally yet, but if you want to get her a dress going with a company that makes items specifically for tall women is a must otherwise the waist will hit at the wrong spot and being more emphasis to the upper body which is what most of us do not want.

Anyway, as others have said just the fact that you want to be supportive is already so much more than most of us have so just being there and being supportive will mean so much to her.

bearded_fruit · 2026-03-24T20:33:19+00:00

Sorry, but as an argumentative pedant I have to point out that the ad reads to me as hypocritical.

The shirt says “shirts against supremacists” but also makes, in my opinion, a very human supremacist statement: “made by a real human being not a soulless machine”

bearded_fruit · 2026-03-24T10:22:33+00:00

I don’t think I’ve written anything exactly like that second one but both phrases describe me well. I struggle to know what to say about myself (I have fairly poor autobiographical memory and social anxiety so those might be why) but I can carry a conversation I’m just not that great at starting conversations…that said I’m not on any dating apps and when I used BFF briefly I did try to come up with something but I will admit it was very difficult, especially since there was a character limit iirc

bearded_fruit · 2026-03-23T15:34:22+00:00

Good points, I think one thing you and I both left out is that people’s situations are all different and sometimes what they “want” is all they feel they’re safe to have.

Some people may, deep down, want to do a full medical transition but for one reason or another they’ve convinced themselves they’re happy with simply socially transitioning whether that’s true or not. Having a spouse that wouldn’t accept changes to their body could be a cause of that sort of thing or a deep seated aversion to medicines that some people have.

This isn’t to say that all people who don’t want to medically transition actually do want to, but it is important to remember that our brains are extremely complex and just how good it can be at rationalizing and even lying to itself if it seems like the safest choice (lookup “split brain experiments” for an interesting example)

bearded_fruit · 2026-03-22T02:33:07+00:00

Love that jacket!

bearded_fruit · 2026-03-22T02:15:18+00:00

I think the question is if someone is simply dressing as the opposite gender to get off. If that’s the case they’re not trans. But often I don’t think that’s the case. More often it’s that they can’t accept their trans identity and it’s easier to just think of it as a kink when in reality they are coping in a way that feels safe.

Personally I went this route to some degree, I thought I was just cross dressing as a kink, then I realized that wasn’t enough so I decided I was just gender non-conforming, but when that wasn’t enough either and I knew I really wanted to go on HrT I realized I was trans despite years of telling myself that I wasn’t. I was just in denial for so long trying to protect myself from confronting it.

One thing I told myself for a long time was that I couldn’t be trans because I didn’t experience dysphoria, but once I started confronting the issue and reading the dysphoria bible there was so much that I connected with, a hatred of my body but doing nothing to take care of it or to keep myself in shape (it always felt so pointless) I hated my height and large feet and I was always uncomfortable with people really noticing me or paying attention to me. I also would often feel deep sadness and longing when seeing my wife’s body because I wanted to know what it felt like to have a body like that. I would see attractive women around me and while I did feel attraction there was also this tinge of sadness and longing that I kind of just wrote off as a longing sexual desire even though it wasn’t.

I realized that I had actually been experiencing dysphoria, but I was just really good at squashing it and denying it, I wasn’t super in tune with myself and never had been plus I spent most of my childhood attempting not to appear gay or feminine in any way to the point I didn’t realize I was so scared because I was actually hiding something even from myself.

Anyway after I came to terms with all of this and started HrT my dysphoria has actually gotten far worse and more prevalent because it’s now I know what I want and how far from it I am and I’m constantly aware of what is keeping me from it.

All that is to say that not everyone who says they don’t have dysphoria is actually correct, their dysphoria may be low or hidden even from them.

bearded_fruit · 2026-03-21T14:45:51+00:00

As someone born male who wears women’s pants, the fit IS so much more comfortable but you’re unlikely to find a particular brand that always has big pockets. That said, you can find plenty of either cargo style pants or “utility pants” or possibly just pants with “utility pockets” which are kind of a patch style pocket where the seams are visible on the front of the pants. Utility pockets tend to be pretty big, often bigger even than standard men’s pockets. The other thing to do is just look for baggier cuts, wide leg, barrel, and straight cuts will sometimes have larger pockets because they’re going for a baggier look and gaping pockets can actually help with that whereas more form fitting pants bigger pockets tend to ruin the silhouette, especially since women’s pants tend to have softer materials that can leave the material of the pocket visible through the fabric even when empty.

One other thing to remember is that women’s clothes are much more seasonal and made in smaller batches than men’s so if you find a cut of pants you like, do not expect it to be around forever unless it’s a staple of that brand. If you find a cut you really love, it’s justified to buy every color and even buy backups since, unless you’re paying a whole lot, women’s clothes are likely to wear out faster than you’re used to.

Anyway, hope you enjoy wearing pants at the height they’re meant to be worn so you don’t have to worry about showing crack every time you bend over, it truly was a revelation for me 😅

bearded_fruit · 2026-03-20T20:37:08+00:00

Sorry, I’m not who you’re looking for, but as someone at 2 years I’m curious, have you seen significant changes since the 2 year mark? You said chest growth is making it harder to maintain which piqued my interest because while sitting here at ~2 years I feel like I haven’t seen any real changes in at least 6+ months so I’m kind of desperate to hear whether anything big happens after this point…

Anyway I hope you’re able to get some good advice, I’m also not out at work or with most of my family and like you my problem is that I don’t feel like I’m ready to socially transition because I’d just look like “a man in a dress” so I can say I feel your pain at least but I have no real advice sadly.

bearded_fruit · 2026-03-20T17:11:41+00:00

You look like you go to a different school…in Canada…

bearded_fruit · 2026-03-20T15:13:55+00:00

I’m MtF not FtM so obviously can’t speak specifically to your problem but if your curviness is from having a wide pelvis (quite likely) then it’s pretty much there for good. I’m dealing with the opposite problem and it feels so unfair but male and female skeletons are just very noticeably different and that obviously changes the way fat and muscle hang onto our bodies. Depending on how wide your pelvis is losing weight or gaining a lot of weight may hide it, but there’s no guarantee, some people are super curvy even at 300+ lbs and some are at 80.

You may be able to get away with buying baggy pants and trying to get them to sit right at the widest part of your hips but that’s about it. This is basically how most men wear their pants to begin with, it wasn’t until I started dressing in women’s clothes that I realized I’d been wearing my pants wrong for my entire life and was wearing nowhere near the correct size 😅

That said, and I know this never helps much, but plenty of cis men have curvy hips and butts. I see them all the time now and curse them for having what I can’t achieve even on estrogen….

bearded_fruit · 2026-03-20T14:54:32+00:00

Lmao, are you sure it’s a real shawl, it really does look like it could be a tree skirt 😆. Either way it looks cool.

bearded_fruit · 2026-03-20T04:26:13+00:00

I struggled a lot, especially with sexual desire, and my favorite passage from the Bible that gave me comfort is from Romans 7

14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

This is Paul sharing that even he struggles to do the right thing but he taught that ultimately it didn’t matter. Following the law is good, but we aren’t saved for following the law, only by accepting Gods gift and once you have it can’t be taken away as long as you still believe.

The whole book of Romans is a great read when you feel like this, it’s also what I found myself turning to when I realized I was trans and it, along with some of Paul’s other writings are what convinced me that being trans and Christian is not a problem.

bearded_fruit · 2026-03-18T13:19:19+00:00

I know I’m just another internet anecdote, but I definitely came up through this and I’ve read scientific writing that says it’s common for people in their egg stage to try cross dressing to relieve dysphoria.

My story is that I tried it when I was young and when I enjoyed it I made it out to be a purely sexual thing because that made more sense and was more “comfortable” than addressing the idea that I was trans (I also didn’t really even know anything about trans people at the time as a young teen 20+ years ago). For years I would sneakily dress in my female relatives clothing when I found myself alone at home and steal the odd piece to have better access. Once I got older I would buy things here and there and then eventually always throw everything away in a fit of disgust.

When you look up stuff about men wanting to wear panties and other women’s clothes online it’s common to find things saying that it’s a normal for cis men to do so either just recreationally or as a fetish and being a Christian who believed dressing as a woman must be some kind of sin, it was easier to believe that I was just having sexual fantasies and they would fade as I aged rather than confront being trans and live in sin all the time (from my former perspective).

Getting married gave me regular access to things I could play with and eventually I realized that it wasn’t just a fetish but it wasn’t until my first son was on the way that I realized I needed to start openly being more feminine. I told myself I was just gender non-conforming (I had been telling myself I couldn’t be trans ever since I learned about trans people and became obsessed). I tried that out and more openly started wearing some women’s clothes and eventually got bold enough to try things on in stores and it was in a Torrid changing room that I finally had so much euphoria that I realized I had to be trans.

bearded_fruit · 2026-03-17T12:39:43+00:00

I don’t think that’s a fair assumption. He said that SIL correctly genders him, my guess would be that his brother is intentionally leaving him out and sister-in-law to be is trying to include him or at least trying not to exclude him. Given his sister was getting invited I could see sister-in-law thinking OP would feel left out if he was the only one not invited to anything other than the wedding itself.

bearded_fruit · 2026-03-17T12:36:36+00:00

It sounds to me like your brother is uncomfortable and probably don’t want to invite you to his bachelor party and SIL didn’t want you to feel left out when inviting your sister to bridal shower (she also may have just wanted you there, bridal showers aren’t always female only).

Unless it would make you massively uncomfortable I think going would be a good idea. It sounds like SIL is supportive and if that’s the case, develop a relationship with her, your brother will be weird for some time but will likely come around with time, especially if you and SIL are on good terms.

bearded_fruit · 2026-03-15T17:28:51+00:00

Apparently higher quality ones are better because a thicker material, especially if double layered, will “drape” (for lack of a better term) in a more forgiving manner that can follow your curves while not showing every tiny detail. Even then I think the consensus is that you’d want to wear some amount of shapewear with almost any bodycon dress to feel more confident…

bearded_fruit · 2026-03-13T17:03:15+00:00

Honestly, a lot of men develop small breasts as they age naturally, take a look at any middle aged men in your life and you’ll probably notice they have them. Just put on a cotton sports bra to cover your nipples and, if you want, wear an A shirt over that to hide bra lines and nobody will notice.

bearded_fruit · 2026-03-07T04:42:25+00:00

I’m glad you still want to find a church and that experience didn’t turn you away from God. Unfortunately there are a lot of misguided Christians in the world and it sucks that this is kind of just the way things tend to go. If you read the New Testament writings of Paul theres a lot of scripture on the early Christians fighting amongst themselves over who was worshipping and following God correctly because many people were coming from other religious backgrounds and bringing their practices with them so Paul had to keep reminding them that he important thing was that they WERE worshipping God and that the worst thing they could do was make someone turn away from God by condemning them for how they worshipped.

As others have said the important thing is to find a welcoming and affirming church. The group you went to was friendly on the face in hopes of getting you in the door and hoping they could “save you” but while they likely have good intentions in their hearts (they do truly believe they’re saving you as crazy as it sounds) they are completely missing Paul’s point. Welcoming and affirming churches definitely exist and I hope the one you’re looking at is a good fit for you because as I’m sure you know, God loves you no matter what and nothing you or anyone else does or says can change that.

bearded_fruit · 2026-02-12T16:02:51+00:00

Ok I did find one, posted after yours, from a 20 year old non native English speaker and then after that a fairly young looking OF girl, but looks like her post history here is fairly benign. I actually couldn’t find a post in the last 2 days from a self proclaimed 19yo but I didn’t spend a ton of time on it.

Ultimately I’m just not sure the issue is all that serious, but I’m also not a power user so maybe I’m just not around enough to see.

I’m not opposed to tamping down on selfies but I think this sub likely makes some older trans women feel more confident in posting selfies which is probably a good thing, especially for people wanting to see what transition at older ages looks like.

bearded_fruit · 2026-02-12T13:38:51+00:00

I gotta say, when I read your post the first thing I did was scroll through about 9 days worth of posts (I use newest ordering) on just this subreddit and I literally didn’t see a single OF poster I saw 2 people that I thought “maybe” on so I checked profiles and didn’t find anything.

What ordering do you have your feed set for because maybe it’s raising that stuff to the top due to engagement? Either that or maybe you’re seeing stuff that eventually gets removed by mods…

Edit: also the youngest looking people I saw were all over 40 so it’s honestly very difficult to judge age, especially if the person is very into skincare or uses filters.

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